MK forum

This is part of NTM's religious sickness which hails from the "good ole days".

I think it's what is called a "religious spirit"......keeps people from looking too closely at the lives of the
individuals checking that you're doing your religious duty. We all know what Jesus spoke about those who's lives were full of religious duty.

These are the same people type of people that are currently saying to victims.......

"Whats 'a little' sexual abuse amongst our fellow NTMers?"

So, I've been taking a church-vacation since Christmas. Kinda fun. What's cool is that it seems to have bought me into the status of "she's in the Lord's hands now.". Yes, I'd much rather have God in charge of my spiritual life. The Gentle Observer and Occasional Intervener . . .

Been thinking/reading a lot about human sexuality. Teaching deep revulsion for any inward/outward expressions of sexuality hasn't really done our mission communities any favors, has it? How about frank discussions during candidate training that go something like this:

In the next 30 years you may find yourself sexually attracted to any of the following:

1). Another missionary's wife or husband. This does happen in close knit communities, especially if there are unmet needs. Like if the husband takes on an even greater attitude of superiority and in-charge-ness, perhaps related to local culture of the nationals and maybe the general stupidity of male missionaries who like to rev each other up and feel manly since they dont have a truck driving job. Or the wife who has been taught to only go to the Bible for help, as interpreted by all the men of the centuries. So she knows to be submissive, and doesn't have the help of Oprah. Other people's spouses or that delectable new single missionary can look REAL good. Take some time off, get away for awhile, find help for your marriage. It's important.

2). You may find yourself attracted to a child. This is anyone under 18. This is never the fault of the child. We want you to take a break from missionary life at this point. It is incompatible with our mission. You are to arrange time off and confront this issue with a sexual counselor (not just a seminar-trained church counselor, but a recognized, published, credentialed therapist).

3). Pornography, and other less church inspired sexual longings can bring internal conflict and external consequences. Be careful and confront your issues . . .

4). We are interested in you as a whole person, and recognize that we are all sexual beings. We ask that you have alternate available plans for a financial life if you are unable to stay on the mission field. We don't want to be your only option. Please keep up with any professional credentialing and a support team of friends at home (not just financial supporters.). Keep going back to a safe and loving familiar community when you are on furlough. Don't try to be a church leader wherever you go. Accept help, stay humble.

EXCELLENT POST, Allbetter!

Thank you!

I recently observed to someone that in the NTM in which I spent several post-high school decades, the sexual tension was amped up to "high". I was flirted with by many so-called Godly men on a continual basis. It could be subtle, but was sometimes overt.

This personal experience has helped lend credibility to the reports I have received in recent years about the sexual immorality that has gone on in NTM over the years. Missionaries with other missionaries. Missionaries with nationals. Missionaries with MK children or adolescents. Adolescent MKs with each other. I believe it all, because of what I myself sensed. (We have already established that sexual activity with a minor is not only wrong, it is illegal. And the adult is completely at fault, no matter how guilty the child feels. The child was used and abused. Not guilty.)

Not long ago I made the observation to someone that I think one reason NTM has refused to place women in leadership is that they don't feel they could keep the sexual tension under control, and having women in the boardroom would "obviously" lead to immorality. The former NTMer I said this to looked at me like I'd lost my mind. But I would challenge any man in NTM leadership to deny that this concern has crossed their mind. (With true honesty ... which I now despair of finding.)

New Tribers: Women are not lesser human beings. We are not brainless sex objects. We have credible spiritual depth and wisdom. We complement men beautifully, not only in the home, but in the church, in mission work, and in positions of leadership. You could learn to trust us, and trust yourselves. It could be done.

It's time to re-think your outdated view of women. And of children. All human beings deserve respect, appreciation, and safety.

All of us.

I know that some people believe that the sexual harassment laws in the workplaces and schools take things too far. I think that they do good in giving students the words and means to protect themselves. Do present NTM schools have any protocols in place for sexual harassment? Everyone needs an impartial person to report to . . .a safe place to go to when you wonder, "is he/she flirting or making an advance--what should I do about it?"

It's well-researched that the forbidden is a sexual turn-on for many of us. (Wow, did I just say "us?". Hmm, . . . .). But that's exactly the problem when ministers believe that they're sexual needs/wants are so different from the nationals, or those secular people in the states that send their children to public schools. We need to educate our children on how we are similar to other people. They know the differences all too well. And if there are thorny situations with "nationals"--it's a part of life to be worked out early on, with caring committed advisors. Not "shameful" if the boundary-crossing is deliberate, careful, and not harmful. Once again, the traditional missionary role should be able to be dropped if necessary with no judgement of spiritual character.

I know, dream on . . .

Fun talking again!

Good to have you back, Albetter. We missed you!