Here are some thoughts on forgiveness which I posted on another thread, back on Nov. 15, 2010:
"BFuddled started this thread (Forgiving Without Repentance), and I hope I haven't steered it in an unhelpful direction, but I would like to respond to your good and valid question, Grieving4u.
I can only speak for myself, and my own experience is not criticism-proof, but I will still explain my perspective, for your consideration.
When I said in an earlier post that I gave myself permission to re-define forgiveness, I didn't base it on a dictionary definition, or even on Scripture verses. So I may be way off-base, but the peace in my heart is something I would not want to lose.
For me, my spirit of unforgiveness was like a chain that kept me tethered to Les Emory, the man who molested my daughters. My need to see remorse and repentance from him, hear words of contrition and true apology from him, my desire for him to REALLY grasp the ways in which his sin had permanently wounded my daughters in ways that would completely alter who they were and who they would become, and my desire to witness him pay, and pay, and pay in the most excruciating ways for what he had done to us and to many, many other MKs and their families ... this need of mine kept me tied to him.
Forgiveness, for me, came when I severed that chain. I turned Les over to God. I let him go. I decided not to put my life on hold, waiting to see all those things I thought I needed to see from him. When I cut that tie, I felt like someone who'd been trying to swim the ocean with a putrifying dead body tied to me. I let go of that weight, and there I was ... I could feel the sand under my feet, and with great relief I splashed up out of the angry waters and up onto dry land. In the sunshine of God's amazing grace and love, my spirit opened back up and I found joy again.
That's the best way I know to describe it.
But I agree with all the above points in ViaHope's post. I do not in any way minimize the vile, evil sins Les Emory committed. I hurt unspeakably over every single thing he did to every single child. I believe with all my heart that he does need to be penalized for his heinous crimes, by being incarcerated without chance of pardon or parole, for every day of the rest of his pathetic life.
But I cut him loose and let him sink. I chose not to let myself be pulled down into the sea of depression, despair and unforgiveness. He wasn't worth it.
I chose life.
I hope that helps you understand just one story of forgiveness. My story.
Raz"
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