MK forum

My life has changed since finding this forum in that finally someone is admitting that the abandonment my husband went through- and the accompanying buried anger, depression, aggression, and numbness- was real, and that he is not alone, not making things up, and yes it was all really exactly that bad.

Knowing where his depression comes from didn't make it go away, but it gave him support that he was not merely being a "crybaby" or a "whiner" - the great perjorative used against broken-hearted MKs.

It has helped me to understand him, deepened my compassion, and caused me to reexamine a lot of cherished beliefs I had about doctrine, marriage and our life together.

My husband still hasn't owned up to any of what we are going through to his family. They are NONE of them close, so it's pretty easy to do. No one knows how close we came (and might still be) to divorce, his depression, the pain and anger he experience(d)(s), the therapy (drug and EMDR)- nope, no one has a clue.

I don't know if he'll ever tell anyone in his family. That will have to be his decision, not mine.

It is understandable, but still sad, that family relationships have undergone strain in the last year. My thought is this: try to overcompensate on the love. So if a family member feels threatened by your conversation, give it a break for awhile, and see if they bring it up. Meanwhile, pray that God will reveal something to you that would be meaningful to them. Like pay attention to their kids, their issues and complaints. See if you can help, and show love even with the differences. I've encountered quite a few narcissistic missionaries who have effectively shut down relationships by constantly talking about their work. I have on occasion pushed my topics into the conversation, just to get them thinking about something else. I dare to go to a pretty strange unapproved church, which we carefully say nothing about . . .I certainly am not asking for their opinion. I guess it's one of those boundaries I don't want crossed with people that have made me feel inferior spiritually . . .but it comes with a price.

Thanks for sharing Shadowspring, Supporting, Highlander, H-n-H. It's easier going through change when you can talk about it with someone else.