I’ve contemplated writing this for over two years, but I wanted to give myself plenty of time to allow things to settle, to process all that occurred, and to contemplate how to communicate it clearly. What I want to say to the voices of the Fanda Eagles is thank you! Thank you for bravely and relentlessly sharing your stories. Thank you for standing up and advocating when NTM continually disregards your message. Your willingness to vulnerably shed light on this issue has made a difference. I thank you for me, I thank you for my family, and I thank you for my children.
We are NTM MKs who were, until two years ago, NTM missionaries. I would like to share a little bit of our story here. I’m sharing because I want you to know your work here matters and has made a difference, but I’m also sharing for any other NTM missionaries who may be reading here like we were.
We were at the Missionary Training Center in Missouri when the Fanda Report was released. We had recently taken their very informative Child Protection course (I cannot thank the teachers of that era enough for the knowledge that we received. This course opened our eyes and forever changed our view on abuse and child protection. Unfortunately, since our time, the teachers we so greatly respected are no longer teaching this course, and the material has changed). During this course, we were immediately burdened with the gravity of abuse and unacceptable response to abuse. With our heightened sense of awareness, the Fanda Report concerned us greatly. I could not understand why MKs had to essentially force the mission to look into this further.
At the time, we were amazed at the response of NTM. They very clearly stated that they cared about the pain the abuse and unacceptable response had caused MKs and were committed to dealing with it no matter what that meant for the mission. This impressed us, and we wholeheartedly agreed with this approach. We were told they were committed to transparency which was also extremely important to us. Their commitment to investigate, respond, and remain transparent factored greatly into our decision to move forward and become members of NTM. We finished our training, raised our support, and prepared to serve as missionaries in South America. All along I wondered how I would know if they did not continue on this path. For so many years they had been dishonest about these big issues and everyone just trusted them. I knew blind trust wasn’t the answer, but if I’m perfectly honest, I was a bit scared of the truth. We had invested so much time, energy, and effort into this one goal and it was easier to trust than to risk finding out they weren’t following through.
We arrived in South America as the investigation into abuse in that area was coming to a close. We were appalled at the conversations we were hearing in regard to the investigation and grew more concerned as time went on. We were increasingly aware that, in spite of our informative training and the mission’s new “tough” policies, there was a mission culture, at least among some in our area, that contributed to an environment where abuse could continue to thrive. Given these disturbing conversations, my husband decided that if we were going to have any part in these discussions, we needed to be informed. He wanted to be able to present another side than was commonly being shared. We started reading the thread for the local MK school on Fanda Eagles to hear the rest of the story. This began our journey to discover the truth.
The more we read, the more concerned we became. Not only did we care greatly about how this organization that we were representing was responding to sin (and crime), we also wanted to advocate for our fellow MKs who had been so grievously wronged. In addition, we have children; we would be remiss if we weren’t vigilant in understanding how this organization was or wasn’t seeking to protect them.
We were very aware of the failings in how abuse was dealt with in the past. The question we had was what they were going to do about current and past abuse that was uncovered NOW. When the Gary Earl situation first came to light, things began to get serious. We felt their response was extremely weak, so I began to investigate a bit more. Imagine my surprise when I found their response to be in direct opposition to their current policy. The policy in the NTM Child Protection Manual stated, “In confirmed cases of physical abuse, NTM‐USA will dismiss the member with the possibility of reinstatement based on meeting all requirements as stated in the Action Plan.” There was no dismissal, therefore no adherence to policy.
We immediately wrote with our concerns and brought to light (as I know others did) the fact that they weren’t following their own policy. Their response was a slight change in status that still failed to align with their policy. Not surprisingly, they immediately removed their Child Protection Manual from the members’ website. This policy was not available for months, and when it returned, the wording was appallingly vague.
This began nearly a year of frustrating communication with both NTM’s EB as well as the Child Protection Department. From the start, we communicated that we were seeking to understand their position and why they were making the decisions they were making. We truly believed these decisions were coming out of a lack of understanding of abuse and abusers. They continually told us they agreed that a strong stance needed to be taken, but we felt their actions were not lining up. When pushed, they gave excuse after excuse as to why they couldn’t take a more hard-line stance. When we broke down those excuses and exposed them as unfounded, a new one was presented. We reached out, again and again, seeking to understand. We communicated through emails and phone calls on many occasions hoping they would clear up our understanding and we could continue our ministry with confidence.
As time went on, this was becoming a part-time job adding to the already full-time hours we were putting in. It seemed like the more we searched, the more confused we became. Next came the local MK school report. We were looking to this to see how they were going to handle it. Were they as concerned and transparent as they said they were? In our opinion, the report was sorely lacking in both transparency and concern. This only added to our growing alarm. Our communication was continuing to be unsuccessful as we were receiving no answers. They repeatedly “agreed” with us while their actions told a different story. We continued to hope that maybe, just maybe, they didn’t understand how their actions were coming across so we persistently questioned.
Back and forth communication perpetually resulted in frustration and their request that we “trust” them. We didn’t feel they had proven themselves trustworthy so we kept pressing. We had finally decided that, given the difficulty we were having ascertaining their position, we would finish out our term, meet with them during our time in the States, and reevaluate then. We had been asking God for real clarity, and since none had presented itself, we decided to stay for the time being. It was then that NTM announced their appointment of Theresa Lynn Sidebotham as head over these investigations. Upon reading her take on MKs and abuse (Are Protestant Ministries a New Market?), we were taken aback. Surely the leadership of NTM could not know about this. If they truly “agreed” with us, there is no way they would hire someone with these opinions for this position.
Another round of questioning began. They unwaveringly defended this decision which confused us all the more. Our final conversation with a member of the EB and a member of the Child Protection Department clarified everything. We pushed and pushed in an effort to understand. After essentially backing them into a corner, they admitted what their actions had been showing all along but the very thing they had been vehemently denying throughout our communication: They believed what she said to be true. They believe that “Many accusations are true, but a substantial percentage are exaggerated or untrue.” (page 18) They had very specifically denied this statement to be true when we had initially approached them with our concerns about Ms. Sidebotham’s views as represented in this article. We got our answer, and it was not the answer we were hoping for. In fact, it was the very opposite.
Our hearts were broken as we worked up the courage to do the one thing we never planned on doing-- leave NTM. This decision would undoubtedly not be understood by many of our closest friends and family. We had been told by the head of Child Protection that we should trust them or leave. In the end, they not only proved untrustworthy, as they were telling us one thing while believing and doing another but also unwilling to take a hard stance against abuse, so we left.
After making the decision to leave, we were appalled to learn that NTM never intended for the GRACE report to be made public. The very reason we felt confident enough to join NTM and allow them to take part in the protection of our children — transparency — was a facade all along. And then only to learn from the ABWE report that NTM was recommending this very disturbing article to the leadership of ABWE at the same time they were presenting an attitude of care and transparency to us. Here we had trusted the authenticity of their concern when all along they were seeking mainly to protect the interest of the mission and believing MKs were out for money.
Never have I been more thankful that we left when we did. We owe a debt of gratitude to you for your advocacy. NTM has refused again and again to be held accountable and yet you, with your courageous truth-telling, have created an accountability that wouldn’t exist without your voices. The actions of this organization have been horrifying, and they are doing a fairly good job of hiding the truth, but you, my friends, are shining light into the darkness. Thank you!
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