MK forum

Mrs B raised this topic on the blog, and I think it requires a place in the forums. Please feel free to add your comments.

From NTM’s website under FAQs regarding abuse of children:

Q. “What about other places where abuse took place?”

A. "Since the early 1990s, NTM has sought to look into every allegation of child abuse brought to its attention. Most of those have involved incidents in the 1980s and early 1990s. In the majority of cases, the problem has been addressed to the satisfaction of NTM, the students or former students, and their families.

"Where there is new or continuing dissatisfaction, a review is probably necessary. And NTM reiterates its commitment to investigate any new reports of child abuse, no matter how long ago they took place."

Mrs B. So, the basis for how and why NTM investigates cases of abuse is “continuing dissatisfaction?” And the “satisfaction” of NTM, their students, former students and families is considered the be-all and end-all of their abuse investigations? What about the satisfaction of the LAW. The deciding factor that the rest of us mere mortals have to live by?

"In the majority of cases, the problem has been addressed to the satisfaction of NTM, the students or former students, and their families."

That statement is as far from the truth as one could possibly get. In Aritao, NTM dismissed the pedophile, and sent him and his family home. I can understand why NTM believes "...the problem has been addressed to the satisfaction of NTM..." NTM is saying "Problem solved?" Can someone please explain to me how that addresses the situation to the satisfaction of the the former students or their families?

Victims have suffered for 24 years, and continue to suffer. Families have been wrecked, relationships ruined, suicides attempted, nightmares continue, and the perpetrator has never seen the inside of a jail cell over this. Medical help, psychiatric help, and compensation of any kind has been non-existent.

"In the majority of cases, the problem has been addressed to the satisfaction of NTM, the students or former students, and their families." ...Grrrrrrr.....

Reading that statement makes it nearly impossible to curb my anger. To any NTM member reading this: This is NOT a witch hunt. This is the VICTIMS that were IN YOUR CARE as CHILDREN who were TORTURED demanding that wrongs be righted as best and as quickly as humanly possible. Because they were NOT taken care of the right way the first time, and that future generations may live without the abuse and the 24 years and more it takes away from their lives on this earth. This is about the victims who suffered and continue to suffer, and how they want to live the second half of their lives without fear, without nightmares, without life threatening anxiety attacks. This is long overdue so make it right. Just do the right thing. Just do it.

Mahalko, thank you for posting. That statement "the problem has been addressed to the satisfaction of NTM, the students or former students, and their families" has been sticking in my craw. too. I just wasn't able to put into words how it was making me feel.
I represent one of those families who has suffered for 24 years the effects of the pedophile in Aritao. "Suffered" is putting it mildly. I guess it is possible, sometime back in 1993-94 that we, the parents of the children, might have been asked by NTM leadership if we were "satisfied" with the way that situation was handled. And it is possible,that at that time, we might have responded "yes". But never once in the years since then have we been re-contacted and asked whether we were still "satisfied". Whatever the heck "satisfied" is supposed to mean. "Satisfied"???? Oh dear God, how can I even think that word???
How can there be any satisfaction, when the man who devastated our entire family has never paid for one minute for his evil sins? There is no penalty that would come close to making up for the destruction he has caused. Spending all his remaining life in prison would be too gentle. But that is where he belongs. Instead, he has for the last 17 years been roaming freely in his home state, and I cannot bear to think of all the victims he has probably had since then. The very thought of that makes my skin crawl and I want to vomit.
Satisfaction. That will never come. But there is nothing I wouldn't do to see that man incarcerated for the rest of his life. Could someone, anyone, please, please make that happen?
Oh, I'm emotionally spent now. But I thank you, Mahalko, for getting me fired up enough to post this. I won't retract it now. Grrrr .... is right! I Grrrr.... with you!

I encourage the victims and / or their families to approach GRACE with these concerns. They have shown themselves to be an effective and confidential advocate on behalf of victims of abusive behavior.

If I were in your shoes, and I know that I am not, I would feel a great deal of confidence in the Fanda Eagles, as well. You could write them without revealing your name and I think they could give you some good advice and needed encouragement.

While the victims and their families have a specific right to speak out and demand investiagations of these incidents, those who have been pressured into putting their children into MK schools, those who have supported MK schools, those who have supported NTM missionaries who had their children in those schools. . . all of these people have a right to speak up and demand an accounting. In fact, anyone who has a feeling for justice has a right to speak out; if nothing else, they may spare the victims the pain of having to come forward, something that very few victims will do, and something that those who would cover up these crimes count on.

Mahalko, thank you for taking the time to post your comments. And Raz, my heart goes out to you. Take courage, and please know that you are not alone.

Raz and Gene,

My friend has been too ashamed and embarrassed to ever come forward about what happened to her, and the thought of being questioned by anyone about those events brings her to severe anxiety attacks. she won't even get on the Fanda Eagles site to read, and I respectfully submit everything to her before posting (including this one). I would love to post a lot more of what I know, but that would give up her identity. She wants that identity to remain anonymous. I don't know what to do. I DO know this: that if she does not speak out, If she does not band together with other victims, justice nor help nor compensation will ever materialize.

