MK forum

I remember in boot camp being told by one of the leaders that I really respected, "If you think you're going to the mission field to be "just a mom," then don't go. This was said to our whole class. In other words, moms were expected to "minister and do their part" as well as everyone else. I remember that comment not sitting well with me. I was a new mom at the time. Although I knew I wanted to be able to help in ministry I was in no way going to let ministry come first before my kids. Now as a mom of three, I feel even more strongly about that. We are no longer with the mission. But even with our "regular USA" lives, I still put family life first. Being a mom or dad is our most important calling. We have our kids for such a short time and then they're gone. Careers and ministries will always be there, but our kids won't.

Um, I forgot to mention what I think is both a truth and a lie about boarding school: my relative assured me that the kids loved it there, that boarding school was just like summer camp!

Any of you ever been counselor to little kids at summer camp? I have. They are extremely home sick the whole time.
They are just too young to be away; they couldn't really grasp what it would be like to be away from home. Their parents built it up as this great experience and, wanting to please parents, they bravely got on that bus. But they cry and cling and hold back most of the week, punctuated with brief moments when they were distracted enough from the anxiety to get into something- a puppet show, a craft project.

As their counselor (and this particular camp with which I volunteered is run by an MK, so very telling!) your job is to distract them as much as possible. We are told not to talk about their homes and families, change the subject when they bring it up as quickly as you politely can, and keep them busy! That's why a camp schedule rushes from one activity to the next with little down time, why there are chores, why there is so MUCH FOOD! Oh my, the food. These kids were allowed to pick whatever they wanted, go back for seconds, eat as much as they could hold.

So that's how my husband learned to distract himself from dealing with conflicts or negative emotions! He was trained to do that at boarding school. It also includes why he just shovels the food in when he is in PTSD mode. My own son also has had a weight problem, eating to stuff emotions. He believes it started at camp. Boo camp. Great for teens; should be outlawed for anyone under twelve, imho.

So, yeah, maybe boarding school is like summer camp for these young kids, but that is NOT a positive endorsement! We only had to distract and weave a web of activity around the confusion of "why did mom and dad send me away?" for a week until their parents came to get them. Boarding school was months at a time! Months!

This is the problem when we filter our realities through our beliefs. We lose the ability to be objective and to see reality for what it is.

In a bigger picture, what about hardening your hearts about leaving loved ones in your native country? I know being open and broken is better -- my brother cries and he and their children openly talk about missing us and family. But they have a level of sadness and unsettledness that is disturbing to me. More issues about saying good-bye. Will they ever end?

@Gene Long
This is not a small error, but a large one. It is closely akin to the idea that missionaries "live by faith" while their supporters do not.

So very true. Since we have been stateside and out of NTM for 3 years now, I have to say that living here requires more faith for me than living on the mission field. How pompous for us to think that missionaries are somehow more spiritual or faithful than Christians who live in the USA. I see and hear of people daily here, in the USA, who have a tremendous testimony in Christ. Missionaries should not be put on a pedestal. I remember speaking at a church once and that was one of the first things I said to the audience.

Yes, it would have been easier for me to follow a missionary life, then the one I am living . . .of course, we don't really know that . . .

I think Allbetter that no life that we live without accepting God`s grace is difficult for us. Maybe even that is not going to be easy for us. We really are not of this world, but have a home in heaven. My little human intellect can`t really comprehend the boundlesness of God`s grace to us. He says his burden is easy and His yoke is light but who among us can prove it. Never the less it is true.

I don't process Christianese too well anymore--so many misconceptions--do you have a different way of saying, "accepting God's grace?". Maybe in example or story form?

Shadowspring, going back to the kids love it at boarding school idea. Here's why I loved it: 1) many missionaries have big personalities--our little mission had quite a few who just took over everything. By the time I was 16 and went to Via, I had no concept of being an individual. Everything was geared to the loudest and those in charge. It was a relief to just do silly teenage stuff. Although individuality was not a trait to be prized at Via, at least there were a couple of other girls there that you could hang with. Many MKs are super lonely, isolated at home.
2). I had just been through a grueling year, 10th grade in a public high school on furlough. It was 1984. All of the Christian kids were pulled out and in little church schools, which we couldn't afford to go to. My first day of school I stupidly sat down with shop guys, because my cousin was the one person I knew in the whole school. Next I tried a girls table--and the rest of the week cried in the toilet stall for lunch. Oh yeah, plus the free lunch ticket thing--loads of fun standing in line for that. The 80's were super matchy, preppy. It was a nightmare trying to fit in. Eventually I found an eclectic group that took me in, but it wasn't until Via, that I felt understood.
3). The dichotomy of living an MK life was not only lonely, but confusing as well. We were encouraged to go to our Brazilian church youth group outings, to be leaders. But I wasn't allowed to date Brazilians. My best friends were running their households, had jobs to bring money home for food, getting married, all before age 17. Another MK I was friends with was getting proposals at age 13. Although the Brazilians were great fun to be with, knowing that we had to leave and go to school and then college made lasting friendships difficult. So Via felt safe, for awhile.
4). The pace of life at Via, with extreme scheduling did cut down on the time we mulled over difficulties and emotional pain.