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Stories

August 31st, 2010 Leave a comment Go to comments

Since the start of this blog many Fanda MKs have written in their stories of abuse at Fanda.

Jill Rowe

Laura Burke Stirling

Miriam S

Kari Mik

Naomi  Quilliam Cleaves

Miriam C and here

Bonnie C

Victoria Frayne and here

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  1. Pamela E. Bennett
    August 25th, 2011 at 22:03 | #1

    I have been following the New Tribes Mission abuse since the bangladeshmksspeak blog came out but I have tried to stay out of it because I am not directly affected and what can I add to this sorry story, but I am so frustrated after I read the documentation that I had to do something. Like my husband sometimes says you don’t have to be in the firing line to speak up. I wrote New Tribes Mission an email on their contact page today and told them to close down and give all the moneys to the abused victims. I also told them its never about money when they are on the receiving line but only on the giving line. They are a shame to the name of Christ and for the good of Christianity they should cease to exist. Was it about money when they wanted to cover up their sin in the camp or were these sinful missionaries such good friends that they didn’t want their names tarnished? I realize these victims did not come forward for money but the mission and their loyal followers sure are worried about that. I wanted to cry when I read the letter from Kari’s parents needing financial assistance to probably just keep their daughter alive. This is a tragic story, indeed.

  2. MKsheri
    March 31st, 2011 at 01:40 | #2

    @Raz

    Yeah, me too. Looking for the like button. Yay Sherpa Dude!Yay Jesus!

  3. More Than Disgusted
    March 10th, 2011 at 00:55 | #3

    Thank you for your testimony, Sherpa Dude!
    Maybe you can get your name changed here also?
    I am more than disgusted by what you experienced growing up in NTM.
    But thankful/ praising Him/ encouraged/and more than elated by how He is working in your life now.
    May He do this healing work in so many others who have ‘gone thru it’ in numerous ways.
    And still praying for public repentance and action on the part of NTM leaders.
    Sooner rather than later.
    Like a roaring mountain stream instead of drip drip drip in a bucket.

  4. February 7th, 2011 at 13:59 | #4

    Down and out, your story is typical of what happened in the U.S and Canada, and Austalia. Many of those who were severly abused and humiliated have trouble holding jobs,handling stess, developing self esteem.Many are haunted by post traumatic stress disorder, wherein some innocent little sound or thing can trigger upsetting flashbacks.Many have trouble with intimacy(trust) and with parenting,as they had no parenting and due to abuse of all kinds,learned to stiffle all natural emotions.
    You can recover and get past it. You can take the sting out of nightmares,flashbacks, and memories.There are even ways to program the mind not to overreact.Don’t give up hope.Survivors of Residential abuse in some countries are known as the “lost” generations, as they lost kinship ties,family support,while attending the so called boarding schools(abuse camps).
    Don’t give up, don’t give up, don’t give up.
    Here is my offering to help with those matters: I suggest holding a smooth river rock in your hand, sit on the ground.
    Exercise one:Breath in from the earth,through your body,allowing the breath to swell up within you from the bottom up. As you breath in,focus your thoughts on breathing in the blessings,Exhale letting go of Anger, Remember the emotions and release. Use the rock as a grounding tool if you experience flashbacks.The rock is real, heavy in your hand, all the images and emotions are unreal. They can’t hurt you any more. Focus on the rock,the here and now. Let the flashback float away. Try it when feeling down, and then
    step two: In the same seated position, turn your head up and Breath in the Blessings of the Heavenly Father/God,Exhale ecstasy with god, Adore God, Remember the love of God, and REJOICE.
    These two exercises first acknowledge pain and release it, followed by filling your empty space with the joy and ecstasy of God.They represent balance and away to acknowledge pain,especially if it is connected with sexual abuse or feelings of shame. The rock serves as a tactile reminder to ground you in this reality,subliminally,while flashbacks are happening. The second exercise brings in divine inspiration and raises energy/spirits to fill you up with love of God and joy. These are just my humble offerings to deal with scary and debilitating flashbacks.Memories are stored not just in the brain but in the body.
    There is a whole division of psychology devoted to this phenomena known as somatic psychology.I am attempting to address the body memories with this, and avoiding intellectualizing which does not really work.It will calm you down and pick you up. Try it.

  5. NTM Child
    December 17th, 2010 at 11:10 | #5

    I will never forget the grossella jam. It would probably have been fine except that we were served it every day for years. Picking worms out of our cereal was a regular occurence. I remember one time they served meat that was so rotten it smelled so bad you smelled it when you walked in the door of the dining room, even the staff refused to eat it. It was the only time I remember not having to eat something.

