MK forum

Or maybe you have tried for many years to put it all behind you and move on only to find that when a certain name is mentioned the anger still burns within you. You feel guilty and ungodly for not being able to forgive.

Just a thought

Panama MK,

You make a good point.

Would just like to encourage those who are reading but hesitant to post that we are here and would love to hear from you.

Thank you Panama MK. I think you have articulated something important about this topic of silence. People being afraid of showing anger or other intense emotions because they think that is not Christian and they think that Christians should not feel that way.

I feel that way about a certain person and want to write or talk to him in person but am afraid of what I will say because I want to get right up in his face and tell him what a dirty, rotten stinker he is. If I was a man I would punch him in the nose. How could he say this, do this, allow this to go on for years etc...He calls himself a Christian well I doubt that he is or if he is, he's sure got a horrible way of showing it. Interestingly the person is not one of the pedophiles he is one of those who was in leadership who was negligent and covered up the abuse. The shock of the abuse has started to wear off but the way I feel about this guy is still pretty intense so I know there's something still going on there that needs to be dealt with. Yeah I know does not sound very Christian does it.

Maybe it's better to stay silent sometimes but that energy and emotion will come out somehow so one has to find some legitimate way of releasing the tension without half killing somebody. My counselor said to get a punching bag but I don't have that much energy lol. I think the punching bag is a good idea though.

Some of us "hover" because we are outsiders........non NTM MK's. I am an MK from another mission (SIM) who has struggled with the abuse from the past years at boarding school and how it has affected my life, my marriage, my family. I hover because in reading your stories, I find common ground............an MK regardless of what mission we were with, has similar history and the pain is just as great. I hover because I feel compassion and outrage at the atrocities that have been committed and may still be ongoing, and I hover so that I know how and what to pray for.

The NTM abuse is especially gripping because, to my knowledge, unlike many other mission boarding schools, the abuse is quite recent and it seems very pervasive throughout many of their schools.

As to why I don't post............ it was originally set up for NTM abuse stories and I feel a little as though I am walking on hallowed ground........I mean this with the utmost respect for ALL of the stories that are here. I decided to post today on this topic because I wanted to let you know that while I am a "hoverer" it is because I am truly interested in the outcome and trusting that God will change the hearts and mindset of those within NTM so that those who were once so young, so abused, can begin to find healing.

lara

lara-. May this be a forum for your voice too. Your kind words of support have encouraged me.

Then there is the problem of those who still have to hide. It would be helpful to be able to share, but the ramifications would be far too scary. Tuti seems to be able to do it without fallout so far. You go, girl! Maybe there is too much pressure at hdqtrs right now to lower the boom there.
Hello, monitor person, are you taking notes?
One person wrote on another thread that NTM is just like a corporation now so what's the big deal? Just leave if you don' t like how things are going. Sorry, but it's much more complicated than that with its spiritual overtones (altho faulty according to Gene and we agree) and its cultish leanings. Combine that with a genuine desire to serve the Lord and do what He has indicated for your life----you don't just leave. You continue on and take the abuse. If you even realize that that's what it is.
If you realize what is going on, you reach out to others who are being persecuted: listen/ pray with them/ love them/ listen some more/ treat them like real people. But when it happens to you, you REALLY know what it feels like and how trapped you are. You can't agree to disagree with folks who refuse to dialogue with you. There is the harassment/ the periods of silence/ the mis-use of authority/ the threats/ and finally you leave or are asked to leave or you somehow slink into a corner and continue on til the next onslaught. Or you stand up for truth and it gets worse.
People in that situation can't stand up loudly for the former little ones who have been so horribly abused and traumatized---who have lost so much. They listen. They pray. They hurt and cry with these. They know their plight is nowhere near what the former mks are facing.
And, besides, they have no voice. It is commendable that GRACE recommended that NTM create a safe place for those abused by "leaders" to be able to share. It would be nice if all of this could happen at once. *Especially* all the other investigations of schools that need to be done!
So there might be many who are too afraid that their hurt and devastation will be compounded by speaking up. Know you understand about that.
That's all.

I think that from the perspective of some former Tribers (such as my parents), posting on here is far more drama than their comfort zones could ever tolerate. It is getting too close to the intimacy of raw emotions (blinding rage, spewing bitterness, suffocating despair, etc.), and it is too close to the organization that hurt them so deeply.

Even though they shudder & recoil at the mention of NTM, they themselves are still fearful of being shamed, publicly chastised, attacked & ridiculed. Ironically, they are reflecting the NTM of 20+ years ago by believing this forum to be a witch-hunt and NTM-bashing fest, hosted by an army of vengeful, embittered MK's. They can't see it for what it is, a group of broken adults who are looking for justice & healing, & who are trying to pick up the pieces - or hold those pieces together as tightly as they are able.

They truly are sad for the children who suffered, but they will remain sad from a safe distance. No drama. Keep the facade calm and cooperative. They cannot stomach the public revelations of emotion and painful events, too sloppy and human, not controlled & spiritual enough. "Forgive." "Extend mercy." "Take the high road." "Move on."

Almost every post on here that was written by a mom (or dad) of an MK has made me cry. They have crawled into the middle of this mess of broken humanity and held their children's hands - and they've shown loyalty & godliness that this fleeting & fragile life can't break. They exhibit humility and courage by acknowledging their own mistakes, & standing WITH their "babies" in the middle of their emotional storms.

Thanks for posting lara.

My prayer is that NTM will now be a good example and that there will be real change in this area of dealing with abuse. It has been said that NTM shoots it's wounded but my prayer is that this will no longer be the case. My hope is in God and whatever happens I will continue to trust Him and look to Him regardless of what happens to NTM. There is life after NTM but I have not given up on them yet.

As I've said before this is a form of therapy for me so I have some selfish interest here. I can't keep my mouth shut about certain things anymore, I just don't care about what people think of me so much anymore.