After watching my wife agonize and weep these past two weeks as she read story after story of abuse at both Fanda and Via, and then listening as she read aloud many of the sad and sordid details, the words of Jeremiah 17:9 came to mind. “And the heart is deceitful…” And to think that these tragic and heartbreaking events/crimes took place at missionary school bases…
The enemy must be laughing as he sees so many lives negatively affected. To destroy lives is a primary goal of his, no matter how he does it. He hates God, and he also hates us. It is easy to see from these horrific accounts that huge mistakes were made in the handling of the abused and the abusers. As my wife cried out, “Why did we not stand up sooner to protect those that we love so much?” We were parents that not only loved our children, but also each and every mk. We still want the very best for all of you. We finally realized after years of being bullied that we were equals with the teachers, dorm parents, and school leadership. We had different ministries, but one wasn’t above the other.
So, we stepped in at times to protect some of you. And we know that other parents have also done the same – it may not be known to many people and so seem like silence, but I imagine that many parents are taking action that they do not show up on this forum. For example, O.T., your parents are a blessing wherever they go. But your dad became my hero when he listened to a child trying to defend an unfair action against her younger sibling. He not only listened, he sided with her and made the dorm parent revoke his threat of punishment.
Some have mentioned the lack of communication on the part of the parents. We can’t answer for all, but to be honest we have been struggling with extreme sadness and guilt. It’s hard to forgive ourselves for not protecting the most vulnerable and most precious ones in our lives. There were years that we allowed controlling people dictate when we could sit with our children in the refei, when we could take them downtown to talk, when older siblings could visit or comfort one another, where lists of past wrongs were kept on some students, where the mks needed to act more spiritual than the adults. How did we allow that to happen?
The final straw was reading the account of a mk from PNG that made a comment that may not have been the best, but was definitely something common for teens to say. And to read how the adults in the school stomped all over him, making that comment equal to rape – and that he was never the same again.
Flashbacks came to me of that same emotional/spiritual abuse forced on not only our children but on other mks. Oh, my. The verse of the “millstone” certainly has probably applied to the abusers. But what about we parents? Were we the Samaritan that helped the victim “up” or did we walk on by? We have had years in both those roles. We are so sorry for not standing up for you sooner. Please forgive us.
We have hope for the mission as changes have been made in leadership and in leadership style. We have hope as we see you all helping one another. Many of the comments have been so helpful and full of love and understanding. Please don’t stop until all have been helped through the painful process of healing. Helping one another, encouraging one another, caring and empathizing with one another, is so good! A verse so well known, but I fear too often unheeded by many of us is Matt. 11:28. “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”
I loved the entry that emphasized the need for prayer and fasting and seeking God in this whole situation. Above all else, His glory should be our primary concern. (I Cor. 10:31, I Peter 4:11).
I would like to propose a seven point pledge, and then mention a prayer.
I pledge…
1. to be involved in whatever way God leads as I continuously seek His guidance. 2. to be on “praying ground”, i.e., choosing to live in such a way that my prayers are not hindered. (cf. Psalm 19:12-14 and Psalm 139:23, 24). 3. to pray regularly for the abused and the abusers and for the families of both. (and too) to pray for wisdom for the NTM leaders as to the action they must take and that it would be taken as soon as possible. 4. to seek opportunity to pray with, not just for, the abused or abusers, on a regular basis as long as needed. (over the phone or in person if possible). 5. to trust God more for miracles of healing in the lives of both the abused and abuser. (cf. Mark 9:22b-24) “Everything is possible for him who believes.” 6. to remember and take to heart the fact that even though ultimately all sin is against God, there are responsibilities for mission/church leaders to act justly. (Micah 6:7,8). 7. to respond to those who’ve been abused like the Good Samaritan responded; “…he… took care of him…” Luke 10:34, and then he continued to care for the abused man. He gave of his time and money. Jesus’ words to the expert in the law who had listened to the parable are challenging: “…Go and do likewise.” Luke 10:37
Psalm 142 is a prayer that seems to apply: “In the path where I walk men have hidden a snare for me……Listen to my cry, for I am in desperate need; rescue me…Set me free from my prison, that I may praise your name.”
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