    My favorite foods at Tambo were probably the snacks they put out — big bowls of whole tomatoes with salt shakers, the prickley pear cactus fruit, and some of the other things. Mostly my favorite foods were from Donna Antonia, Don Estanislow, and Don Amedigo. I got fresh pancitos, mote (hominey) and goats milk cheese from them. Great food and kind people.

  6. stillamhurting
    November 20th, 2010 at 20:03 | #6

    Reading the comments on this site, especially the anonymous ones, I wonder if it is someone I know, or one of my siblings, or someone stole my story and put it on here because they are so similar to what I experienced and many of my friends and my siblings, right down to the worms in the hot cereal. Just reading this site over the past year has created a major crisis in my life because it has taken me so long to realized that the things that happened to me were NOT OK! I somehow thought it was normal and we should have been grateful for the life we had. Then, all of this, combined with my children reaching the age when I was at the dorm and it’s all hit me like a ton of bricks. As I see them grow and learn and how much I still do for them and how emotionally intertwined our lives are and I compare to what I experienced, for the first time in my life I see what I missed. So it’s been a year of flashbacks and grieving and I think I’m getting through it. But I really want this to stop. It’s obvious that, even for those of us who were not sexually abused by dorm parents, the dorm was a very abusive situation. I don’t ever want any MK to have deal with this again. I’m not sure exactly what the answer is but something’s got to change!

  7. very concerned
    November 13th, 2010 at 19:05 | #7

    Not only do I gag and have to tell my stomach to settle down when I see or cook hot cereal because of the worms, maggots and roaches in our cereal, I have other bad memories when it comes to food. As MK we try and we eat some awesome foods that we all miss today. Boarding school was not one of those places of wonderful foods. I’m surprised that many of us did not get deathly sick from some of it. One of the ways I escaped the abuse of the dorm was to go and cook in the kitchen. Back then we didn’t have good frigs. Man, a lot of times when I was cooking in there, the meat was green and smelled terrible. It was just cut up and a gravy was made for over rice etc. I could taste how rotten it was because I had seen and smelled it ahead of time. Something I will never forget. Years later when I went to visit the school, the kitchen and all the updated frigs is one of the things I checked out.

    Do you guys remember the grosella jam that we had to eat for years?!

  8. Agast
    November 12th, 2010 at 21:04 | #8

    Oh No! I remember that wilted lettuce dinner! It’s the only time I’ve ever had it. I also remember having to eat horrible over ripe bananas with worms in them in another dorm! Oh, the food stories! Does anyone remember the rotten smelling lunch meat we had to eat? What a shock after being allowed to be a picky eater the first few years of my life (at home), suddenly having to eat fish cakes made with canned mackerel, liver, and on and on.

  9. highlander
    November 11th, 2010 at 17:42 | #9

    @Broken
    I remember complaining about wilted lettuce dinner and promptly getting one of those “bone to pick with you” lectures. Never beaten, but always afraid. Always. Feeling guilty for everything.
    I remember picking the floating bugs out of the rice before cooking it. I think that’s better than eating maggots, but in the same catagory of repulsive.

  10. Raz
    November 11th, 2010 at 08:38 | #10

    Broken – I am so, so sorry for the abuse you suffered food-wise. And yes, it WAS abuse. Absolutely no excuse or explanation for it. My children had dorm parents for a while who also did not do the right things in the area of food/nutrition. They were very weight conscious, so they were overly strict in that area, limiting the children’s food and making them go hungry much of the time. I also remember feeling sorry for those dorm kids because overly-ripe, mushy bananas were sometimes their only snack. Yuck. In a country where bananas are plentiful, that’s ridiculous. And I know, I didn’t make a loud enough complaint about that back then, which I now greatly regret. But your experiences are far worse. Wow.

  11. Broken
    November 8th, 2010 at 11:41 | #11

    like, for example, holding parents accountable for way too harsh discipline and telling boarding schools that kids should be able to ask for a pbj if they don’t like the food..I still cannot eat any hot cereal..have to gag thinking about all the worms I had to pick out of my breakfasts at boarding school and still eat the stuff because the powers that be made me..still will never drink milk again! I’m angry, sad, confused ad lonely beyond the telling..thanks for listening..please don’t preach! I do it to myself already..

