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PostPosted: Thu May 19, 2011 1:03 pm 
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Joined: Sun Sep 19, 2010 9:34 pm
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Hi Jane Doe! Yes, Welcome! I was wondering how your parents are dealing with their guilt. Any luck getting them into counseling? I would love to see my Dad sit down with someone, but haven't had any progress there. He's a lot more quiet and understanding then he was before . . .I guess that's good. Is there anything we can help you with?


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PostPosted: Thu May 19, 2011 1:27 pm 
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Welcome, Jane Doe and spread the word - your peers from those times might be needing this forum too. I´m so glad you found this place, be prepared for some roller coaster emotions. God keep you in his peace!


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PostPosted: Thu May 19, 2011 2:04 pm 
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Traevbru,

As part of my therapy I had group sessions with my parents and then they went seperatly to the same therapist. It was great, I went through so many emotions, sadness, depression and a lot of anger towards my parents. We have worked it out and it has made us so much closer. The three of us are very open about discussing our feelings and emotions about what happened.
As far as dealing with their guilt, part of it was my working through my anger issues with them, I do not blame them for what happened to me and in some ways they are victims as well. Home schooling was non-existent and severly frowned upon and I know that every time I got on that plane to go to school my parents heart broke. It's an on-going process but progress has been made.

Jane Doe


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PostPosted: Thu May 19, 2011 2:08 pm 
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That is so good to hear, Jane Doe!
This will be encouraging to many of us.
And I'm happy for your family.


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PostPosted: Thu May 19, 2011 3:10 pm 
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Joined: Thu Sep 16, 2010 11:06 am
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Hi Jane,

Thanks for coming. Thanks for sharing. We're listening.

Hurt-n-Hopeful


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PostPosted: Fri May 20, 2011 10:38 am 
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Joined: Mon Sep 27, 2010 1:45 pm
Posts: 170
Welcome Jane Doe, I'm so glad you're here and that you're on the path of healing. It sounds like God has done a lot of healing already in your family. Of course, it makes a difference when people want to heal and are willing to go through the gamut of emotions to get there. So glad your parents have also been willing to work through their stuff. It's a wonderful thing.


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PostPosted: Tue May 24, 2011 11:21 am 
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jj, I assume your family's healing came about gradually though. How did you start off with them . . .there are so many out here that still have such big gulfs . . . .any suggestions?


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PostPosted: Tue May 24, 2011 1:45 pm 
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Allbetter,

The healing did not happen overnight. We gave each other a lot of room to deal with our feelings and emotions. I am sure my parents did quite a bit of praying for me during that time as well. I went through stages where I couldn't even speak to my parents or be around them because I was so angry.

I was very honest and open with them when I told them I was going to therapy and why. I also made it very clear to them that this was my journey and I needed their support. I also told a few very close friends what I was doing and why. I built a really good support system which helped immensly when I was dealing with the roller coaster of emotions.

After a month of going to therapy 3 times a week, we had a group session. My therapist pretty much told them what to expect, the anger, confusion, depression all the stages I would go through and the different scenarios on how I would handle it. It was good as it prepared all of us for what was to come. I give my parents a lot of credit for being open minded and willing to go through that with me, without telling me what I should feel,do or preaching at me. They just supported me. Especially since I chose a therapist who was NOT affiliated with any religion.

I remember a couple of months where I wouldn't see or talk to my parents, I had a lot of rage. I came home from work and on my back porch was a punching bag with boxing gloves and a note from my Dad. I've dragged that punching bag to 4 different states and still have it! I don't think I will ever get rid of it.

For me, this was not a journey where I was placing blame or looking for someone to target the emotions on. I really just wanted to address it head on , deal with it, and move on. Sounds simple right? HaHa, if only! I tell myself everyday that if I keep letting what happened to me so long ago affect me now, then I am letting him victimize me all over again. I refuse to let him keep affecting my life.

My parents and I also have made the topic a safe one. We can openly discuss it now and how we feel without feeling like either one of us have to tiptoe or walk on egg shells. They are entitled to their emotions and I am to mine, we respect that.

JJ


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PostPosted: Tue May 24, 2011 2:25 pm 
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JJ, It warms my heart to read about how you've been processing and healing. And how well your parents have responded to your needs through this time. You -- and they -- are very blessed.
I am the mother of two MK daughters who were molested by a co-worker on the field. One of my daughters still cannot discuss this painful subject at all. I don't know how to explain the way that every abuse survivor responds so differently. Each one needs such different things -- and maybe even at different times. Some want to talk, some want to be left alone.
It's not easy being on the parent side either. I am very thankful to read how well you are doing. I know your parents must be so proud of you -- how hard you've worked to bring such healing to yourself and to your relationship with them.


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PostPosted: Wed May 25, 2011 8:33 am 
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Raz,

We do all handle things differently, I think the turning point for me was when I realized I didn't have anything to be ashamed of and that despite what happened to me I am not "damaged" goods, alot of baggage? