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| Known and Unknown Soul Wounds http://fandaeagles.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=5&t=510 |
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| Author: | threewillows [ Fri Jun 03, 2011 9:42 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Known and Unknown Soul Wounds |
Shadowspring2, You hit the nail on the head...there was no teaching, only preaching. No matter how good and loving some of the dorm parents were, they were no substitute for your own parents. Your own parents were supposed to have your best interests at heart. Your parents were supposed to teach you in order for you to become the person they thought you should be. One of my mk friends likened it to Lord of the Flies. Children don't learn to do the right thing, they must be taught with love. Otherwise nature takes over. |
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| Author: | shadowspring2 [ Fri Jun 03, 2011 1:51 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Known and Unknown Soul Wounds |
Yes, I think Lord of the Flies is accurate of how little boys sent away from home to boarding school develop socially, though the plane wreck scenario made for an accelerated, extreme version of it. Jerry, it is a valid reason for your behavior; children live what they learn. Everyone of you got negative messages from being sent to boarding school, though most were never said out loud. A few my husband has talked about: God loves the tribe more than He loves you. Your parents love the tribe more than they love you. Your parents love God more than they love you. God demands that your parents love Him more than they love you. God couldn't care less about your heart or your needs, but boy does He care about your sins! Those are just a few of the negative messages a child sent to boarding school internalizes... |
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| Author: | shadowspring2 [ Fri Jun 03, 2011 1:53 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Known and Unknown Soul Wounds |
| Author: | JERRY BARTLETT [ Fri Jun 03, 2011 2:36 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Known and Unknown Soul Wounds |
Never was in the dorm. Lived with Mom and sisters 100 feet from middle and high dorms. |
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| Author: | shadowspring2 [ Sat Jun 04, 2011 10:28 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Known and Unknown Soul Wounds |
Interesting that you think being a child of dorm parents makes that much of a difference, Jerry. Did you not see repeatedly that God loves the tribes more than the children? Did you not get the message that God was in charge of separating all these children from their families, that it was all God's design and God's demand? Cause I am guessing that you heard it as often as any other child. Did you never hear an adult tell a child not to complain or be angry about the abandonment, because the tribe would go to hell if the parents were to leave the work to care for their children? My guess is that you heard and saw it all, and likely perceived it in your child mind as the unconscious threat to your own situation that it was- God could call your parents out to the tribe, too. Then where would you be? Better be a good boy and keep God happy with the current situation or who knows what could happen? Hearing that you were never exiled personally and so should have known better makes me think of my own abusive childhood (wounded people are attracted to one another, so no surprise I married an MK) and my favored sisters. They were never exiled; they received all the love and closeness from my mom that my twin and I were denied. As a result, they are closely bonded with my abuser, and would abuse my twin and I in her absence, and still do emotionally/socially every chance they get. Of course, as grown adults my twin and I have very little to do with them, so their rejection and slander doesn't affect us much anymore. This is no picnic for them. They live and die by our mom's approval. She is just as cruel to them in more subtle ways, plus I know that somewhere deep in their subconscious they have to know that it is only the luck of timing of birth and being born a single that differentiates us from them. Surely part of the reason they have nothing to do with my twin and I is the suvivor's guilt that they can only successfully suppress when they are not around us physically. The fact that you are on this forum speaks volumes to me of your good heart, Jerry Bartlett, and I wish you well on your healing journey. The cruelty or lack of empathy you learned to have toward the dorm kids is not your fault. You were a kid born into that system, and that is the environment that shaped you. While you have a different set of issues to face in your healing journey, there is no way you could have "known better" than what you were being modeled and taught. So don't be harder on yourself that reality warrants. Where reality warrants apologies, may you have the courage and opportunity to make them directly to the people involved. But don't feel generally guilty for not being a child of field missionaries. It's not like you were in charge of who was assigned where in the mission. You were just a kid too. ((JB, son of staffers)) |
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| Author: | JERRY BARTLETT [ Tue Jun 14, 2011 7:32 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Known and Unknown Soul Wounds |
Thank you shadowspring for your encouragement. I think I have appologized to most of them over the years but I`m sure that I have missed some. I was exiled the first time when I was 16 yrs old from high school. Iwas exiled three more times either by my family or ntm by the time I was 25. So I do understand somewhat the stigma of rejection by ntm. God is really helping me to heal from this and you and all the others on this forum have been a great help in this healing journey. Thank you so much. I`m delighted with the progress you are making in your healing journey. |
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