    Down and Out..Believe it or not in John Watson’s dorm I had to eat bread with noticible boogers (and no I’m not kidding or exagerating)..boogers in it. We had to eat the worms and maggots that were also in the bread/oatmeal and if we gagged we’d be beaten. In another dorm I remember having to eat liver without gagging or we’d be spanked. Let’s see..beaten..and I do mean beaten..for not wanting to eat boogers and worms! How pathetic! How demoralizing! How totally disrepectful!

  12. More Than Disgusted
    November 6th, 2010 at 12:10 | #12

    @terry gill
    Terry, thank you for having the courage to post.
    We are devastated and more than disgusted about what happened to you, even without knowing details. You will find encouragement on the forums.
    Do you think you have the courage to write to GRACE or to the Fanda eagles?
    Praying for you.

  13. terry gill
    November 5th, 2010 at 17:47 | #13

    I was abused at Tambo.

  14. MK sheri
    October 29th, 2010 at 00:08 | #14

    I asked my counselor if she could recommend specific books on spiritual abuse. She asked my permission to ask Diane Langberg. This week she gave me a list of two books. The one is “The subtle power of Spiritual Abuse” as has already been mentioned here. The second book is “Spiritual Abuse: Mending the Soul” by Steven R. Tracy

  15. trickle down victim
    October 12th, 2010 at 21:43 | #15

    Lucy B :Yes, the book, The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse is a great healing book to read if you have been spiritually abused. As most all people who have ever been with NTM has. I read it myself after being spiritually abused by NTM for 12 years of my life also. But that spiritual abuse took years of counseling to overcome the brain washing involved in the spiritual abuse. The pharasies of the bible were alive and well in NTM while I was there and still are as far as I am concerned. I personally know three of the EC and I’ll tell you to be very cautious how much you trust them. God had to remove me from NTM to see that he was not a bully or punisher and out to get me. That he is the God of grace!!! When you set yourself up to be God to others expect to take a fall. Remember Satan?

    @Lucy B

    @jdg
    I agree Lucy B. that is a wonderful book to heal from spiritual abuse, It really helped me too. The Book “Escape from Codependent Christianity: from Religious control to spiritual freedom”, by James Richards, really helped me see the grace god really has, too. It really is “brain washing” when an organization or people tell you how you should think, and tell you what verses in the bible mean, rather than finding out
    for yourself what they mean. And the decisions you make in your life, have to be your own seeking with God, not an organization telling you what God wants you to do in or with your own life. One of the things that appalled me so much in the Grace report, was how NTM tried to tell missionaries they couldnt make their own decisions concerning their children. They were expected to abandon the children for the sake of evangelizing. I believe our children are the greatest responsibility we are given by God, and to put the mission above them, and let them flounder and be hurt, misguided and lost is a total failure of the responsibility God gave us with our children.

  16. jdg
    October 11th, 2010 at 09:54 | #16

    @Lucy B
    @SRW

    I will chime in with an endorsement of SPSA, that book really helped me.

  17. Lucy B
    October 10th, 2010 at 21:47 | #17

    Yes, the book, The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse is a great healing book to read if you have been spiritually abused. As most all people who have ever been with NTM has. I read it myself after being spiritually abused by NTM for 12 years of my life also. But that spiritual abuse took years of counseling to overcome the brain washing involved in the spiritual abuse. The pharasies of the bible were alive and well in NTM while I was there and still are as far as I am concerned. I personally know three of the EC and I’ll tell you to be very cautious how much you trust them. God had to remove me from NTM to see that he was not a bully or punisher and out to get me. That he is the God of grace!!! When you set yourself up to be God to others expect to take a fall. Remember Satan?

  18. SRW
    October 1st, 2010 at 09:41 | #18

    @SRW
    I found the book in my library, the authors are David Johnson & Jeff WanVonderen. Bethany House Publishers, Minneapolis, Minnesota ISBN # 1-55661-160-9

  19. SRW
    September 30th, 2010 at 20:23 | #19

    A Book that really helped me heal from the spiritual abuse we encountered in our 12 years with the mission is called “The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse” I can’t remember the author at this time, sorry.

  20. Delora Ogilvie
    September 7th, 2010 at 15:39 | #20

    This is Aunt Deli, I would love to talk to anyone from our dorm. I am here and praying for you all by name. I loved you all as my own children and often wonder where you are. If I can help in any way contact me.

  21. Tuti Hess
    September 7th, 2010 at 07:51 | #21

    A call to anyone out there who has suffered sexual abuse within the NTM context. I humbly ask you to come forward and tell your story. This needs to be strongly attacked and defeated. My heart goes out to you all, God give us courage in the days ahead.