Bonnie wrote:
Naomi Cleaves wrote:
is there anyone else out there who was raised at fanda who cant dance, raise their hands in church to worship or even sing in church? is there anyone who has struggled with praising there kids and being sympathetic when they get hurt? who feels guilty and rebelious about a glass of wine? who is ashamed of there body? who believed (or believes) that they could never be good enough for God? who thought that anything bad that happened to them was a direct result of something that they themselves did. even that every bad thing that was happening in the entire world could be traced back directly to me and my sinfullness? did (or does) anyone else feel ashamed to call themselves a christian because they knew they were not perfect and didnt want to be a hipocrit? i could go on and on. i especially want to know if anyone else feels the same about dancing and wine. my husband alwayse wants me to dance and i cant.
Naomi Cleaves
Naomi. I can relate to all of the above.
I can dance now, with my kids... I have not done so in public yet, except one time, in the dark, at a drum circle. I'm not sure what the block is about that, except that I was told once by a dorm mother that I would become a lesbian when she caught me dancing in my room... I mean, I know I'm not a lesbian, but the way her words made me feel when she said them... that is what I feel now too, even though I know it's so irrational.
I do not have a problem with wine, except that I don't drink it because it gives me headaches. (I don't know if you remember, but I spent that last year at Fanda pretty much drunk every day... so obviously even then I didn't have a problem with drinking. :) )
I think I went a slightly different route after leaving fanda!
dancing? I did ALOT more than that. Its surprising that Im alive.Really.
As for my kids....This is where I really get upset.
Praising my kids? yeah, right. Being sympathetic when they get hurt? Ive never been sympathetic towards anyone,especially myself.
Good enough for God? Never cared, god is the guys who punishes you . And dont let him find out that you enjoy something, it will be gone in a flash!
These are all things that have affected my kids because I thought I was normal.
Im pissed.