Just got this in my email inbox. Thought this might be a good place to share it.
Frank Parker Resigns Posthumously "We tried to fire him, but we were too late," claims NTM spokesperson Dateline: Sanford, FL At a hastily arranged news conference today, New Tribes Mission spokeswoman Nita Zelanak revealed that NTM's efforts to retroactively fire serial child molester Frank Parker were thwarted today when it was discovered that he posthumously resigned six weeks ago. "NTM regrets its failure to retroactively, posthumously fire Frank Parker," said the NTM spokeswoman. "I spoke to him in a séance yesterday evening," she said. "It seems that he had already been in touch with Chet Plimpton, who advised him to resign rather than face dismissal." Chester "Chet" Plimpton, former member of the Executive Board of New Tribes, resigned himself in the wake of the Fanda Eagles scandal when a third party investigation, not using NTM servers, found him culpable in the cover-up of sexual abuse of children and recommended his dismissal. Plimpton has reportedly since become a Presbyterian. Asked about the advisability of using séances to contact the departed, Ms Zelenak, known to her intimates as "The Friendly Witch of Endor," insisted that "biblical precedent exists." She conceded, however, that it is a controversial method in fundamentalist circles and "it isn't done often. We only use our own servers and we never contact people who've gone to heaven."
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