I sent her your replies this morning via e-mail, and here was her response..."I really need a cigarette after reading that - I can feel an anxiety attack coming on because it's getting too close and..."

... ...

For some reason, she has chosen me to open up to, and it is a very, very long hard road. When I met her, these were all suppressed memories, but I knew there was something very wrong, and started to ask a lot of questions. Here was a full grown woman who could not sleep with the lights off. The sound of thunder sent her into a physical full blown panic attack. In the middle of conversation, you could see her eyes glaze over, and watch her drift off to another world...and not hear one single word that was being spoken to her. There were a thousand clues that there was something drastically wrong, and yet to my knowledge, no one had been successful at tearing down those protective walls she had built around herself; maybe because of the years and years of experience being very good at hiding inside, and was able to further disguise the horrible truth. Her own family yet has no clue as to the severity of the crimes that were committed against her, nor how she has suffered and continues to.

I have often asked myself..."How has she survived?" I have read literally everything I could get my hands on in regards to this subject: even in depth studies such as "Therapeutic and iatrogenic interventions with adults who were sexually abused as children." The list of negative long-term side effects, anxiety attacks, trust issues, broken families, sexual deviance and not having sexual boundaries, suicide, nightmares, substance abuse, being able to "go away from yourself" in uncomfortable situations, being in a cycle of abusive relationships and expecting that to be the "norm", is overwhelming. "How has she survived?" She doesn't drink nor does she use any mind altering substances (because "ya know how some people tell everything when they have been drinking? Things that you even wish you had never heard? I refuse to let that be me. I am literally scared to death of what might come out of my mouth!") She was in a very abusive (verbally, emotionally, and spiritually) relationship for a long time, and somehow found the strength and courage to break free of that. "How has she survived?"... I have no idea, only that God has somehow made it crystal clear, that he has plans for her and needs her around. She has a purpose in this life, and it is NOT to succumb to long term substance abuse nor sexual deviancy. She is so much stronger than she realizes.

To those that have stated so arrogantly "It happened such a long time ago just get over it." ...Grrr... You know not what you are talking about. As a human being, you have failed miserably and need to just go away.

God has blessed me. She has chosen to open up to me, and I pray daily that God will use me and continue to use me, to help her, and to see this through until she has healed. I promised her quite some time ago that I would take her hand through all of this, and I would not let go, no matter what the outcome. I plan on doing just that. My goals in this "witch hunt" are to help her heal. To bring the perpetrator to justice. To help her change the policies and practices of NTM to prevent this and countless other tragedies from happening. To assist her in living out the rest of her days on this earth free...from fear, pain, trauma, and just let her breathe and live. To let her love, and be loved not only by people, but by God our Father, and our Lord Jesus Christ. To know that she has a purpose here, and it is NOT to be traumatized for the rest of time.

To NTM: Those of you that were in charge and set this man free. SHAME ON YOU!!! I pray that you all are judged harshly. Your goals of spreading the word came at the cost of mentally, spiritually, and emotionally killing your flock, and have never reached out to them to help them heal. SHAME ON YOU!!! I hope you can sleep at night better than the victims.

My biggest obstacle is: getting her to believe that there is no shame in being a victim. Her perpetrator, and NTM has counted on her silence, and used that very effectively to sweep this and every other case under the rug. Guilt and shame plague her, and the thought of her being exposed sends her into a panic attack. I wish she would realize, that it's not her that is being exposed, it is the perpetrator, the way NTM handled this, the way NTM covered everything up, the way that NTM has not even attempted to help her and other victims nor prevent these tragedies from repeating themselves. She is NOT alone, and I encourage all victims to band together and speak as one very loud voice as the courageous Eagles have done, and stand united. Tell your story. Seek truth and justice, and seek the compensation and healing that you deserve.

~Mahal Ko~

Thank you, Mahal Ko, for being such a God-sent gift to our anonymous friend. She is very blessed to have you in her life. As are the rest of us, who wish we could take her in our arms and make all the nightmares go away. You are a real person, comforting and supporting her as the rest of us wish we could. So we all thank God for you.
Please tell your friend that it is okay for her to keep her privacy. I, like you, have gotten myself an extensive education in the sordid subject of child abuse and its affect on innocent victims. I find that no two people respond the same way. Some find healing in making their voice heard. Loudly. They are the crusaders for justice, and speak out for those who can't speak for themselves. Such are the Fanda Eagles, and I have been following their search for justice for several years. Their long struggle has been rewarded and I am so gratified for them. But reading some of the posts on here I've come to realize that not even all the Fanda survivors want their stories to be told openly. Even among that group, not everyone is grateful that the whole world now knows what they suffered.
I find it interesting that even though the "Aritao" section of this forum has been open for several months, none of the actual victims of the Aritao pedophile have posted anything, as far as I can tell. Until you posted what you did about what happened to your friend, I was unaware that his crimes has been so heinous and extensive. I was nauseous for days after reading what that man who I considered a close friend had done to one child over a period of years.
I just want to communicate to your friend that I support her in wanting to keep her privacy. I know that some of the other Aritao survivors feel that way too, including the ones in my own family. No one is going to force her to testify or expose anything. I don't know for sure what makes the difference between the crusaders and those who need to keep the door closed on the pain they endured. But I do know that in that private space where she lives, with the lights on all night, God is there. He does know everything. He does cry with her for all that she suffered. I pray that she can feel that.
I send my love to all the silent ones. Maybe there will never be any "justice" for you, whatever that means. I pray for healing, for hope, and for health and peace for your minds, spirits and bodies.

