MK forum

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Written by Iwillflyagain!

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Written by Iwillflyagain!

[color=#800I Think I see teeth in them there smiles of yours. 0FF][/color]

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Written by Iwillflyagain!

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Written by Iwillflyagain!

Poems in Purple
Poems in Pink
Some make us laugh
Some make us think

Poems in Orange
Poems in Red
Some to sleep on
Some say welcome from bed

Just words strung together
In interesting ways
By people with talent
For poetic displays

Some inspired
By events great and small
Others rambling on
About nothing at all

Some a reply
To message above
Others written
To convey thanks or love

Some so amazing
They belong in a book
And a few just quick scratchings
Worth a quick look

So this is the end
Of this poetic text
Just one more word to be said
And that is "Next"

Okay, this isn't a poem today. What I am sharing right now doesn't feel like it should rhyme. This is just a little bit more about me. I shared it with someone else in a private message and realized that this is also a part of my story I want to share on here.




You know, when I went through my ordeal with NTM, it took me forever to say even to myself that I had not done anything wrong. I was treated like a piece of ______(use your imagination). I was a pee-on. I have been struggling ever since and most of the time before I left NTM... I was so confused, I didn't know which way was up or down. I was lost inside myself and they never helped me once to get my head back on straight. THEN, when I found out about all the child abuse that took place, my blood boiled and it still is. I cannot be around the camp in ROACH. The name of their little address (ROACH) is appropriate....it is so sad that it is such a huge infestation of deceit.



I get so sick feeling in my stomach when I am around anything "NTM". I wish just once in my life I could display my anger for all of them to see. I mean explode in a productive manner. They are evil. I have so many people I know that are still in NTM that I would just like to ask WHY or HOW can you stay with them knowing what you know? Seriously, I just don't get it. There is no excuse. It all just needs to stop and my heart cries for these children who were abused and now are adults and still in their hearts stuck in the pain of the past. I know this feeling. Not all of my struggles have come from NTM, and so, as a result I understand how memories whether remembered or not affect you in such a way as concrete settling around your feet and a lid being put on the pan that you were boiled in. To remove yourself from this picture is soooo hard, and impossible without intervention from true Christ loving believers. Your heart remains emotionally stunted. I still feel many times like I am this pre-teen, and I can't grow up. My head will not take me where my feet want to go. I cannot or have not been able to move on in life. When I try to look forward, anxiety kicks in, fear takes over, and my brain or whatever it is that seems to control my destiny shuts down. I'd give anything to have this be different. I went into NTM thinking they would help me and love me out of what I already had been through, they only used it as a foundation for more ______they piled upon me. And then, they couldn't even use me as compost. Okay, that felt good.

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Written by Iwillflyagain!

Iwillflyagain, I'm glad you spoke out, and I'm glad that felt good!

It is so empowering when we finally find our voice! We will not be silent anymore!!!

I am amazed at your courage. Sending you an on-line hug!!