MK forum

Here's a good article about how it all starts:

I'm still struggling a lot to face the past, and just can't share too much yet, but I was abused as an MK. I thought it was a normal part of being an MK, just part of life, part of what God expected. Later in my teen years, I became a PK where abuses continued, as if a sign on my head invited it.
Then as a young adult, I attended a Christian university and was raped by a student who then went out to serve in "full time" christian service.
I struggle to trust churches. I struggle to trust God. I try very hard to block out the years of being an MK. Actually, I guess I try to block out all the years until I was an adult on my own when I no longer had to be someone else's victim.
Right now, life is hard. The memories bring confusion and shame. I'm getting counseling, but so many things seem impossible to talk about. How does one explain to a regular American counselor how things work on the mission field? How do you explain how we were manipulated to believe that any disruption would cause the local people to go to hell? Why were we so unprotected? The memories are humiliating and shameful. I keep wondering if I will ever be free from them.

It's a strange world we live in, isn't it. We're not exactly at home anywhere anymore, for many of us.

I've never tried to find a councilor (they haven't really invented them down here), but I can understand that it would be hard finding someone who has a real good insight into the psycological trauma specific to the life of an MK. As you say, growing up thinking that the totally wrong and abnormal was normal.
I'm almost 50 and it wasn't till I was 48ish that the reoccuring nightmare of not being able to escape the boarding school I went to suddenly stopped. I've not had it since and now dreams relating to the past have suddenly changed to a balance of power where I'm in control and it is much nicer. I spent decades post the MK experience in virtual isolation, saw very few other MKs and knew that what I'd seen and heard was very wrong, yet the elephant in my room was constantly whispering in my head that it never happened, I was ungrateful, had a bitter spirit. He told all his associates the same thing (and he still does), but when I found out, courtesy of this excellent site that many others had similar experiences and that NTM was a nightmare for others, a great weight was lifted. Then I wrote and wrote, my way through the questions in my brain and although I still don't have all the answers, I've got enough confirmation to firmly believe that I was right all those decades and NTM was not the happy wonderful experience that I was being constantly told that I had, but just didn't believe I had. It also gave me the confidence to, in one big fiery conversation, confront my elephant, find that he was a complete fraund and walk away from him. Oh the relief on that one. Yes it has made me an orphan, but this is so much better than unwillingly participating in a big family lie!
For me, I've gone on a journey that has culminated in becoming a "Sympathetic Agnostic". It's not a destination I would recommend to anyone, but I have no guilt about it, it is just where I am comfortable being at, given my strange past. Feel no guilt at questioning the very core of what you believe, for it is much better to question than to blindly follow just because of where you find yourself.

Share whatever you feel comfortable on here of your own journey. Many of us have found it theraputic. Just do whatever is comfortable. Some of us will reply with words of comfort, some will put smilies, you might even get a message or two in your inbox and if I'm around you'll probably be bored silly with my verbal diahorrea

So good luck with the Elephant taming, think there is a poem about it around here somewhere, I'll go find it for you.

Ta, da. Found it . Hope this helps (sometimes rabbiting on about strange animals does, we have a whole Noahs ark full of animals on this site).

I used to have an elephant
In my room it stomped about
It whispered in my little ear
Messages of hate and doubt

It told me I saw nothing
That I was an ungrateful child
And I had a wicked immagination
Which ran so very wild

Then I found other elephants
Were in rooms of many more
Each one magically disappearing
Behind some magic door

Then they'd reappear again
In dreams of nights of terror
But corner them at your peril
For they trumpeted Heresy and Error

So what became of my elephant?
I gave it an almighty whack
And it wandered off into the sunset
Muttering it was an unfair attack

Something strange then happened
The room felt whole again
And I gave thanks for my whacking tool
The mighty little pen

Did you say POISON Raz????


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qq4j1LtCdww

This could be 'good poison' a day like today!

Rockin' out right now ...

Turn up the volume!

We are thrilled to be your cheering section ... IWILLfly again!! We know you will!!!