MK forum

Wondering if those with emotional hurdles to overcome in dealing with abuse, have resources in dealing with it . . .just pausing to think, no big agenda here . . .I have not been able to climb out of my ditches alone . . .

The most well resourced person to help one out of an emotional ditch is the person who looks back in the mirror. Involving others and relying on them means depending on others and that is not something those who have been let down are good at and for good reason.

Climbing out of a ditch takes faith in one's own ability and some determination. It takes acceptance that somedays will be more sliding backwards than climbing. The journey is made considerably easier by having a group of like minded "friends" to share the experience with, such as can be found here. But ultimately the journey starts with one step at a time.

Sometimes ties have to be broken, lines drawn in the sand, because past relationships impede one's climb out of the ditch. There is no shame in this, after all friendships wax and wane all the time. Sometimes it is best to move on from past allegiances and make a fresh start, without the baggage.

Anyway, I'm just rambling my way through a few thoughts on an early Sunday morn.

Raz, two quick comments.

I remember my mom saying that one should live their life with the love of Christ and the hide of a rhinoceros. I'd like to think that you CAN'T alienate me here. But if my presence and comments / phrasing is doing damage to those who are seeking healing, then I need to hear that. And if for some reason I can't change that, then I need to evaluate the value of my being here. However I won't leave because of someone doesn't agree with me. I know that I don't have all the answers (and maybe even none of them!), even though I may at imply that I do.

And I think you are right, "Many New Tribers probably still feel that any resources they need can be found right in their own group." I have no desire to bash NTM, but neither am I one to hide what I believe to be true. In my opinion, that is one belief that is and has been detrimental to NTM. We have historically chosen our leaders from those trained by our own because, in my opinion, we mistrust the ability of others to fully know what we know. I have asked the EC in the past about the value of keeping our Bible Schools open when there are others of like values and possibly better trained faculty. And the answer was, "I hear what you are asking, but the other schools really don't understand" this or that doctrine. It also used to be much cheaper to attend NTBI, but currently my daughter is at Taylor University, and our out-of-pocket expenses for her to attend that $39,000 a year school is cheaper than for her to attend NTBI.

But I want to also add, I've seen some things in the past couple years that gives me hope that some change might be coming. Most likely not quickly -- it rarely does. But just maybe I may be overly-optimistic, but I'm hopeful even with (i.e. "no rose colored glasses).

Why haven't any ntm-ers posted the info from the member site?
Did they have to sign a pact with the lawyer?
How can so many people be so completely controlled?
This must be looked on as a bigger sin than the abuse.
Can that be possible?
The world should know the abusers' names.

And why haven't we heard from any Via survivors?
Were they satisfied with the outcome of the investigation?
Did they receive a complete report of what all went on during the years of their abuse?
Do they know for sure now that they aren't the only ones?
Do they feel validated?
Because they are essentially one big extended family in E. Brazil---are they afraid of hurting others?

Thanks, Bemused. I know I make boxes and compartments around my friends and acquaintances. The trouble is, that when I don't keep up with them, then they stay in that same little box. We often fail to allow for the effect that growth, aging, normal human development, illnesses, crisis, careers, children . . .have had on each other's lives. We may remember them as emotionally fragile, because we were with them during an adolescent break-up . . .or as black and white thinkers, when in effect we all were . . .or maybe we think they are still Baptists . . .

Ok, so I'm thinking that we tend to treat each other with kid gloves, and are afraid to hurt each other.

But we are survivors. We interact in a very grown-up world now. We may have been naive then, but we sure as hell aren't now.

Can you handle the truth? Probably. And if you can't, you'll still likely be ok, albeit in a "she's my hoarder aunt, kind of way . . ."

And they probably can too. Isn't fear mostly of things unknown? What might come?

We could build up a little mental diagram, using grown-up boundaries . . .
Like: 1). If she calls up crying, I will say this . . .i can do this . . .
2). If he/she is angry I can use Paul as a resource
3). I will surround myself with a pack of like minded people on the same mission, so that the criticisms wont devestate me as they once would have . . .
4). I can go into my workshop for solace.
5). I can discuss this first with learned and wise people like Bemused

Just thoughts . . .