In response to this:

"my biggest obstacle" -- please don't view this as something you are supposed to conquer. Don't put that pressure on her.

"I wish she would realize, that it's not her that is being exposed..." -- Yes, she would also be exposed. True, it exposes the others and true, they are the ones to blame, but it does expose her. People would look at her and have thoughts in their head about her that they didn't have before. I'm not saying they would be judgmental thoughts.* Perhaps many would be empathy as we have. But the thoughts are still there. Allow her to determine who has access to those intimate parts of herself. That has already been violated. Pressuring her to go against her will is its own violation.
*Not all, perhaps not even most, would be empathy. I think most would be voyeuristic and some would be judging.

"She is NOT alone, and I encourage all victims to band together and speak as one very loud voice as the courageous Eagles have done, and stand united. Tell your story. Seek truth and justice, and seek the compensation and healing that you deserve. " -- I hear your passion and I am with you. However, again I caution you. Does she hear this and feel more shame that she is not 'courageous' and feel that she has 'failed' again?

MK sheri,

Thank you for your valuable insight. In response to:

"please don't view this as something you are supposed to conquer. Don't put that pressure on her.... " ...I am not sure how I left the impression that this is somehow a challenge I must overcome as some kind of conquering hero. Quite the contrary. My goals first and foremost are to help her find peace. She is tormented by not only the possibility of being exposed, but the perpetrator as well. The perpetrator still haunts her. Remember that he is still out there at large roaming the streets at will. The people that Let him go are still floating around somewhere.

"I think most would be voyeuristic and some would be judging." I'm not sure how to respond to that, except that you must hang with a totally different crowd than I do. I could not disagree stronger.

"Pressuring her to go against her will is its own violation." Agreed 100%

"However, again I caution you. Does she hear this and feel more shame that she is not 'courageous' and feel that she has 'failed' again?" Absolutely not. she is courageous already, much more than I...She has survived. Please be rest assured she is under no pressure. You have to understand the relationship we have to appreciate this. We can agree to disagree. Her point of view and opinion are always valued and respected, and on this topic especially, her wishes are always placed on a much higher priority than my own. This is, after all, about her, not me. She is lifted up, and respected, not run down nor pressured. Not by this guy anyway

Thank you for your valuable input, but I want you to know that she has not failed in anything, and that whether or not she chooses to remain anonymous in no way determines success or failure in either case. I do see your point though, about making that knowledge public, and how that in itself could instill a feeling of being further violated. She already has been violated, and yes I agree I would not want anyone to ever violate her again. Not physically, emotionally, spiritually, or mentally. Thank you, for the insight.

Back to the topic at hand. Further investigations? I most certainly hope so. If there is an way to reopen this Aritao situation my friend is all for it, and sincerely hope GRACE will conduct such an investigation. If this can be done while preserving the integrity and anonymity of the victims that is. These, remember, were hideous crimes with a horrid leadership that set a very evil man free. Justice? Peace? Healing? Prevention? Are these attainable goals?

Mahalko, I am glad to hear it. -- BTW, are you an MK from the RP? Just wondering about your name.

Re: getting the perp off the streets...

Even if NTM does nothing about this..., perhaps there is some sort of legal action that can be taken against him even while remaining anonymous. I wouldn't have thought so but I heard that is possible in PA. I heard that from someone who is a counselor with Diane Langberg and associates. That is located in PA. States differ, but perhaps your friend, or others would be able to do something. I think my first contact would be GRACE to see what they might know of such a possibility. -- Even if NTM does their part, I believe it is victims who would have to file court action. GRACE says NTM needs to cooperate. Too bad they don't say NTM should pay the legal fees. :l

Oh..., In reply to this -

"I think most would be voyeuristic and some would be judging."
I'm not sure how to respond to that, except that you must hang with a totally different crowd than I do. I could not disagree stronger.

I am probably speaking from cynicism that is fall out from my own experiences of abuse. I expect that healing will eradicate my cynicism and leave only healthy skepticism. One thing is for sure. I won't return to naivete.

Or maybe I've not yet found a crowd like the one you hang with. I wish I could.