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I almost threw up.
Then I didn't feel so alone as an abused person.
And I realized that MUCH worse things had happened--criminal things.
Then I cried.

I shook.
I knew I wasn't alone.
I knew that the rumors were true.
I cried and remembered.
I felt it would do no good.
I realized that so many others were hurting, and in much worse ways than I was.
I debated telling my story (after all, it was small peanuts compared to what others went through).
I felt strong.

I'm a nurse with 30 years of watching people die, seeing body parts in strange positions and being sent in to look after some of the worst criminals that walk this planet, because no one in their right mind would let a female nurse near them and I happen to be bald and ugly.

But when I first started on Fanda Eagles I was disgusted, angry and relieved. Disgusted because I'd spent the last 30 years believeing I was the only one who had been abused, while all my fellow MKs had a wonderful childhood. Angry that my father had lied to me, NTM had lied to me. And relieved that finally I wasn't alone.

As I dug deeper in to what had been going on, even I with my career felt phsyically sick and disturbed. This was supposed to be a wonderful christian childhood, but it was just pervert after paedophile, raping, beating, bending our minds, breaking us, locking us up in rooms, dragging us before the Sunday congregation and humliating us till we cried and broke down. I sought out the company of my dog and bicycle and when I came back from climbing the hills for hours, I spoke to a professional counsellor. I cried on my wifes shoulder and I played my music loud, then I went cycling with the hound again.

I've worked mostly through my anger and what I want to achieve now is justice and resolution. To that end I will use what time I have available to me to do that. Not just justice for myself, but for the countless others who are wandering through this life aimless, angry, confused and not coping.

Standing up for what is right is not without cost. I now have an almost unrepairable relationship with my parents, but I have regained the freedom of my mind and made some wonderful friends along the way and it's not a bad swap.

It is good to hear these comments.
It helps.
After current Tambo posts, I feel like throwing up again.
The days we enjoyed in Bolivia are turning green with slime.
Kids we related to were having terrible/horrible days.
There aren't enough tears or throwing up sessions to take care of this!
We send our love/ care/ and compassion.
We will support you in any way we can.

I was fighting for my girls, who went to Fanda and then trying to find healing for myself

The atrocities committed by NTM "missionaries" has to be acknowledged. This is sin, this is wicked, this is evil! Retirement of these "missionaries" does not acquit them. They are guilty, it is documented. Death should not be their saviour. It is no different than war crimes as far as I am concerned. Somebody prove me wrong. Full stop.

War Crimes is an excellent analagy. After all weren't we "fighting the good fight", with the "sword of the Lord" in our hand against the great "Satan and his hordes"?

Or were we on a peace mission and a couple of participants sort of lost their way and wandered away from the cause?

Hell no! We were battling for the souls of the masses, we were "Soldiers of the Lord".

So why didn't the Generals and the Field Commanders get some Court Marshalls going, instead of closing their eyes, exhonerating offenders and letting the crimes go on an on and on?

You could well be right, those that actively covered up are in some respects more culpable than those that committed the crimes. Not those who closed a blind eye, but those who had the power to end the crimes, expose them and have them dealt with, because they were in charge. Instead they acted as criminal cowards to preserve a cause that now has its credibility questioned by many because of their actions or lack of them.

Also think of those like my mother who were systematically broken, forced into a code of silence, kept in the dark and told over and over that their opinions were of no relevance because they were a mere woman. They aren't quite the innocent victims that we MKs are/were, for they did have some choice about the path they took, but they are victims of some of the same men who abused us. And to have escaped became virutally impossible as the years ticked by, for often there was nothing to escape to.

Yes, "the spiritual abuse this rendered has left many casualties in its path" and for many of us it will take a long time to heal and trust fellow christians again, that is the price we pay.