MK forum

I'm wondering how so many who lived there can be silent about the suffering at Via - or how so few have publicly acknowledged it. Is our silence a result of years of not rocking the boat and not wanting to be perceived as rebellious?

I'm conflicted, because so much is in me that needs to find its way out - but I'm slave to my own constant mental reminders to be a good little Christian. Forgive. Don't be so dramatic. Everyone has baggage, deal with it. And then the mad cycle begins - depression, shame, blame - over and over.

I think "we" can say that we all want answers and hope to the conflict and pain within us.

Interesting how a culture of fear can even now subject many to feelings of guilt, denial, repression, anger, and the belief that it was "all their fault". I am reminded of the verse where the Christ says it would be better that a millstone be tied around the neck of the offender and that person be tossed into the sea, than to harm a child, preventing that one from coming to Him. I see in many of these posts, the wreckage of lives and the prevention of many from having a meaningful relationship with one's Heavenly Father because of the abuses of earthly "fathers". Of whom much is given, much shall be required.

Rather than being filled with fear, a better reminder ought to be how enraged the Christ was when He overturned the tables and fashioned a cord of whips when He saw those perverting the outer courts of His Father's House. How much more is He enraged when He sees the actions of those in authority claiming His Name while committing unspeakable atrocities?!

I will say all I know,

Dorm Parents
I was never abused in any way I would consider abuse by any staff at via. Yes there may have been times where a staff member was upset at me, and perhaps could have expressed themselves in a more biblical way, however never do I believe i was abused spiritually, emotionally, or physically.

Now might I have done some things differently, sure; or were my leaders perfect examples, no, but over and all I had good experiences under my dorm parents, and I never saw other kids being mistreated. I say this with one reservation, one of my dorm parents had a shorter fuse and sometime would be overly upset in his expression at a kid for reasons making him or her cry. I believe perhaps he should not have been in the position of a dorm parent for this reason, but beyond this I never saw anything alarming.

The dorm parents I lived with include:

Bucky and Joanne Nageli
Kevin and Duanne terlouw
Don and glenda greenwood


Now, before I was a student at via i know there were issues of sexual abuse from Uncle Frank who parented the little dorm. I don't know details, so i won't speak here. I know ntm did act in some way, however I believe he passed away shortly, or some time thereafter.

Leadership.
I know that there were issues with two or so of the field leadership at via who made various staff pressured into doing things abusing their positions of authority. I know several staff members left because of this

Teachers
The only teachers i can remember acting in a way which might be inappropriate was Kathy stucky, who was quite stern in class, and sometimes spanked kids quite hard in front of the class which was humiliating for them. I was never spanked by her that I remember.

I remember my time at via as a good time that was a lot of fun, and which i learned many things about Life and God. I think on it as a good time of in my life, even though Now I would definitely would have changed some ways things were done.

That is my experience at via in the 90's

I have mixed feelings about Via - I know I learned a lot there, but mostly I think through suffering, which does end up being the way we learn best. I think someone said something about walking on eggshells - that is a very good description of how my three years there went. I wasn´t sexually abused there and in terms of other abuse, there are things that happened that, as an adult, i can see were not handled correctly. While I was at Via a dorm parent was removed and I remembered my rage when they didn´t come clean with the "why". The rage was related to my own abuse suffered previously, but it also was indignation with the coverup. I´ve written to Grace and I received the response below from them and I´d like to pass it on to all of us.

As for possible manipulation (which was mentioned in someone´s post) - we are always manipulated by what we register around us. I don´t know if this works for everyone (although I suspect it does), but whenever I center down and spend a little bit of time reading from that letter God wrote us, its clear message reorientates the needle on my head compass back to pointing true North. Unfortunately, I don´t do that frequently enough. So with this whole thing with abuse, etc., I have felt those old fingers pointing at me again, judging me for talking...again But then, "speak the truth in love", says the letter, "as sheep among wolves, be as wise as serpents but as gentle as doves. Do justly, love mercy and walk humbly."

And with that in mind, I encourage everyone to write if they feel lead - don´t feel like you´re betraying. In the spirit of doing justly, loving mercy, and walking humbly, shining light on anything is good, illuminating the dark places - and if you were to find me in those dark places, doing something that hurt someone else, then I would want a chance to ask for forgiveness, and receive it, and be healed myself. Give the "perpetrators" a chance to do that too - and maybe many of them won´t - but we won´t know until we give them a chance. Forgiveness feels so good.

Now I´ll give up my soapbox, Thank you, Fanda MK´s and here´s the e-mail from GRACE below:

We are in receipt of you email. GRACE is in the process of making certain recommendations to NTM regarding what process should be used to investigate past abuse issues at other NTM boarding schools. We hope to have that to them within the next 10 days. We will communicate with you once such a process has been determined. In the meantime, please encourage others who may have been abused at Vianopolis to make contact with GRACE. Thank you very much for making contact. Be encouraged....

Peace


Boz Tchividjian, Esq.
Executive Director, GRACE
www.netgrace.org

Can I beg a favor? If your time at Via was great & you just don't understand what the big hoopla's about, please don't post it in this forum. This is not the place for it. When you declare your love for all the adults at Via & your super awesome experience there, all it does is stick in the craw of those who did not have that experience. It reinforces their feelings of unworthiness, their feelings of guilt that they are probably over-reacting, and it negates the existence of their problems.

Also, please keep preaching to a minimum, or even non-existent would be better. Yes we were manipulated. Yes we are manipulated by our circumstances. However, we were manipulated through the use of shame and guilt - not just unfortunate circumstances.

If you love Via, that's great. But remember that some would like to see it burn to the ground & try to be sensitive to that.

We are missionary kids and we're glad we are. We have a right to shout and sing. Our hearts are filled with praise, For these are golden days . . . (does anyone else need to vomit?)