MK forum

Better than a Hallelujah by Amy Grant
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lD_pCr_Xrnc
"We pour out our miseries
God just hears a melody
Beautiful the Mess we are
The honest cries of Breaking Hearts
Are Better than a Hallelujah"

I do not think that anyone here blames God for their abuse...but off course each of us NEEDS--ABSOLUTELY NEEDS God's healing power to help us overcome. None of us can do it on his/her own. If you think you can than you are sorely mistaken.

The other point I wanted to make is that NTM is not responsible for men gone bad. Each person chooses his/her road and they ultimately make the decision of whether they will sin or not. Where I hold NTM accountable is in dealing with this serious sin! They MUST take action on behalf of the abused and seek justice. This is their responsibility!!!!!

I am deeply saddened as well by that letter. It is hurtful and causes more pain.

People who have not been through it don't understand- except for a very few who are willing to put themselves in the place of the abused and really feel their pain.

To identify with someone who has been abused is very painful. To walk through it with them is emotionally exhausting. To be willing to be there for the abused and really love them requires effort.

Many people don't want to do that or don't have the resources for that, so it is easier for them to spout off platitudes that don't mean anything. In their minds, they've "helped." They can't make sense of the abuse and its pain and aftermath, so instead they curl up protectively inside their shell and offer meaningless words. Sometimes it is truly all they can give; sometimes it's ignorance; and sometimes it is just plain old uncaring. No matter how it's packaged, though, it hurts the abused again.

So I see why it's easier just to not talk about it. Who wants a wound ripped open again and again and again? For all to see in its awful, oozing mess and soreness?

I care about what all of you here have gone through. And, I find this forum healing for me as well. What my daughter experienced, at the age of barely 12, with her good friend who was being molested by her father. My daughter telling me that and us going to the church and then the authorities. And all that my daughter and I faced in the way of ostracization and blackballing and loss of friends and the "hush-hush" of it all... It wounded her deeply and my heart still aches for her even 4 years later. For my daughter. For what she suffered for doing right. For what she learned that day about the total depravity of man. For how she saw over and over and over again the leaders of her church ignore her and embrace the molester. For the friends she lost because their parents sided with the molester and his family. And for her innocence. It is healing for me to write about it here, where I KNOW you will understand!!

The pain she went through for the following 4 years, into depression and cutting herself, and others said "She should be over this by now" or "She should forgive." Heartbreaking. I am so, so, so glad that I am allowed to be her mother. That I was allowed an understanding of this issue and walked it before she had to. That the Lord gave me wisdom and grace and love and understanding (because it is all from Him) to truly support her in this. And even now, we still deal with the aftermath in regards to being able to trust people.

And if she was so affected just by knowing her friend was going through this, how much more are you who have experienced it affected. I know how affected you are. And it is astounding to me that you have courage to come here and tell your stories, share with each other and offer hope and comfort to each other. It brings tears to my eyes very often.

All that to say, I love you all even though I don't know all of you. And I continue to pray. And sometimes I feel SO helpless in what I can do, but I do support you and I hope it's an encouragement to at least one.

Love the song by Amy Grant "Better than a Hallelujah".

People who talk like this maybe have not experienced deep hurt or have critical, hard hearts. They come across as being pious and find their worth in putting others down because this seems to make them feel superior. If they are Christians they are immature and weak in their faith. Maybe it is a form of protection because they don't want to face the pain or hurt of their past. They are in denial.

I have little patience with these people unfortunately you can't choose family so it's a challenge to navigate when it's family who have this attitude.

I'm starting to really see that for some people it will take years to get over abuse. David Meece has a powerful testimony. It took him years of choosing to forgive his father even when he never felt the forgiveness it was a choice he made despite the fact that much of the time he still had feelings of hatred, fear, disappointment, abandonment, anger, grief toward his father.

RMullens said, "NTM is not responsible for men gone bad."

Why is it that no one stood up to 'clean house' back then. It is hard to believe that no one was aware of the atrocities. Really. Consider this:

GROUPTHINK
Definitions of groupthink on the Web:

decision making by a group (especially in a manner that discourages creativity or individual responsibility)
wordnetweb.princeton.edu/perl/webwn

Groupthink is a type of thought exhibited by group members who try to minimize conflict and reach consensus without critically testing, analyzing, and evaluating ideas. ...
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Groupthink

a process of reasoning or decision-making by a group, especially one characterized by uncritical acceptance or conformity to a perceived majority view
en.wiktionary.org/wiki/groupthink

is 'a mode of thinking that people engage in when they are deeply involved in a cohesive in-group, when the members' striving for unanimity overrides their motivation to realistically appraise alternative courses of action' (Janis, 1972).

wps.prenhall.com/wps/media/objects/213/218150/glossary.html uncritical acceptance or conformity to a perceived majority view.

Highlander -- great post!!

And I might add...NTM IS responsible for leaders gone bad or leadership not dealing with situations correctly. Look at what the Catholic church has faced because it did not deal with it's priests correctly. Any organization or company is held responsible for how they deal with what happens under their "watch". How much greater should be the liability of a Christian organization!!

NTM did not tell or make those men & women abuse...therfore they are not responsible for the actions that those abusers took. They are however responsible for not taking action when they were told about these abuses. They are responsible for what has happened since these abuses were reported. They are responsible to take action on behalf of the victims.

However I do realize that in some cases the abuse was reported and NTM took no action or in some cases did not believe the abused. In these cases I do hold NTM accountable for any further abuse perpetrated by that person who was reported.

Unfortunately not all abuse at NTM boarding schools was reported until years later. In those cases I do not hold NTM accountable for the actual abuse. I do though hold them accountable for their actions once the abuse came to light.

I understand what you are saying, R. But, from what I have heard from the EB and NTM leadership in the USA, NTM does take responsibility for all the abuse that happened, no matter when it happened and when it was reported. It is of course way worse if they knew about it and still did nothing. But ... As the Grace Report points out, because of NTMs autocratic leadership style and legalistic and performance based teachings (not grace based), NTM helped to create a perfect environment for abuse to occur, to not be questioned, to be hidden, to not be dealt with. NTM may have had nothing to do with an individual's decision to abuse children, but they had a lot to do with helping that person succeed at that goal, even though it may have been unintentional, simply by the environment and fear that NTM created (I have heard this from the EB).