MK forum

How would you answer someone you know- a current NTMer- not involved on the forums or on FB or with the petitions, who thinks that NTM is giving clear, timely information to you all (the MKs and their families) about how they are proceeding and who believes that we here (and elsewhere on the web) just are disgruntled with NTM and have an ax to grind and are using this issue for that purpose?

Two things I am wondering: Is it worth it to dialogue with NTMers who really believe this? If so, how would you dialogue in a way that is polite and factual, not emotional. Because obviously, both sides are VERY emotional. By "worth it" I mean, do you think it would just muddy the waters even further and cause you (or me) additional stress without really getting anywhere.

How would you specifically answer the claim that NTM is being very forthright in their communications with the abused MKs and their families, being clear on what is and is not happening, etc? Without spending hours doing so.

I would respond to the question regarding receiving communication from the leadership in a timely manner with the following:

Aside from any updates posted on the NTM website, and letters sent to "members only" and passed onto us here, there has been virtually NO communication regarding what the leadership is doing or planning as far as dealing with these issues.

Now, apparently, since Fanda has already been investigated, they seem to be getting more regular updates, but for the rest of us, I would say we are not getting any personal e-mails, letters, or phone calls. I personally wrote to all the MK parents in my contact list (30 or more) and have heard back from two, one of which was a leader's wife. Any information I have heard has been pieced together because my parents are current NTers. If that were not the case, I would expect the communication to be even less.

One question worth considering: Does NTM have current addresses and other contact info for the hundreds of MKs out there?

I am under the impression that NTM USA is working on setting up some kind of liason group, made up of MKs to represent each school to the leadership, and communicate through them to the rest of us. Still waiting to hear final news on that subject.

Meanwhile, I suggest one volunteer from each school to start compiling contact information for this purpose.

I volunteer to do this for Vianopolis.

Send me a PM and I will give you my personal email for this purpose. Or, if you prefer to keep your annonymity, send me a msg on facebook.

For me, the mother of children molested in Aritao, it's not been "virtually" no communication.

There has literally and completely been NO communication from Sanford.

And since I post on here under an alias, there is no proof that "I" know anything about any of this discussion, investigation, GRACE document, any of it.

Since I'm not in touch with all of the other parents and survivors of the Aritao debacle, I have no reason to believe that every single one of them are following this Forum as closely as I do. Some of them may have never heard of the Fanda Eagles. They may not even have a computer!

It's hard for me to believe that Larry Brown cares about my family as deeply as he says he does, when I have never heard that from him directly, in any form of communication whatsoever.

And yes, he does have access to my address. I am on NTM's donor list. And my phone number is in the local phone book. And I'm pretty sure even my e-mail address is on file down there.

So while I WANT to believe that the leadership in NTM is losing sleep worrying over this, the thought niggling in my brain is, "Are they losing sleep because they are devastated over what happened to my children, and would like to know how they can help them heal? Or are they losing sleep because they are worrying about the future of NTM and how their organization is going to be affected in its reputation and finances? And how their own jobs may be affected, and whether they are going to be able to keep a roof over their heads and food on their table?"

It's not that I don't sympathize with THAT fear, because I truly do. But please don't make me feel lied to then by your professed concern for my children and my family.

'Cuz I'm not feelin' it.

Raz, I'm so sorry to hear of what you and your family have suffered, and that you are still waiting to hear from NTM and have these crimes acknowledged.

Thank you!

I say actions speak louder than words. Give them the link to this site where they can see the date at which it was started. Give the NTM.org Fanda update and FAQ page to compare dates. You can also ask they look at the posting dates on the FB NTM group page where times and dates cannot be changed. And, last but certainly not least, ask them to look at the GRACE report uploaded on ScribD (ms?). Sometimes you can talk until you're blue in the face and no one gets it. Give these examples. One, if they aren't concerned enough to look any of them up, it wasn't worth YOUR time to explain it all because they weren't going to give a darn to begin with. Two, if after reading all the hard facts listed with these they will go one of two ways...either still deny it or see if for what it is.

We have all come under much attack and scrutiny for coming forward. What we have learned is not to take everything so seriously and as a personal attack. Those who have been abused tend to feel every shift in tone, every vent session, every down post, negative reaction, is pointed to them. Please do not feel this way. I know it is easier said than done but it can be. Hugs to you all.