MK forum

is there anyone else out there who was raised at fanda who cant dance, raise their hands in church to worship or even sing in church? is there anyone who has struggled with praising there kids and being sympathetic when they get hurt? who feels guilty and rebelious about a glass of wine? who is ashamed of there body? who believed (or believes) that they could never be good enough for God? who thought that anything bad that happened to them was a direct result of something that they themselves did. even that every bad thing that was happening in the entire world could be traced back directly to me and my sinfullness? did (or does) anyone else feel ashamed to call themselves a christian because they knew they were not perfect and didnt want to be a hipocrit? i could go on and on. i especially want to know if anyone else feels the same about dancing and wine. my husband alwayse wants me to dance and i cant.
Naomi Cleaves

Is there anyone else out there who was raised at fanda who has had trouble owning up to there mistakes because "christians are meant to be perfect" so they try to pass the blame to someone else so that I can continue to "look" and feel like a christian... i know now that i am not perfect and never will be and God knows it and he doesnt care. he loves me anyway. and all he expects is that i confess and acknowledge when i have done the wrong thing which is the oposite of the attitude at fanda and the attitude that i still feel members of NTM have.

Perfectionism, rules, and guilt. All tools for keeping kids in line. Yes, been there. Different boarding school, same strategies. PNG MK NTM.

Naomi, I felt the same way after I returned from Panama and especially after I graduated from NTBI. It has taken years and I'm not sure how, but I have come to the place where I have been able to make choices that I feel are right for me, not what some Board may have required of my parents. I often joke with friends that my body is so ingrained to NOT move that I need the glass of wine to overcome the deep-seated, restrictive rules of youth growing up as an MK. One thought is that my husband also loves to dance and it really gives him joy to have me dance with him. So, I down my glass of wine, throw caution to the wind, try not to think how silly I look and step out onto the dance floor.

My marriage counselor called today and told me that his organization are not equip to handle my case. I had told him a bit of my story and said that I would like personal counseling. He said that he would talk to his supervisor and she would be the one to see. They do marriage, family, personnel, abuse, child counseling but they couldn't handle me? He has recommended a psychologist.

I interviewed several counselors before I found the right one. The odd thing for me was that I thot I had found a good one but when I said I had already approached the mission with my formal report then that prospective counselor froze on me. She wouldn't touch it. So, I moved on. The 'telling' in itself is a whole issue to be dealt with.

What counselors does GRACE recommend?
Check out NANC online if you want someone who will listen with compassion and point you to practical biblical answers, giving you homework each week. Our faith really is practical and not up in the sky somewhere. I realize not everyone would welcome this suggestion. But you can go around in circles for a long time following other options. Change from the inside out is something only God can do. Comments have underscored the fact that GRACE has shown so much understanding and compassion. There are faith-based counselors like this, also.

Reply to Mosquito Bite:
Nouthetic Counseling is not the same as a Licensed Professional Counselor. Nouthetic counseling is similar to NTM and their counselors are lay Christians who have about 10 hours of classes and 50 hours of supervision. A Lcesned Profession Counselor has a minimum of a 2 year Master's Degree in Counseling and 3000 supervised hours. Nouthetic counseling may be helpful in some instances but most pastors recognize their limits in counseling abuse and refer parishoners to professional qualified, Licensed Christian counselors.

Diane Langberg, a co-founder of GRACE is also on the board of the AACC (American Association of Christian Counselors.) I have gone to extensive counseling and would not go to anyone who is not a member of the AACC.

@ Interested:
I agree, 100%. Thank you for posting!

Interested: There are several if not more approaches to counseling. My intention is not to pursue a long discussion about that on this forum, but just to get some info out there that might be encouraging to others. The posts before yours and mine were discussing the difficulties in finding a counselor to work with. In any of the approaches, training is very important, as is finding one who is congenial. It may take several tries, whichever approach you prefer.
It is false that the NANC approach is like NTM. NANC-trained counselors are not controlling nor do they attempt to play the HS in your life. Their training and certification are rigorous. That info is available on their website. (NANC.org) I did not mention them for the sake of their org.......but because my experience with a professional Christian counselor was less than stellar and because my experience with biblical counseling gave me hope that brought me thru a very dark time and resulted in healing. I have seen others in my former situation stay in it and go around in circles in spite of professional Chrisitan counseling. My prayer is for hope and true healing in each life that has been affected, no matter what the approach.
The last thing I would like to mention is that I know NTM well, so these are not empty comments. And I am praying for a great result for the Eagles. It is time and past time! To think what individuals and families have gone thru for so many years because of this abuse is horrifying. I thank the Lord for giving the Eagles the courage to speak out and for giving them wisdom in each step they have taken until now. I also eagerly await the report from GRACE and the implementation of their recommendations.