MK forum

It seems hard to believe anyone made it out of (*) untouched by some form of emotional and/or spiritual abuse – and many also suffered physical abuse at the painful end of a paddle or a belt. The majority of kids were in dorms, under the authority of dorm parents, teachers and staff – i.e. people not related to us.

What if someone suffered abuse at a boarding school, but in the “safety” of their own homes – at the hands of their own parents? How does that fit in anywhere? How can one possibly bring that to this forum? It doesn’t seem to belong here – yes they were under NTM leadership, but these were their own parents - parents who to this day blame NTM for teaching & pressuring them to make the mistakes they did.

These children had no one to run home to and be hugged for mistreatment. They never had a vacation from the enormous stress of constantly being a perfect reflection of their father and mother. Other children were frightened and intimidated by these individuals? Imagine living with them. Imagine feeling constant dread & shame, inadequacy & worthlessness in their presence, rather than a safe & soft place to fall.

Yes, the physical bruises happened. But the emotional bruises are lifelong & can wrap the mind in a state of constant turmoil, anger, bitterness and hopelessness.

Where do those kids fit in?

Thank you for opening this subject up. Those kids belong here too, and because of you they now have a place to speak. Again I say thank you. These kids really are the silent victims because they really had nowhere to turn, no one to talk to, and no safe haven to escape to. "Spare the rod spoil the child" was preached heavely and some parents really took it to heart!

I just wanted to say I'm here listening. I can only assume you are this child, and you lived this life. Abuse is horrible no matter who it comes from, but I know that being abused by a family member results in some very deep wounds. I'm really new to this forum, so I can't say how you fit in here, but I'm willing to bet that you will find that the emotional and psychological results of abuse are familiar across the board, so in that way I am sure that telling your story would help you see you are not alone and maybe help you reconcile what happened with you under the umbrella of NTM.

However, if I might be a bit forward, an adult who hurts a child is solely responsible for their actions. There is a certain amount of understanding accepted in a circumstance like NTM maybe, but in my opinion this in no way excuses an adult who chooses to hurt a child. How this fits in here, I think, is maybe because the environment created by the mission allowed and maybe even enabled this abuse to happen? It is difficult to heal from abuse out in society, but when it happens in a setting where the expectation to portray Christian values is so strongly "encouraged" it feels like betrayal on a whole nother level.

Listening....

More MKs than you could imagine on this forum can relate to this topic. I'm listening too, and I hope you find here a place to speak.

I took the liberty of changing the topic name as I think many will be interested in following this.

The National Center on Child Abuse and Neglect defines child sexual assault as: "Contacts or interactions between a child and an adult when the child is being used for sexual stimulation of the perpetrator or another person when the perpetrator or another person is in a position of power or control over the victim." Sexual abuse has been defined to include inappropriate physical contact, making a child view sexual acts or pornography, using a child in making pornography, or exposing an adult's genitals to a child.

I'm still trying to process all that happened & the environment I was raised in. By the above definition, I really haven't any excuse to continue rationalizing or doubting how to term what was done to me. But it just doesn't seem to be possible. Now that I'm a parent, I cannot fathom how a parent could ever force a child to allow them to touch them inappropriately. Yet here I am, remembering and hating.

I guess you could say my father liked to discipline "old school." To this day, we do not use belts even as clothing in my home. Even decades later, the sound of a clanking belt buckle leaves an ice cold sense of dread in me. The smallest infarction brought on severe beating. The slightest foolish behavior (that all children are prone to commit) brought about painful consequences, both emotional and physical.

I can't write to GRACE and report some random missionary. It was my father.

I hear so much pain in your words, XYZ. Is your father still in your life? Have you been able to share this with anyone? It has been my experience that just breaking the silence is a powerful tool in healing. I haven't contacted GRACE at all myself.... but I imagine from the things I've read/heard that they may at least be able to give you an idea of what your options are? Sometimes just knowing that you have a choice can be helpful.

XYZ, my heart breaks for you. I know that you are not alone. I believe many NTM MKs were abused and molested by their own parents. I grew up as an MK on an NTM field that did not even have a school. And yet some of my childhood MK friends were molested there, some by a father, others by another missionary. Both of these men got away with these crimes, and no one knew, till I was an adult, what had gone on there, right under our noses.
It's terrible, terrible, terrible. And I am so sad for you.
Raz

XYZ
I am so sorry for your pain. It seems as if you are just now realizing that you were abused as a child. I cannot imagine the pain you are in...especially when you look at your own children. When my oldest child turned the age I was when I went to boarding school, I cried everytime I looked at her. She was so young, so naive, and she needed me to help her change her sheets on the bed. For some reason I could see myself as a little girl again when I looked at my own flesh and blood...and the hurt was fresh and raw.
I wish I could take your pain away...I'll pray that you find some way to look at your own children without falling apart.

XYZ: I have no idea who you are but tears fill my eyes as I read your post and as I write this. I am so sorry for what you went through. One thing I learned while in counseling is that the closer the abuser was to you, the longer period of time the abuse happened, and the extent of the abuse determines how badly it will effect you. The fact that your abuse happened in your home, by your own dad, involved sexual, physical, emotional and spiritual abuse, and I'm assuming happened over the course of your childhood proves that this is hugely significant and that the damage done to you was tremendous. Even just one of those things happening is significant enough but combining all those things together is hardly a pain I can imagine. I'm so sorry. Please understand that you have every right to distance yourself from your parents and even your siblings if they don't agree with you. In fact, in order to go through the steps of healing, there will need to be a time when you don't have any contact with them. They may act like their world is falling apart and that you are hurting them, but you need healing for you. That is the priority right now. Please know that I am here if I can help in any way. My heart breaks for your suffering.

A NTM missionary wife once confided to me that one of her children was a twin. Sadly, she blamed herself that the other did not survive. She was having complications during her pregnancy, her husband was working hard making contacts with a tribe & NTM did not let her go back to the States for proper prenatal care. They let NTM dictate & consequently, lost a child.

And yes, D&O, this is a very lonely thread.