MK forum

Hells bells, I'm a missionary now? And here was me thinking I'm just a lone voice in the wilderness (oops not a good analagy), ummm a Kiwi with a sticky beak, tapping at his old computer.

Each person told of this awful scandal, who then looks at fanda eagles, has a reasonable chance of passing on the credible evidence they have seen to others, who then have a look in turn. It then becomes a self fulfilling prophecy and the viewing meter ticks over at an increasing rate.

Googling NTM, does put Fanda Eagles on the front page, that is good for us. Imagine sitting in comfortable suburbia and one day thinking "I'll look up and see what NTM are up to" and there is the headline "NTM abuse scandal", that is going to make most comfortable suburbanites curious enough to go "hello, hello, hello, what is this, click".

Of course none of this would have been remotely neccessary if good men had done what they should have decades ago. But they didn't, so ironically here you are and here I am (the Sympathetic Agnostic from Downunder) spreading the word.

And where is the "good" man who shares my genetic soup, who should be crying from the roof tops "Child abuse is wrong, wrong, wrong!!!!", well it's almost time for church down here, so he'll be praying this all goes away, hmmmmmmm that's probably one prayer that won't get Divine Intevention, wonder why .

Two years ago I was googling Chame Panama in search of a view of THE Mango tree and to show my boyfriend the "compound". Being a pretty good googler (had a few tips from Google staff themselves from a Marketing thesis paper for that part of my degree) and had such a hard time finding much. So I went backwards so to speak and looked up NTM to see if they carried photos of Panama on their site. BOOM I found a few items on NTM and child sex abuse and MKs speaking up and more to come......... my heart pounding and my palms sweating I hurridly bookmarked a few pages for later reading and research and slammed my laptop lid down and spent the following week in nightmares, panic attacks, fear of things I couldn't understand and so very many questions. The sadness I started feeling from that day on kept haunting me. I couldn't tell anyone what I had found from fear my parents wouldn't believe me, doubted even myself for the google results. I must have mispelled or maybe there were two NTMs and this one I found wasn't the one I was in.
Being that I was currently in a very intense sexual assault therapy and trauma program from an adult incident and dealing with extreme life stress during Mortgage crash and invetigtion I just burried it all by forcing it (hmmmmm more blocking from trauma for survival!)
The sadness and nagging didn't go away...it stayed behind the scenes and little by little more crept through. So when I got that email from PII I KNEW it was time and I wasn't crazy it DID happen. The rest you all know because that's how I found you
Total recall during my interview. So intense and as if I was 10 all over again. I guess having a team of people that took our story serious and wanted to hear so they could help made me feel safe enough to share.
I just realized how much more that what he did to me in Panama was even more damaging then I thought when I. Connect the dots of the past two years and why I started cutting again, the nigtmares were back, my reactions to my parents and the rage that would pour out of my mouth at 39 that of a child who couldn't express their pain but through rage. WOW...WOW. Another breakthrough but so very sad sad sad sad and my heart literally hurts from pain as I write this.
For those of you that don't know: my events of the past two years from extreme triggers, breakdowns, nightmares and unexplained rage.
Jailed 2 times (over defending my self)
Cutting so extreme I have two arms with deep scars never to go away
Homeless for a brief time as my parents threw me out because I was so out of control and raged at my father begging him to hit me as I screamed in his face my hate. Begging him to hit me so I could finally see if he had it in him to fight or stand up for someone (we all can guess why I did that!)
Over 20 suicide attempts
Extreme extreme self isolation hiding in the dark in bed for as much as 6 days at a time.

To even write and share what I just did sickens me from the deepest of sadnesses.

If someone googling and finding our story doesn't immediately want to find something, anything they can do to help, to stop and to call out NTM to seek redemption and help us have our justice for healing then that person has no conscious just as our offenders don't. Allowing more abuses to continue!!!

Yeah the Missionary comparision was for you Bemused!!! I knew you would catch that

Thanks for sharing, mk chame.

So much pain. My heart aches just reading about it.

