In the last year or so, I´d say, I´ve finally been able to touch on this whole topic a bit more honestly with my parents and the rest of my family (and the forum´s to thank at least in part for that), and just this morning (I´ve been visiting with my parents for a couple of weeks), we were talking a bit more about things - I was telling them a few more things that apparently they never knew happened at Via - I guess it´s been so long ago and I certainly didn´t talk to them much about anything after graduation from there, experiences a little too fresh at the time. My mom continues to go through all the ups and downs and struggling with all that NTM and mission organizations in general DO and what they´re SUPPOSED to do and what they DON´T do and what they do that they SHOULDN´T do and then the whole perspective of the invidivuals, people, children, victims, perpetrators and dear friends, NTM missionaries, whom I remember as sticking up for me, and battling against the status quo of Via back then, and how they will inevitably feel responsible and guilty and how I wish (I guess this has come around to what I´m feeling again - not just my mom) I could sit down beside them and listen to what they say and be able to convey, as black and white words on a screen do not, that I´m grateful to them and that "ao pé da cruz o chão é nivel" - at the foot of the cross the ground is level -
and because we all needed a little space, we went off to our different corners for a sec - mom sat down at the piano bc that´s the way she gets things out sometimes and she played this melody and later sang this verse, which was the exact same verse that came into my head as she was playing it:
Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come, Let this blest assurance control, That Christ has regarded my helpless estate, And hath shed His own blood for my soul.
That verse somehow has brought me comfort this morning - I know who the enemy is - he will not win, and Christ individually has cared for me, ME, guilt ridden, mixed up, lashing out, faulty, victimized, bruised, hurting and hurtful me...and every single other soul on this sorry old world.
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