Child Abuse by the NTM Fanda Field Committee?
moderator note: initials are chosen randomly and do not reflect actual names
When A, B and I were in the little dorm at Fanda in the same room, B was touched by the dorm dad. In that year A told her mom that B and I were doing stuff to each others boobs and asked her mom if that was OK. ( I only found out about this next bit a few weeks ago). Her mom went to the Fanda FC and told them about it and said that this was not normal developmental behavior and she thought that either B or I were being sexually abused (The mother of A had been abused as a child).
Instead of investigating abuse they interrogated A and asked her what else B and I had done together, she said “nothing”. Then they called mine and B’s parents to Fanda, telling them what A said we had done but nothing about possible abuse. They sat B myself and our parents and all the FC men in a room and I don’t remember exactly what they said but they said that we had done something REALLY BAD. They humiliated us and told us to tell them what we had done together. We just cried. This went on for a few days while they told us how sinful these things were (they never actually told us what we had been accused of doing) .
Our parents went home after those first few days then (my mom only found out about this the other day) it got worse. They brought the dorm parents into it ( the dorm dad was B’s abuser) and they told us quite descriptively what we could have done which was nothing that A ever told them we did and told us it was wrong and we need to confess it to them. We cried a lot. We were forbidden to have any contact with each other. We were questioned together and apart.
I think the dorm parents may have initiated the continued investigation. I can’t understand why they were even involved. When we still confessed to nothing they got us individually in a room with a FC members wife and the dorm mom who hated us because I think she may have had some idea of what her husband was doing. This had gone on for around a week all up by now. We finally both admitted to doing stuff with each others boobs and insisted that there was NOTHING else.
After we told them this they dropped it and it was never brought up again. We always thought that A had told them a bunch of lies and I only found out that she didn’t A FEW WEEKS AGO when I finally found the courage to actually talk about it to her. I also thought that her mom must have told the FC because she thought we were dirty rotten kids. My parents thought that the bit that they were involved in was an overreaction.
All of this destroyed my relationship with my mom. She didn’t stand up for me. And I thought that she believed A’s lies ( which turned out not to be lies) and supported the FC. I told her after this that I didn’t want her to hug me anymore and I decided I was on my own in the world. I hated and didn’t trust any adult. I feel SO sorry for my Mom. She had no idea what actually went on! I love her SO MUCH now and have a very good relationship with her, but this change in our relationship only started to happen after I turned 18.
So… instead of investigating if there could have been any abuse they ATTACKED the abused in front of the abuser. Us children were abused by the FC. I would go as far as to say that it was sexual abuse by them at times. This happened in the 1990’s.