MK forum

Alice in Wonderland




Once upon a time

In a land lets call Wonder

A character called Alice

Dropped in with crash and thunder



O.k. if this sounds somewhat familiar


Well, not this version of this tale

So sit back, relax

And have a sip of thy favourite ale



So we start with the White Rabbit

Skipping across the field

The disappearing down a mighty hole

Which Alice should have sealed



But oh no not Alice

Curious kind of girl

She drifted down the rabbit hole

Life flashing before her in a swirl



And as she tired of falling

With mighty thud her trip did end

And she saw before her three doors

But no sign of rabbit friend



And as previously mentioned

Curiosity was her middle name

So she opened up the door

Which unlocked to the key upon her chain



And sauntering in gaily

That means happy in case thee ask

She saw two strange men

A going about strange task



Tweedle Jim and Tweedle Jum

Were debating right from wrong

For they considered themselves experts

In theology, hymns and evensong



And they argued for hours at length

In pious tones and words

So absorbed were they in arguing

They saw not the trees and birds



And when finally they saw young Alice

They spoke to her with piety

For she was but a girl

And as such a non entity



So Alice wandered on

And spied the King of Hearts

With all his loyal subjects

Playing their submissive parts



The King pontificated loudly

That all were equal in the land

Except for those not truly blessed

And were not as he was grand



He said "behold it is written

Or spaken unto me

And ye have not the right to question

For I have dominion over thee"



And the King of Hearts went to conferences

In the land of Diamonds, Clubs and Spades

Dining at taxpayer expense

With fancy suit and lovely shades



Just then Alice saw a feline

It faded in and out of view

The Cheshire Cat of Wonderland

Who did of sin a great review



Oh did I forget to mention

Scandal rocked this strange and foreign land

So twas ordered an investigation

Hailed as very very grand



And the Cheshire Cat smiled strangely

As it came in and out of view

With that strange Mona Lisa smile

That accompanied the sin review



Then just around the corner

A teaparty was in full swing

With a strange looking individual that

"We welcome you" did sing



And the table was all laid out

As the Mad Hatter sat with vacant stare

The Dormouse and you guessed it

A troubled March Hare



The Mad Hatter stammered

"I see no evil here"

And the Dormouse replied

"We do no evil, never fear"



Of course you are assuming

That the March Hare said he heard not a thing

But he said nothing of the sort

For he's deaf and missed the cue type ring



O.k. so this is not how you remembered

This story of long ago

But hey, I'm writing my own version

And I was there, so I really know



Oops, sorry, confidential information

This story is about a girl called Alice

Forget the lines above

Must be interference by heart filled with malice



No I am not admitting I am bitter

This story is not about me

Oh why have we deviated

Lets get back to Alice and the tea party



Right back to the story

Yes a magic mushroom Alice spied

And beneath it four familiar faces

Playing music that could not be denied



"Let It Be" sang the four

As the magical mystery bus pulled into view

"Strawberry Fields Forever"

George, Paul, John and Ringo too



Then came a loud announcement

From the King of Hearts

Such raucous musical celebration

Were not listed as accepted arts



And Tweedle Jim and Tweedle Jum

Delivered personal ministry

To all those who listened to the music

Played under the Magic Mushroom tree



Then Alice spied the White Rabbit

And said "I wish to go home you see"

To which the Rabbit looked most perplexed

As he sipped his herbal tea



"You can check out any time" he said

"But you can never leave

We do not give refunds for this trip

Be joyous and do not grieve"



The Mad Hatter and the Dormouse

Sang the chorus and refrain

"Give generously to the cause

And a tax refund you can claim"



"Didn't anyone tell you"

The March Hare spoke in monotone

"You have to wait till graduation day

And then you're sent home all alone"



And then in monotonous monotone

As he had hundreds of times before

He lectured Alice on being grateful

For all the grass laid at her door



He pointed to a fence in the distance

Stressing that the grass was a green illusion

That if one partook of what lay on other side

One would have a life of lost confusion



As for grass under Alice's tootsies

He assured her all was green

Especially with the rose coloured glasses

With which it really must be seen



And then before Alice knew it

Graduation Day did arrive

And Alice was made to give a speech

Thanking all for helping her survive



So she bid farewell to the Cheshire Cat

The Tweedles and Mad Hatter too

The King of Hearts and his entourage

And Wonderlands who's who



She checked out for the final time

Although a part of her would never leave

And there was no way she was a going back

That lost part to retrieve



So there we have it folks

The strange story of a child called Alice

Who had a life of childhood poverty

Dressed up as royal palace



Of course Alice did survive

Went on to write her memoirs in a book

Of which the above is the edited highlights

At which we got a glimpse and look



And behold I've come to the end

For all stories must come to pass

Thank you for joining me and Alice

On a journey through the Looking Glass

Wow, that was AWESOME!

Thanks for mentioning Tweedle Jim. Yes, we must not forget about him. Maybe someday he'll get his due.

Maybe.

Dear Alice
Welcome back from Wonderland
Go forth and get on with life
Be brave and do not ask for a hand

Yes I know I am your pastor
But look I'm too busy with my flock
And you should contact your mission
It is they who are your millstone rock

What! They don't want to know you
Well, the good folk are probably busy too
Why don't you go on Fanda Eagles
Yes that's what you should do

Yes, yes I hear you aren't coping
But my wife and I are to busy to even care
So let us end this correspondence
Come back when you have cash to spare

For there'll be a warm welcome
As you tithe most generously
For behold it is written
Blessed are they who give to me

Take out the name "Alice", insert "Aussie" and this is my story.
Dumped out of MK land and told to just get on with life. No wonder some of us make a real mess of our lives.
This should be compulsory reading at Numonohi and every other mission boarding school, but that would take a long hard look into the looking glass and it's just smoke and mirrors instead.