MK forum

I haven't seen anyone post anything about how their health has/had been affected. Does anyone know if they had health issues that began at the time or shortly after your abuse?

When I was in Frank's dorm, I started having health issues. In fact, my sister got married in the US during the Christmas break, so we came to America for the wedding and while here, my parents had them check me for ulcers and then diabetes. I was complaining of a lot of stomach problems. Later, I developed psoriasis. First, on my scalp, then it spread through my body. In the last 12 years or so, I have developed psoriatic arthritis. Some days, I feel like I am 70 years old. Psoriatic arthritis imitates rheumatoid arthritis and can be quite debilitating at times.

When I went through counseling, I learned that many health issues can be traced back to have started when someone was abused. In fact, arthritis is a big one. So, is there anyone out there that can relate?

Memories: I'm so sorry. I know that post traumatic stress disorder can have all kinds of physical effects on your body. I personally don't recall ever having something health related like that. The closest thing I can remember is having at least weekly a nightmare in which a faceless, male bad person was chasing me. I knew he was planning on hurting me. I spent the whole nightmare trying to run away. It was exhausting. Then I would see someone whom I loved and was close to. I would yell out for their help. They would either turn their back and walk away or they would actually grab me and hold me in order to give me over to this bad person. I always woke up before the guy got me. There is only one time that I turned the tables on him. I actually grabbed a shovel and hit him over the head. Then I plunged the shovel into his abdomen and then twisted it, just to make sure. I can't believe I even dreamed that.
My counselor did a "therapy" on me which now I can't remember the name of it. At first when she explained it to me, I thought it was pretty weird. she said that often our memories get trapped and manifest themselves though nightmares or other things. So she did this therapy and afterwards I didn't have that reoccuring dream anymore. It wasn't like any new memories surfaced or anything. Maybe something in my emotions or something just had to "work itself out." I have had a similar dream only a few times in the last years since I had counseling.
I'm sure you're not alone with the health issues though.

As a social worker, I've learned that the mind, body and spirit are intermingled. One part affects the other, its the way God made us to function. Its actually kind of interesting that God allows us to have physical outward and inward manifestations of what is happening to us psychologically and emotionally as a way to help give us warning. For example, I realized that when I go through an immense amount of stress my hair begins to fall out.
I realized when I was at Vianopolis I was very sick and I didn't realize it as much. I remember always coughing and coughing and coughing and coughing (I was really sensitive to cold, dry air which was very common to dry season at Vianopolis). Finally, one day, I coughed so hard that blood came out. My dorm dad was really alarmed and he took me to the hospital, only then. Of course, it was Via and the only doctor was in an emergency with several other patients. I never got treated for my cough. I never found out why it was there. My mom later explained to me that the coughing made a vessel in throat break- that’s why there was blood.

I know I felt a lot of anxiety about it. People would stare at me as I coughed in the cafeteria. I felt anxious and it made my coughing worse. I wish I could have gone to the doctor once and for all and at least had him check my lungs to see if something was wrong.
Almost every day I feel a pain in my lungs when I breath in and out deeply. The doctor said it isn’t anything serious or to worry about, but it still hurts.

I'm interested in knowing what health problems people have had since each one started reading the forum. Mine: 1)depression-worst Oct-Jan. 2) insomnia 3) new diagnosis of full blown osteoarthritis 4)anxiety and secondary traumatic stress disorder

Stomach ulcers at 25. The doctor wanted to remove 1/3 of my stomach.
Nightmares all my life until I read the GRACE report. Since then not one. Thank You Lord.
Many panic attacks while out here reading and posting. Now only mild anxiety at times.

I suffered nightmares my entire life. I would have the same one a couple of times a week. I've been in therapy for the last 6 years. The first three years were really intense and now I speak to my therapist on a quarterly basis. I haven't had a nightmare in about 3 years. I do have anxiety, not as severe as before as I have learned to manage it, lots of yoga and breathing excercises when it gets too much. My husband has been a great help, he is my calm in this crazy,scary journey.

Jane Doe

I've struggled with all of this emotionally- starting with the reading of the GRACE report and continuing through the first several months of participating on this forum. I allowed myself some time to spend away from the forums- still read pretty often, but not commenting nearly as much. That seemed to help. It was consuming me, and I knew that could not be good either. I had to keep reminding myself why I was here (at the forums).

Yes, insomnia, feelings of guilt, isolation. I began to feel I had been part of a cult and was breaking away, so there was some grief there too.

In regards to grief, after I lost my daughter in 2008, I began to look at my life, and realized I had spent a good deal of it grieving the loss of my parents (to the demands of ministry), the loss of my family (to a system), the loss of innocence (from having to grow up too soon, abuses, etc), the loss of a "normal" life, whatever that is. This grief, like any grieving we do, has a lot of physical manifestations too.

Interestingly, I didn't begin to see the physical signs of grief in myself (having always considered myself a rather happy, bubbly person) until someone I know shared with me that her husband had said he never saw me smile, that I always looked sad. I was surprised, dismayed, somewhat indignant when she told me this, but I started thinking about it, and realized that although I may have put on a brave front that some people fell for, others saw through the mask to the hurting person inside.

That's when I decided to stop pretending and to just BE sad if I was sad, to be angry or cranky. In effect, I gave myself permission to be me. Interestingly, this only happened when I was no longer surrounded by family or friends from my past, and was, instead, in a setting where people wouldn't know my history unless I told them, and they didn't have any expectation as to how I should be. How refreshing that was! Now, these same people are my faith family, and in many ways, are the family I never had. They've walked the "valley of the shadow of death" with me and stood by my side. In turn, healing began to creep in and I began to smile more, but this time, it was a reflection of my inner peace, not a mask to protect a broken heart!

My husband has bad dreams, in which he kicks and thrashes around, since starting therapy. I don't guess they are nightmares as he doesn't wake up screaming. In fact he only wakes up if I ask him if he's okay.

I have insomnia, but it's not from reading here. It's from living with the anxiety of what might happen next, being married to an angry depressed MK. However things have been gong smoothly since March. ( I almost hate to type that. Might jinx it.)

Shadowspring2-

Thanks for sharing. I don't know if your husband recognizes or can even voice it, but you are a blessing. Just the fact that you are here, reading and trying to understand what makes him "tick" is really admirable. It speaks volumes as to the love you have for him.

I pray you find answers, that you are able to help him. I encourage you to keep pushing him to talk about it. Make your relationship a safe place for that to happen.

My husband has seen me rage, has seen me cry with a broken heart, has learned to read the signs that all is not right within me. He's very sensitive to that. He's exceedingly faithful, which is something I needed more than probably any other thing in my life - to know that no matter what I do, or how I act, his arms are always open for me, his ears are always willing to listen, and even when he doesn't have the answer I need or want, he loves me. He's helped me foster friendships that are good for me, has helped me establish boundaries, has kept our family unit strong. I'm thinking that, if your husband is anything like me, that's what he needs too.

It is HARD for us to trust. Those who have sought professional counseling have benefited, but taking that first step is nearly impossible, because we were taught to always hide weakness, that depression was a lack of faith, that we always had to have all the answers.

Thanks for sticking with him. Keep doing what you do.