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PostPosted: Tue Oct 05, 2010 9:50 pm 
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A quote from another post:

"Some of these people (abusers) have children who are my friends..that makes me want to keep the "secrets" so that I don't hurt my friends."

That thought has cross my mind too. Is anyone else feeling this way? :?:


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PostPosted: Tue Oct 05, 2010 10:38 pm 
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Yes I do too. I am a big proponent of truth but what if innocent bystanders(whom I care about) get caught in the crossfire. I don't have the answres.


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PostPosted: Tue Oct 05, 2010 11:08 pm 
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I struggled with this question as well and came to the conclusion that people are going to get hurt/be hurt no matter what. If we're silent, people get hurt. If we're not, people get hurt.

"You shall know the truth, and the truth shall set you free" is what has set my mind on whatever needs done. People need to know the truth in these matters. Some would say it is not 'loving' to speak truth about such things that will hurt people. I say that it is in love that we do this.

The Truth will set people free, even if it hurts. Something I think about as I realize how these things will hurt the families of the abusers- good families perhaps, friends, children- is that, by our telling the truth, it will free those associated to face the truth themselves. Some of these children and innocent bystanders probably have much to deal with as well. Hearing truth and being supported and knowing others had similar experiences can only be beneficial to them as well.


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PostPosted: Tue Oct 05, 2010 11:16 pm 
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What if we don't report abuse and someone else is abused?


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PostPosted: Wed Oct 06, 2010 1:17 am 
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Gene..I agree with you. However, in my case since it happened in the 70's and 80's the abusers are all old...and harmless? Hmmm..good question!


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PostPosted: Wed Oct 06, 2010 6:48 am 
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Another thing is this--what if we are concerned for that person's mental health--and they are 5 states away? I have no more vacation time this year left . . .they've been suicidal in the past --- to get the ball rolling, but then to only provide a forum as support seems scary.


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PostPosted: Wed Oct 06, 2010 9:16 am 
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Broken wrote:
Gene..I agree with you. However, in my case since it happened in the 70's and 80's the abusers are all old...and harmless? Hmmm..good question!

I keep coming back to this, and I know you probably don't really believe they are harmless in old age, but...

I felt I should share that I learned after the fact the my best friend in high school had been molested repeatedly by her then 80+ year old grandfather who could barely move. He could, however, apparently make it to her bedroom. :(


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PostPosted: Wed Oct 06, 2010 9:25 am 
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i think secrets hurt. they fester and are dangerous. they have power. and i think we all have the right to tell our own stories, and sometimes those stories have to do with other people. we need to be gentle and forthright and responsible about it, of course, but i don't think it's healthy to stifle yourself in order to not hurt someone else. we are ultimately responsible to god for our own actions and choices, and i think it's often arrogant to think that we know best what will ultimately end up being hurtful for someone else. tell your own story, use pseudonyms for other people if you need to, but don't add to the environment of shame and secrecy that only extends the abusers' power in a lot of cases.


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PostPosted: Wed Oct 06, 2010 10:41 am 
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Point well taken verify. Amazing how an abuser can damage the psyche for an indeterminate period of time!


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PostPosted: Wed Oct 06, 2010 10:43 am 
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MrsM wrote:
Broken wrote:
Gene..I agree with you. However, in my case since it happened in the 70's and 80's the abusers are all old...and harmless? Hmmm..good question!

I keep coming back to this, and I know you probably don't really believe they are harmless in old age, but...

I felt I should share that I learned after the fact the my best friend in high school had been molested repeatedly by her then 80+ year old grandfather who could barely move. He could, however, apparently make it to her bedroom. :(



Mrs B..My point exactly!!


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