MK forum

There is at least one report here of abuse in a training institute--Fredonia, WI.
We could almost say we don't want to hear of anymore!
But whoever is willing to tell their story--gets a hearing/ reading.
And if it helps them---we listen/ read.
It does help so much to know that they were not the only one.
The MKSN Conference should be really helpful to whomever can attend.

Mosquito bite you are correct it is wonderful to be surrounded by those who believe and understand your story. At the MKSN conference there will be many of us to support each other.

I despise that school. I started going there when I was 16 and the bullying got so bad that I left a semester early, lived with another relative, and spent the rest of senior year in the states while my family was still there. One teacher used popcorn reading and let students smack each other with rulers if it took more than two seconds to pick up wherever the person randomly left off. Literally. My classmates hurt me in gym class on purpose but the same teacher was the gym teacher. Locker was jammed, stuff put in my chair so that I would sit in it, backpack taken, homework stolen, cyberbullied, straddled against my will when I was laying on a bench, etc by my classmates. Another teacher gave me weekly talks about what I could say or do to make them stop. I'm mad at the authority figures that I ran to for help and projected the blame onto me. When they did do something, it was too little too late.

That is terrible! I am glad you got away from there, but sad that you suffered so much. It sounds like an environment where others were probably bullied too.

@Raz thank you for your compassion.
@Bemused you're so right. Thanks so much for responding
I felt like such a clueless alien there. I hated being raised in the states and then at such a crucial age being put in a country where the culture was so different. And the twist is that my parents job (that they got 4 years of training for) was to conform to the environment. So it became my job too. Today I'm still a really confused person on what's actually right and wrong and true because nobody gave real help to walk me through it.
My parents (who I've come to realize are also spiritually toxic), were forced into things. I feel like I can't even say too much online should anyone ever find it and things get ugly. I think they call it normal because trials do happen to everyone. The problem is when it comes from fellow believers in the name of the gospel. That's legalism with a different look. I was outright told by somebody, if I made a mistake I could ruin my parents ministry. I got the speech multiple times about being a light to my classmates. I went to my homeroom teacher crying about my classmates. He was the Bible teacher. He kept saying I should talk to a woman as if it was an issue that a girl can't go to the person in power if they're male because that "could" lead down a dangerous path. Someone else told me not to judge. At all. Even the things that were actually wrong. Someone told me (a 16 yr old petite female at the time) to go to horror movies and clubs and bars with my peers to form relationships, even if I had no interest in those things. Many times I was taught lying there isn't actually lying. And it's so convenient how if all the bad stuff for a worthwhile cause and wonderful Deity, then you're a terrible person for interrupting it with your voice about your own personal interests.

Yes I can see how this messes around with the head. I think you are on the right track, as you've obviously thought through matters instead of just blindly accepting.
Personally I just couldn't make any sense of it. NTM left me dissillusioned with Christianity and religion as a whole, namely because I couldn't work out how one could justify treating other human beings so badly in the name of a supposedly loving God. I don't particularly care for labels, but to make it simple for others, I label myself an Agnostic. In hindsight I probably always a little that way inclined, as I like to know how things work, not just accept with blind faith.

Your concern about who reads these posts is valid. I'd be cautious about what is written in public if you feel it might come to bite ya on the tail. But if this ageing Agnostic from way south of the equator can be of any help, you're welcome to send a personal message. I've found corresponding with others with a similar background most beneficial.

Take care

Thanks Bemused. You're exactly right about the justifying the hurt, not to mention covering it up. I have no idea how to wrap my head around the concept of God being there during that dark time. I take breaks between working through it and letting it hide in the corner for a little while.

I'm too guarded and cautious to private message people... For now, anyway. I'm sorry. That can be offensive, depending on your personality/upbringing. It's not a f*** you, by I'd be lying if I said self-preservation didn't have anything to do with it.

What helped me was to in my own mind strip NTM down to it's basic components and understand what was making the average Triber tick. To understand why they acted the way they did in other words.

I was old enough to remember going into training and so the life pre and post NTM. I remember arriving at boot camp and warning bells going off in my head. It was a very alien environment, that behind the facade of ultimate sacrifice for the most noble cause, was a structure with a clearly defined pecking order and a control by fear by those at the top. And my parents changed rapidly, suddenly they were talking in mantras and everything and everyone had to be labeled so that we could follow a predefined reaction to the people we encountered. And we started to use people for what they had, rather than seeing them as individuals. For me, in hindsight, we had entered a CULT.
The year at language school was relatively normal and then we went to the mission field and the nightmare really began. The mantra of breaking a childs will to make them subservient to god was enforced, except it had more to do with the sadistic pleasure of those inflicting the beatings, mental manipultion and sexual abusing, than any god. And the pecking order and labeling was back in full force. It was an environment devoid of normal human compassion, yet rambling on about a loving god, a place that preached sexual purity day after day, but closed a blind eye to those who molested and raped children and a home for rascists, haters and fanatics. The reason none of this was cleaned up was the CULT mentallity, as long as one regurgitated the prescribed mantras, didn't get off side with the filed committee and was the right race, color and country of origin, one could pretty much do what one liked to those lower down the pecking order and get away with it.
To be fair, there were some good people about and some of them got me through without going totally insane, but the system was rotten to the core and they had their own battles to fight.

NTM was not a "normal" environment and still isn't. It's a CULT and it's members by and large have been programmed. Those at the bottom of the order are scared to step out of line and to think for themselves. Some get out, some are thrown out for questioning or thinking for themselves, but many stay in because they don't know anything else, have swallowed the line that the outside world is terrible or find that financially they are doing quite well thank you very much. There is an answer and excuse for everything, no matter how ludicrous the answer or excuse. Everything is god's will or god's judgement, depending on who you are. Everything and everyone is seen as black or white, friend or foe, of use or to be discarded.

And that's the environment we grew up in and the residue of which will roam around in our minds for the rest of our lives. For me it has been liberating to see why it was all so weird and damaging and then rebuild my life with the good bits of my past and discard the cultish rubbish.

The bottom line is, as a child none of this was your fault. It was the result of decisions of others. Away from the toxic environment of our childhoods, the air is much cleaner, but every so often we will get a whiff of the pasts pong. Just try and stand upwind and don't inhale if the wind changes.