MK forum

This thread has languished on the "inactive" list for a while. Maybe it's time to dust it off. . .

NTM's spokesperson has assured us that, "As board members [NTM's Executive Board] cannot be reckless with NTM Inc, but they have been reckless with their own lives and well being in order to work through the GRACE report recommendations and push ahead on the next investigative process."

Two forces are at work that conspire to deny justice to the abused. On the one hand, as has been pointed out on this thread already, we all want to believe this. We want things to turn out well, we want to see "the next investigative process" begin - or at least be announced. Andy is telling us what we want to hear, what we want to believe and what he undoubtedly believes himself. In the face of this, doubt seems out of place; observations that NTM's spokespersons would be saying the very same things even if they didn't intend to do anything more at all seem uncharitable and churlish. It is very uncomfortable questioning the veracity of our fellow creatures; we feel cynical, and that feels bad.

But, that is not all. There is an even more sinister underside of gullibility, namely a refusal to accept on credible evidence even the possibility of the horrors yet awaiting the light of day. We could almost start another whole thread titled "In Praise of Doubt."

The stories that have been told, most publicly, some privately, on these forums and on the Fanda Eagles web site are too horrible to imagine, much less be true. The Texas Chainsaw Murders seem tame by comparison. We don't want to believe it; we dare not believe it; we grasp at the straws of personal acquaintance and second hand reports of tears and protestations of determination. . . Joe Shmoe would never have stood for this; therefore, it cannot be true.

And we sooth ourselves with the knowledge that NTM's leaders cannot be reckless with the mission, and we suppress the sneaking suspicion that if it ever came to a choice between not being reckless with the mission in the present time and solving things from a decade or more (or even less) ago, the mission is going to win - indeed, has already won.

We are not told in what ways the Executive Board members have been reckless with their own lives and well being, but that is not what we want to hear. It's enough that it was said, for that is what we want to believe and that is what Andy has told us and we believe him because we are hopeful.

Are we gullible?

Closely related to "gullibility" as we are using it on this thread, (it's a short thread so far; you may want to skim it to this point) is the aversion that most people have to confrontation. We don't like to say "no." We don't like to bring up the obvious, the unpleasant, the contradictory. We like to believe the best about people; we even invent excuses why unacceptable behavior is OK. Not that we like it; just that we "understand" and don't think a big deal should be made of it.

Victims often blame themselves for the abuse they suffered. This is as normal and as hard wired into us as is our gullibility. It is not a fault; it is an important part of being able to get on in society. It is also, however, a vulnerability that the unscrupulous have learned to exploit. Abusers also blame the victims. Con men sell the most outlandishly worthless products to people who are simply unable to refuse and say, "You gotta be kidding me!" My spam box is chock full of messages from people who have "seen my profile" and can't wait to entrust millions of dollars to me, provided I write back. I may not write back... but someone is!

It isn't easy to see people's reputations left in tatters, no matter whose fault it is. Con men in the "missions" business will tell victims not to ruin the abuser's ministry. The good-old-boys will circle the wagon and do as little as they can, and pretend it is a concession, knowing that we will paint it in the best possible shades. Remember, we are designed that way. It is frightfully difficult and uncomfortable to do otherwise.

Some brave, brave, brave victims have stepped out of their zones of comfort (and inward torment) and gone against every fiber of their being, all that they are designed to be and do, and quit believing the liars and started confronting the monsters. It couldn't have been easy. It is very inspiring!

YES! People like Lori have gone against our human nature of believing people. She has worked at it for 6 years showing NTM that she does not believe them, yet struggling to want to believe they will do the right thing.

I am 70 with many years of being "normal" and believing people. Now with age comes some unnatural feeling and thoughts. Everyone should be doubted, everyone questioned. Now all it takes for me to distrust someone in authority is just a hint that they are out to deceive and I am done with them. For me it has now become natural to trust no one. And I have a new normal

My first position out of college was as a counselor at a rescue mission. It was tough for me to make judgement calls about my clients. Do we follow the rules and kick them out for this? What if they have children? Are 9 months pregnant?

One of my wise co-workers told me . . .if you've carefully considered all of the sides to the story, and still aren't sure, you have to make a decision one way or the other. If it's between law and grace . . .choose grace.

I've tried to choose grace in dealing with people of which I have some authority and control, knowing that I do to have the full story, that I am coming from my own prejudices and bias.

But then there are people that have control over some aspect of my life. Trying to understand and make allowances for them is very stressful and taxing. It takes a good advisor to handle that stuff correctly, when the attack is against you.

So I understand your compassion fatigue, Shary. It's just easier to not trust.

I've taken steps to give people less power over my life. I work per diem, so that I have more flexibility in time management of my own life. I doubt I will ever work a salaried position again . . .I've donated enough hours to corporations in the guise of "comp time" that you never get back.

I don't do "contracts," "leases", or give people an inch of spiritual authority over me.

I don't defend myself well, so I try to use my gifts in areas that I can excell in . . .not in areas that I have to compete in.

Theology? Not my bag. Sorry, God. The Gene Long's of this world are made for that . . .

Politics? Once again, fail. My dad would love a good right vs. left debate. I walk away.

Hurting kids? I will throw myself in front of the truck for them. We think everyone would, but they don't. Depressed seniors? Hoarders? I collect them.

There is still so much I don't know about abuse. I love the fact that each new story has taught me yet another way to love, to believe, to help.

It helps me breathe.

We don't have to challenge everyone Shary--just those who, for some reason, are in your scope. And being an MK means something entirely different then it did five years ago. Then it was a historical, perhaps interesting, anecdote. Now? Its a lifeline to scattered, shattered people.

I "heart" this.

We need an icon like the one Facebook has: <3

EXCELLENT, Allbetter