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Alice in Wonderland
Once upon a time
In a land lets call Wonder
A character called Alice
Dropped in with crash and thunder
O.k. if this sounds somewhat familiar
Well, not this version of this tale
So sit back, relax
And have a sip of thy favourite ale
So we start with the White Rabbit
Skipping across the field
The disappearing down a mighty hole
Which Alice should have sealed
But oh no not Alice
Curious kind of girl
She drifted down the rabbit hole
Life flashing before her in a swirl
And as she tired of falling
With mighty thud her trip did end
And she saw before her three doors
But no sign of rabbit friend
And as previously mentioned
Curiosity was her middle name
So she opened up the door
Which unlocked to the key upon her chain
And sauntering in gaily
That means happy in case thee ask
She saw two strange men
A going about strange task
Tweedle Jim and Tweedle Jum
Were debating right from wrong
For they considered themselves experts
In theology, hymns and evensong
And they argued for hours at length
In pious tones and words
So absorbed were they in arguing
They saw not the trees and birds
And when finally they saw young Alice
They spoke to her with piety
For she was but a girl
And as such a non entity
So Alice wandered on
And spied the King of Hearts
With all his loyal subjects
Playing their submissive parts
The King pontificated loudly
That all were equal in the land
Except for those not truly blessed
And were not as he was grand
He said "behold it is written
Or spaken unto me
And ye have not the right to question
For I have dominion over thee"
And the King of Hearts went to conferences
In the land of Diamonds, Clubs and Spades
Dining at taxpayer expense
With fancy suit and lovely shades
Just then Alice saw a feline
It faded in and out of view
The Cheshire Cat of Wonderland
Who did of sin a great review
Oh did I forget to mention
Scandal rocked this strange and foreign land
So twas ordered an investigation
Hailed as very very grand
And the Cheshire Cat smiled strangely
As it came in and out of view
With that strange Mona Lisa smile
That accompanied the sin review
Then just around the corner
A teaparty was in full swing
With a strange looking individual that
"We welcome you" did sing
And the table was all laid out
As the Mad Hatter sat with vacant stare
The Dormouse and you guessed it
A troubled March Hare
The Mad Hatter stammered
"I see no evil here"
And the Dormouse replied
"We do no evil, never fear"
Of course you are assuming
That the March Hare said he heard not a thing
But he said nothing of the sort
For he's deaf and missed the cue type ring
O.k. so this is not how you remembered
This story of long ago
But hey, I'm writing my own version
And I was there, so I really know
Oops, sorry, confidential information
This story is about a girl called Alice
Forget the lines above
Must be interference by heart filled with malice
No I am not admitting I am bitter
This story is not about me
Oh why have we deviated
Lets get back to Alice and the tea party
Right back to the story
Yes a magic mushroom Alice spied
And beneath it four familiar faces
Playing music that could not be denied
"Let It Be" sang the four
As the magical mystery bus pulled into view
"Strawberry Fields Forever"
George, Paul, John and Ringo too
Then came a loud announcement
From the King of Hearts
Such raucous musical celebration
Were not listed as accepted arts
And Tweedle Jim and Tweedle Jum
Delivered personal ministry
To all those who listened to the music
Played under the Magic Mushroom tree
Then Alice spied the White Rabbit
And said "I wish to go home you see"
To which the Rabbit looked most perplexed
As he sipped his herbal tea
"You can check out any time" he said
"But you can never leave
We do not give refunds for this trip
Be joyous and do not grieve"
The Mad Hatter and the Dormouse
Sang the chorus and refrain
"Give generously to the cause
And a tax refund you can claim"
"Didn't anyone tell you"
The March Hare spoke in monotone
"You have to wait till graduation day
And then you're sent home all alone"
And then in monotonous monotone
As he had hundreds of times before
He lectured Alice on being grateful
For all the grass laid at her door
He pointed to a fence in the distance
Stressing that the grass was a green illusion
That if one partook of what lay on other side
One would have a life of lost confusion
As for grass under Alice's tootsies
He assured her all was green
Especially with the rose coloured glasses
With which it really must be seen
And then before Alice knew it
Graduation Day did arrive
And Alice was made to give a speech
Thanking all for helping her survive
So she bid farewell to the Cheshire Cat
The Tweedles and Mad Hatter too
The King of Hearts and his entourage
And Wonderlands who's who
She checked out for the final time
Although a part of her would never leave
And there was no way she was a going back
That lost part to retrieve
So there we have it folks
The strange story of a child called Alice
Who had a life of childhood poverty
Dressed up as royal palace
Of course Alice did survive
Went on to write her memoirs in a book
Of which the above is the edited highlights
At which we got a glimpse and look
And behold I've come to the end
For all stories must come to pass
Thank you for joining me and Alice
On a journey through the Looking Glass
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