MK forum

Congratulations That Girl (Jane Doe #7)!!!!!

I am very happy for your win! Lets hope all those who have suffered abuse while in NTM have a day of winning against Goliath(NTM), and then the walls can all fall down.

Ironman

Yea! I'm dancing with you too, That Girl!

I'm dancing in the rain
Just dancing in the rain
What a glorious feelin'
I'm happy again
I'm laughing at clouds
So dark up above
The sun's in my heart
And I'm ready for love
Let the stormy clouds chase
Everyone from the place
Come on with the rain
I've a smile on my face
I walk down the lane
With a happy refrain
Just dancing',
Dancing' in the rain

CONGRATULATIONS THAIGIRL!!! You survived the ordeal. I`m glad you are back with us.

That Girl,

Let me rephrase my question. Did you get what you wanted in the settlement of the lawsuit?

We will never know the details of the settlement between Jane Doe 7 and NTM. We don't need to; we only know - or at least guess - that she is satisfied with the outcome. At the same time we do, however, know a number of things that should be reviewed at this time.

1. NTM was very, very concerned about Jane. They wanted her to "heal" and "forgive" and "move on." They were dreadfully sorry about what had happened to her many years ago when there was a whole different set of leaders, for whose actions it really isn't fair to hold the present leadership responsible. Period. That's how they wanted to deal with it.

2. Jane made no progress in her dealings with NTM until a law suit was filed. To repeat: NO PROGRESS.

3. No investigation was required for Jane's case to come to what NTM calls an "amicable" resolution. GRACE didn't investigate, Pat Hendrix didn't have to assemble a team, no one had to do anything. And, why should there be any investigation? Everyone knows what happened, who was involved and who did and didn't do what.

4. Jane had professional help in dealing with NTM. Whatever the final settlement was, it is a far cut above what she would have got on her own, going to NTM and sitting down with the syrupy nice people there. Jane is clearly a tough person, but she is no match at all for NTM. She may not have walked away with the keys to the kingdom, but she wouldn't have got the dust off their feet had she not had the able assistance of an experienced attorney.

5. At some point, Jane realized that NTM was not on her side; they are on their own side. It could never be otherwise, and it is foolish to assume otherwise. It is proper that NTM is on NTM's side. But, that makes them an adversary, not a collaborator. When Jane asked NTM to do some specific things to help her... they said, "Have your lawyer call our lawyer." She did.

6. NTM drug out the law suit as long as they could. They made life miserable for Jane, even though she was not the one who had to deal directly with NTM. Still, Jane's law suit was settled out of court before the investigations of the other schools have even begun.

Yesterday I received communication from another Aritao Mom. I believe she was "ministering" to me (for non-NTMers, this is code for rebuking, criticizing, chastening or belittling).

This is what she wanted to communicate to me:

Talking about Les Emory and what he did to our children, and the ways in which this affected them and continues to affect them "denies God's redemptive work, as well as still living in the past. Many people do need healing, but we can't offer it unless it has already begun in our own lives by forgiving."

I believe her implication is that by what I am doing and saying/writing in my activism on the MK abuse issue, I am living in the past, thereby denying God's redemptive work. And that I have not forgiven, and therefore I can't help anyone else to heal.

In case anyone else has had those same thoughts, I would like to address these concerns.

1. I do not believe that speaking about child abusers and child abuse denies God's redemptive work. On the contrary, I am praying that my efforts actually illustrate the miraculous power of God's redemptive work. No one would accuse the Apostle Paul of denying God's redemptive work. And yet he wrote often about the wiles of the Evil One, the power of sin, the dangers of a seared conscience, and he even called out by name Christians who refused to respond to the still small voice of the Holy Spirit and allowed their lives to be taken over by the lusts of their flesh.

2. Speaking out about the past is not the same as living in the past. A wise person has said that we cannot move forward until we go back and grapple with pain from our past. Locking oneself in a closet of denial is the ultimate way to stay in the past, in my opinion. Except the person is not aware that while others around them are moving forward, they are stuck emotionally, and bound up by secrets they refuse to acknowledge or explore.

3. Forgiving is not the same as forgetting. I believe it is possible to forgive and yet still hold a person accountable for wicked things they have done and ways in which they have hurt others (and myself). I feel that I forgave Les Emory many years ago. But that does not mean that I don't still think he is a very dangerous pedophile who should be locked up for the rest of his life in order to protect innocent children in his vicinity.

One of the main reasons I have continued to participate heavily in this cause is precisely my longing to see healing take place, on every level. The steps that lead to healing can some times be terribly painful. A few months ago my husband developed a post-operative infection in his knee. The only way to save his life was to take him back to the operating room for a very rigorous scrubbing, washing and debridement of his knee, trying to get as much of the infection out as possible, and then putting him on a 6-week course of IV antibiotic that was so strong it made him feel terrible. The cure for this infection was not pleasant at all, and seemed to go on forever. Several months later he is still limping on an aching knee. But the alternative would have been far worse, and he probably would have died, without these painful interventions.

So yes, I AM motivated by the desire to see healing take place in the lives of hurting MKs and all who love them. But I do not believe that can happen effectively WITHOUT talking about child molesters such as Les Emory, and without acknowledging the horrific things he did to our children. Yes, those things happened long ago. But they left their mark permanently. I DO believe in the redemptive work of God, through Christ and His sacrifice. If I didn't, I would have no hope at all.

Will I be writing to this Aritao Mom and trying to explain myself? No. I am certain I could never convince her to think differently than she does now.

But maybe my thoughts will help someone else.

Here are some thoughts on forgiveness which I posted on another thread, back on Nov. 15, 2010:

"BFuddled started this thread (Forgiving Without Repentance), and I hope I haven't steered it in an unhelpful direction, but I would like to respond to your good and valid question, Grieving4u.

I can only speak for myself, and my own experience is not criticism-proof, but I will still explain my perspective, for your consideration.

When I said in an earlier post that I gave myself permission to re-define forgiveness, I didn't base it on a dictionary definition, or even on Scripture verses. So I may be way off-base, but the peace in my heart is something I would not want to lose.

For me, my spirit of unforgiveness was like a chain that kept me tethered to Les Emory, the man who molested my daughters. My need to see remorse and repentance from him, hear words of contrition and true apology from him, my desire for him to REALLY grasp the ways in which his sin had permanently wounded my daughters in ways that would completely alter who they were and who they would become, and my desire to witness him pay, and pay, and pay in the most excruciating ways for what he had done to us and to many, many other MKs and their families ... this need of mine kept me tied to him.

Forgiveness, for me, came when I severed that chain. I turned Les over to God. I let him go. I decided not to put my life on hold, waiting to see all those things I thought I needed to see from him. When I cut that tie, I felt like someone who'd been trying to swim the ocean with a putrifying dead body tied to me. I let go of that weight, and there I was ... I could feel the sand under my feet, and with great relief I splashed up out of the angry waters and up onto dry land. In the sunshine of God's amazing grace and love, my spirit opened back up and I found joy again.

That's the best way I know to describe it.

But I agree with all the above points in ViaHope's post. I do not in any way minimize the vile, evil sins Les Emory committed. I hurt unspeakably over every single thing he did to every single child. I believe with all my heart that he does need to be penalized for his heinous crimes, by being incarcerated without chance of pardon or parole, for every day of the rest of his pathetic life.

But I cut him loose and let him sink. I chose not to let myself be pulled down into the sea of depression, despair and unforgiveness. He wasn't worth it.

I chose life.

I hope that helps you understand just one story of forgiveness. My story.

Raz"