MK forum

I just watched an amazing short (20 min) movie that speaks about shame beautifully. I hope you can watch it too!

www.thebutterflycircus.com

Remember, "You are marvelous!"

This is a great thread, what a good idea to start it.

These are some thoughts about grace and the law that came to me a few months ago and it made me cry - maybe it's not specific enough, maybe it's a bit nebulous, but on the off chance that God can use it to speak to someone else like he used it to speak to me...

I was thinking that Esther had to understand grace, somehow, because she was going against the law in being part of the harem of a foreign king and yet I think she considered herself to be a follower of God. And then not only did she accept going into the harem, but did her best to become the best concubine. And yet from the trust she showed in putting her life in God´s hands later, she seemed to feel that God wouldn´t "punish" her for breaking the law. And this lead me to think about the law again.

The law truly is ONLY to show how far from God´s perfection we fall. Obedience to God cannot be regulated by mere rules. Esther´s conduct went outside of these. The law is too small, too limited to mirror God. It´s a ray reflected from the sun. It´s a glimpse through a meshed peephole of a corner of a Monet mural on the Great Wall of China. And we still fall short of that. But the peephole serves only to show how short we fall, we´re not supposed to enter the appreciation of God through that peephole. God says, "Take a peek." Our heart sinks. Then Christ beckons. "Come, enjoy the whole thing through me. I am the way, the truth and the life." This isn´t easy grace, how can we believe that lie! This is much harder...it requires headaches from trying to fit the infinite into a human head, making the hard, right decision over and over and over again, when the requirement long ago has already been met, putting your life into the hands of a lover who is not tame nor predictable - so much harder. Come, with fear and trembling, gather up the pieces of your courage, follow your hunger and thirst and enter into God´s presence through the only way.

That's beautiful, Sunshine!

Thank you, sunshine, for sharing those thought-provoking insights.
You have a way with words.
I have never heard it said that way.
That's why we are ALL needed.

Oh, NTM is all for living "under grace", and not under the old dispensation of the law.

NTM would say: "Okay, we're all under grace. Here is how you live under grace. Rule #1:..."

Hey, you're back! That comment really made me laugh - that's a good one to remember whenever you feel like giving other people rules - that's going to have me snickering the rest of the day, "oh, YES, we live under grace...and this is how you do it - #1..." hehehe

In the last year or so, I´d say, I´ve finally been able to touch on this whole topic a bit more honestly with my parents and the rest of my family (and the forum´s to thank at least in part for that), and just this morning (I´ve been visiting with my parents for a couple of weeks), we were talking a bit more about things - I was telling them a few more things that apparently they never knew happened at Via - I guess it´s been so long ago and I certainly didn´t talk to them much about anything after graduation from there, experiences a little too fresh at the time. My mom continues to go through all the ups and downs and struggling with all that NTM and mission organizations in general DO and what they´re SUPPOSED to do and what they DON´T do and what they do that they SHOULDN´T do and then the whole perspective of the invidivuals, people, children, victims, perpetrators and dear friends, NTM missionaries, whom I remember as sticking up for me, and battling against the status quo of Via back then, and how they will inevitably feel responsible and guilty and how I wish (I guess this has come around to what I´m feeling again - not just my mom) I could sit down beside them and listen to what they say and be able to convey, as black and white words on a screen do not, that I´m grateful to them and that "ao pé da cruz o chão é nivel" - at the foot of the cross the ground is level -

and because we all needed a little space, we went off to our different corners for a sec - mom sat down at the piano bc that´s the way she gets things out sometimes and she played this melody and later sang this verse, which was the exact same verse that came into my head as she was playing it:

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

That verse somehow has brought me comfort this morning - I know who the enemy is - he will not win, and Christ individually has cared for me, ME, guilt ridden, mixed up, lashing out, faulty, victimized, bruised, hurting and hurtful me...and every single other soul on this sorry old world.

Sunshine, that made me cry. I can picture it all so vividly. And I relate so much to all of it. And to your Mom. Bless her heart. because I'm a Mom too. I'm an MK, a Mom of MKs, a person with deep connections to NTM that can never be totally severed ... a mixed up mess with so many emotions in my own mind and heart.

And today I called and told my precious parents about the lawsuit against. NTM. NTM ... the mission they joined back in Fouts Springs days when I was a baby. My Dad almost lost his life in the forest fire, then they gave over 50 years on the foreign field. They are so enmeshed with NTM, and now in their old age I had to be the one to tell them their mission is being sued for 5 million dollars. By an MK who was brutally abused in their mission.

And so I am crying. For them, for you, for your Mom, for me, for all of us ...

Let this blest assurance control ...

It is well, it is well with my soul.

Sunshine, your name well explains what you have done for me by your posts - shining God's love and healing. I wonder how many of us have been able to finally talk with our parents about our experiences as MKs since the GRACE Report and following events, including this website? I have been able to discuss it with my Mom over the last few months and she has begun to understand. I can't begin to say how healing that has been for me.
Raz, what a sad day, for you to be the one to tell your parents. Love you!