MK forum

Discuss anything MK here
It is currently Tue Nov 21, 2017 5:05 am

All times are UTC - 5 hours




Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 15 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2  Next
Author Message
PostPosted: Wed Oct 06, 2010 1:13 pm 
Offline

Joined: Mon Oct 04, 2010 2:15 pm
Posts: 16
I attended KA in the 60s and 70s - I was the quiet one who was really good at not being noticed! I don't have memories of sexual or extreme physical abuse towards myself, but I know that others at KA did have that experience, both from my memories and the stories I have been told. I am not going to tell other people's stories on this forum, but I hope you will feel free to tell yours.

I have heard stories lately of dorm parents abusing students, teachers abusing students, older students abusing younger students and inappropriate sexual behavior among students themselves, whether consensual or by force.

A few years back SIM began an AMK task force, which hosted meetings for MKs from different SIM schools who wanted to reconnect and reconcile with the Mission. Out of these meetings came some stories of abuse which were followed up, although all kept very confidential. I've talked to several people who attended these meetings with mixed reviews - some gained a sense of peace from talking about their experiences, some were temporarily assuaged but it wore off when they were back in their lives, and some didn't feel it helped them. In the past year many new stories of abuse at Kent Academy have surfaced, which weren't addressed by the previous task force. There are MKs out there whose lives have been, and are still, profoundly affected by their experiences at boarding school. MKs have a strained relationship with their parents because of their boarding school experience, especially since the KA staff led us to believe we shouldn’t burden our parents with our homesickness or unhappiness. Finally, many MKs (including myself) have had difficulties parenting their own children, so the unhappiness is being passed on to another generation.

If you haven’t already read the report of the GRACE investigation into Fanda, the New Tribes Mission school in Senegal, please do. You can find it on this web site. I am struck by the list of ways that the Fanda MKs were affected later in life by the abuse they suffered. To quote from the report:

“What impact did these forms of sexual, physical, emotional and spiritual abuse make in the lives of the students at Fanda? The catalogue of heartbreak and pain is not short: denial, memory loss, depression, guilt, feelings of powerlessness, panic attacks, the inability to sing in church, anger, fear, distrust of adults, suicidal thoughts and actions, self-harming, eating disorders, substance abuse, sexual experimentation, sexual confusion, sexual repression, running away, turning to the occult, criminal behaviour, imprisonment and death.”

Sound familiar? Do you or anyone you know from KA suffer from these conditions?

To their credit, SIM has said they are open to hearing MKs stories and going after the perpetrators. What is the best way for SIM to reach out to MKs on this topic? Would you like to tell SIM your story, and how would you feel comfortable doing that?

I am bothered by the confidentiality given to the perpetrators. If a dorm parent who cared for me has a history of abuse, shouldn’t I have access to that information? Keeping it a secret isolates many of the victims who believe they are the only ones who experienced such a thing. Are we protecting the perpetrators here at the expense of the victims?

Mark 4:22: For whatever is hidden is meant to be disclosed, and whatever is concealed is meant to be brought out into the open.

Thank you, Fanda Eagles, for giving us a forum where people can talk about these things if they wish. If you have a story to tell I believe this is a safe place to do it. Telling others what happened to you can start the healing process, and also lets other victims know that they are not the only ones. Also, please weigh in with your opinions on how we should approach SIM with these issues.


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
PostPosted: Wed Oct 06, 2010 4:06 pm 
Offline
Site Admin
User avatar

Joined: Wed Jun 09, 2010 2:31 pm
Posts: 152
Please let us know how the Fanda Eagles can help. Speaking out can be amazingly cathartic. The shame we feel from our abuse is illegitimate, and speaking has helped greatly reduce my sense of shame.


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
PostPosted: Wed Oct 06, 2010 4:12 pm 
Offline
Site Admin
User avatar

Joined: Sat Jun 12, 2010 8:03 am
Posts: 128
"I am bothered by the confidentiality given to the perpetrators. If a dorm parent who cared for me has a history of abuse, shouldn’t I have access to that information? Keeping it a secret isolates many of the victims who believe they are the only ones who experienced such a thing. Are we protecting the perpetrators here at the expense of the victims?"

This is an excellent point. Thank you for speaking out here, and I am glad you see this as a safe place.


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
PostPosted: Thu Oct 07, 2010 11:17 am 
Offline

Joined: Thu Oct 07, 2010 11:02 am
Posts: 1
I also was at KA 1958-65. I also was a quiet, be perfect person who avoided being noticed. But even that intimidation has affected my life.
I am an RN and recently our hospital had a series of "inspections" by licensing agencies so that we were on constant alert for over 3 months. I flipped back into being 8 years old at boarding school....doing my job, not smiling, not talking to anyone, trying to be perfect and unnoticed. Eventually received a warning from my boss about being "rude, short with people, abrupt etc" generally not a friendly American!
With input from Facebook and emails, I put these two together and developed a more mature less PTSD way to handle the atmosphere at work.
Talking does help! Sharing may help others.


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
PostPosted: Thu Oct 07, 2010 11:54 am 
Offline

Joined: Mon Oct 04, 2010 2:15 pm
Posts: 16
I think it begs the question, why did we think we had to be quiet and not get noticed? For myself I lived in fear for much of the time I was at KA, especially in the younger years. I did NOT want to get the attention of a staff member, especially particular ones. Change table day was a nightmare. Please God don't let me get in the O'Donovan's section!! I can still remember that feeling in the pit of my stomach. It seems to me a lot of punishments were carried out publicly in the dining halls. I have to say that it took me most of my adult life to figure out that I am not naturally a shy and timid person, as I was led to believe all through my childhood.


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
PostPosted: Thu Oct 07, 2010 12:18 pm 
Offline

Joined: Thu Oct 07, 2010 12:14 pm
Posts: 1
I attended SIM's Bingham Academy in the early 70's. It was a brutal environement for children. I personally suffered abuse by dorm parents. My mother decided to leave the field after my experience in 3rd grade, she told SIM they were not coming back unless the dorm parents were removed which they were. I know of many kids who suffered abuse at Bingham, it was a horrific experience.


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
PostPosted: Thu Oct 07, 2010 12:55 pm 
Offline

Joined: Mon Oct 04, 2010 2:15 pm
Posts: 16
I am so sorry to hear that, bdeklerk. Thank God your mother intervened for you. It was rare for a parent to do that from what I remember. The philosophy as I understood it was, Mission work first, children come second, and aren't those other missionaries taking great care of our children? I'm curious, have you ever talked to anyone from SIM (as an adult) about your experiences or shared them with other BA kids?


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
PostPosted: Tue Jan 25, 2011 7:43 pm 
Offline

Joined: Mon Oct 04, 2010 2:15 pm
Posts: 16
Please visit the blog, SIM Missionary Kid Survivors. http://childrenofsim.wordpress.com/


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
PostPosted: Thu Mar 24, 2011 7:56 am 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Wed Oct 06, 2010 10:28 pm
Posts: 169
You might notice that NTM is not on here defending themselves.


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
PostPosted: Thu Mar 24, 2011 7:57 am 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Wed Oct 06, 2010 10:28 pm
Posts: 169
Agast wrote:
You might notice that NTM is not on here defending themselves.

Comment is for SuperJake


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 15 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2  Next

All times are UTC - 5 hours


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
cron
Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Group