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Kids grow up -- will NTM?
(with apologies to Gerald M Weinberg, and Virginia Satir)
Each time I interact
(with someone on this Fanda Eagles site or anywhere else),
there are four major internal parts
(each of which I control) (“for the purposes of this explanation, I act as the observer”)
( Part 1 )
Intake
I see or hear something
(another long post from OT, didn’t Larry write a long letter too? an abused MK,’s first attempt to find his or her voice)
I can believe my intake is passive but I am actually exercising a great many choices
(blush and stop reading about another NTM abuse case, minimize and skip over this post, wish I could understand, give up?)
( Part 2 )
Meaning
“Next, I consider the sensory intake and give it meaning. The meaning doesn’t lie in the data; data have no meaning until I provide meaning”
(the abuse facts are: “he did [ something ]… and the MK felt…”)
( Part 3 )
Significance
“Data may suggest certain meanings, but never significance. Without this step, the world I perceive would be an overwhelming flood of data patterns. With it, I can give priority to a few patterns and largely ignore the rest”
(what’s up with that? That’s wrong! Hope somebody takes care of that! Hope that never happened to anyone I know! That would never happen again!)
( Part 4 )
Response
“Observation is rarely passive, but elicits response. I may not, and should not, respond to every observation immediately. I am always sifting observations according to their assigned importance and storing them away to guide future actions”
(you say it could happen again? then I’m mad and embarrassed too!)
Before I respond, I should spend some time in each of the three observer positions: self, other, and context
Self
(insider position)
“Inside yourself, looking outward or inward. This position gives you the ability to realize what your own interests are, why you are behaving the way you are, and what you may be contributing to the situation. An inability to observe from this position often results in placating or super-reasonable behavior. Many burnouts result from forgetting to spend time in the self position.”
Other
(emphatic position)
“As if you were inside another person, observing from his or her point of view. This position gives you the ability to understand why people react the way they do. An ability to observe from this position often results in blaming or super-reasonable behavior.”
Context
(outsider position)
“Outside, looking at yourself and at other people. This position gives you the ability to understand and place things in context. An inability to observe from this position often results in irrelevant behavior.”
“Nothing says you have to take any particular observer position, or any position at all. Sometimes, you become so panicked in a crisis that you are unable to take any observer position. You ignore your own feelings, don’t notice what’s happening to others, and have no connection with the overall situation.”
“If you cannot reach one or more of these observer positions, you may be stuck and behave incongruently (either blaming, placating, or acting super-reasonable or irrelevant). In this way, you have given away some of your observational power, just when you need it most.”
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