Also so interesting, hearing how you found Fanda Eagles. I would love to hear more stories about how people found us, and how learning they weren't alone affected them.

I have been involved here long enough to be thinking of many who found us, posted (sometimes many posts), then faded away, never to post again.

I think of those people often, wonder how they are doing, and hope they are okay.

You are a brave, brave woman MK Chame. I hope you can see that.

That was hysterical Bemused!!

EVERYONE.....I have found another completely different angle for us to push help for MK victims!!! I just need to see something. The mission, of the mission if you will. PLEASE pm me and I will explain. I am sure Raz, Mosquito bite, dbarneyand Gene Long will have this info. What do they all have in common???? And you should know what I may need.

I am going to use my degree in Finance, years of Tax preparer exp. And recent career scandal! Hint hint hint.

Ready go......its like a riddle. Who will be first to email me with the answer. I need the answer asap so I can confirm my angle and then proof to back it up before Wednesday phone appointment with someone dbarney works with!!!

This one is cut and dry...no emotions, umbrella, abiltiy to promise publicaly but privately say no. One of the guarantees of life.

I know nothing of this. I know I lost my toys and suffered a lifetime of trauma because without that toy(s) I was vulnerable and chosen easily as his victim. I know my parents had to give NTM two homes and a car and when we came home we had NO money. Zero! No home or car. And us children NO coats, boots or mittens and we moved to Houlton Maine 1 mile from Canada and very very cold. I only owned shorts and t shirts. My grandparents paid for plane tickets, clothing, school supplies, books, TOYS and a car for the family. We had to live with them and they had to add an entire apartment onto their home at their cost for us to have a place to live. My grandmother died a year and half after I came home. She had breast cancer and the stress of all of the above and a grandaughter she didn't recognize when I came home as to when I went into NTM emotionally! She worried so much about me and if not for her love and care and hugs I would be worse off than I am now. My mom hid and couldn't even parent she was so traumatized over her own abuse inflicted on her by NTM and she had lost everything...a home, car, husbands City career wtih St Pete Florida, her Christmas family heirlooms and her husband as he didn't know how to feel being that he was the one brainwashed and we all just followed. And then he lost his mother, a year later his father and he was an only child. A wife that blamed him and a husband that blamed all of us. It just doesn't add up to me.........it just doesn't make sense. HOW did this happen to a family and HOW would my father believe in a system like this if he knew the structure was this. I GUARANTEE no church of any denomination or kindness would EVER give a dime to missionaries if they new this was the way their money would be spent??? Someone help me PLEASE

I know nothing of this. I know I lost my toys and suffered a lifetime of trauma because without that toy(s) I was vulnerable and chosen easily as his victim. I know my parents had to give NTM two homes and a car and when we came home we had NO money. Zero! No home or car. And us children NO coats, boots or mittens and we moved to Houlton Maine 1 mile from Canada and very very cold. I only owned shorts and t shirts. My grandparents paid for plane tickets, clothing, school supplies, books, TOYS and a car for the family. We had to live with them and they had to add an entire apartment onto their home at their cost for us to have a place to live. My grandmother died a year and half after I came home. She had breast cancer and the stress of all of the above and a grandaughter she didn't recognize when I came home as to when I went into NTM emotionally! She worried so much about me and if not for her love and care and hugs I would be worse off than I am now. My mom hid and couldn't even parent she was so traumatized over her own abuse inflicted on her by NTM and she had lost everything...a home, car, husbands City career wtih St Pete Florida, her Christmas family heirlooms and her husband as he didn't know how to feel being that he was the one brainwashed and we all just followed. And then he lost his mother, a year later his father and he was an only child. A wife that blamed him and a husband that blamed all of us. It just doesn't add up to me.........it just doesn't make sense. HOW did this happen to a family and HOW would my father believe in a system like this if he knew the structure was this. I GUARANTEE no church of any denomination or kindness would EVER give a dime to missionaries if they new this was the way their money would be spent??? Someone help me PLEASE