MK forum

Dropping by to say that my MK husband is still on meds and in therapy, and is pretty happy right now. Problems arise when he feels guilty about being on meds, and is doing better because of the anti-depressants, so decides he can lower the dosage. If he will just stop that, and accept that whatever makes him happy it worth it, then he has a great chance at happiness. He made a suicide gesture on Thanksgiving, but I think our family's loving response to him made a huge difference. He hasn't been drunk since, which is good.


We might possibly visit his parents out of obligation at the end of February, so all prayers are appreciated. The last time we visited, he brought up some of his painful memories to his Dad, and his Dad completely blew him off. Then his Dad went out about how blessed they are that all their kids are doing so well, and said that many of the other retired missionaries have "very wayward" children. Though I sympathized and encouraged my husband, he still wound up turning his anger on me that weekend. I am darn tired of paying the penalty for other people's sin.

They know nothing about my husband's problems, because they don't want to know. All they want to know is that their children stay married and go to church regularly. They have their heads firmly in the sand and made it clear that is how they like it and intend to keep it that way. I wanted to stand up in the dining hall of their retired missionary assisted living and yell out to all of them what hypocrites they are and tell them to repent because the end is nigh for them.

I refrained. They have Moses and the prophets; let them hear them.

Alas I've been down a similar road and finally had to call it a day with my father. The years of verbal and psycological abuse were enough, add in the statement that abused children was none of his concern and I walked away. I doubt we will have further contact, no doubt there will be bizzare letters in the mail and the whispering about how he has been abandoned, but it's to late, every opportunity has been afforded to mend the relationship, but the offer was never accepted.
At last it feels I've got rid of the final millstone that was dragged round for decades and the freedom is exhilirating.
Good luck in your journey.

This makes my heart ache, if only parents would wake up and help their adult children. Yes, wouldn't we all like to think that we have the perfect family, our children are perfect, our grandchildren are perfect, etc., etc., etc. but the truth of the matter is, that is just not so. An older pastor's wife told me, "all families have some dysfunction." I didn't want to believe her but I sure do now. Why don't parents admit their failings and get on with the job of correcting them the best they can, what is the harm in that? Another thing that disturbs me is when we compare our children to those who are not faring so well, why should that give us any thing to gloat about? Full stop.

I think the answer to your question is "arrogance". When you believe that you are the only person who is right and you don't have to listen to anyone else, then you've crossed the line. It would take large doses of genuine humility to get back across that line, not just a couple of crocodile tears for what one has lost.
Our family name will stop with me, as I didn't have any children, for two reasons. Firstly I'd felt I'd missed out on my own childhood, because of the path my father took and secondly I was worried I'd turn out like my father because of a genetics. Perhaps fortunately I have more my mothers personality, but it's a bit late now. However being an uncle and writing stories for kids is pretty cool and at the end of the day, no mess to clean up .

I certainly understand your thoughts on that in more ways than you would know. I have to admit I always told my husband, if I act like my mother please tell me and I will try to stop. She wasn't the worst, mind you, but I didn't want to emulate her. Pride, our own worst enemy! Humility, our own best friend! Just my opinion from reading your posts, but I reckon you would have been a good dad but what you contribute to other people's children can't go unnoticed. Another thought is I reckon parents need to be adult children's friend. Full stop.

Very sad for you, Bemused.
But I see you using the gifts you gained from adversity for the good of many.
And not JUST humor!

For several years I wrote for a major radio network every morning. Always something comical, often political satire. The greatest satisfaction was knowing that I made people laugh at the beginning of their day and in some small way they had a better day for it.

My childhood had little humour or music in it and yet these are two of the things I have come to enjoy the most. There were hints of a passion for the outdoors and this I have been fortunate enough to expand. But the spirituality I was so deeply immeresed in as a child, I have come to learn to live without and now at long last I am comfortable with who and why I am on this earth. And for that I am most grateful.

Shadowspring2.....at present you are talking with the "cuss word" queen of Fanda Eagles. I never used to "cuss" until I started to face the reality of my past with NTM. I was so angry after all the years of being bound up with religious phycho - babbel that was used to abuse us and keep us all under control.

Strangely enough the eloquent language and accepted expressions used in society just didn't cut it when it came to expressing how angry I was. Trust me...at first... to "cuss" feels a little naughty and so good....then it's sort of feels scary because it allows you to connect with the true emotions you have held locked up for soooo long. As all good christian women are told they should....we are never taught that it's ok to feel and be/get angry. When you connect with that anger it is both liberating and scary. You may at first feel as though you are out of control and so wildly angry it frightens you.....you may feel like this for a good while.....but this too will settle as you let off a little steam and release the pressure valve.

Someone suggested finding a secluded spot to have a good scream....I think would end up scaring myself....must try it one day. lol

Useful tip. Buy a trumpet instead of yelling.

Blow it very loudly. If you make beautiful music, then you have accomplished something. If you make an awful sound, someone will eventually come and ask if you are o.k., then you can tell them why you are making an awful noise. They might even sympatise with you, just to get you to stop blowing the thing, or they might pull out their trombone and you can both make a terrible noise. Never know you might end up with a whole brass band, then a politician is bound to turn up or the media and you can tell them your reason for making a terrible noise. Of course attempting to play something patriotic with a flag in the background, might even get you on t.v. and you can have your 15 minutes of fame to air your feelings to the whole world.

And all this because you blew in a trumpet, amazing ay .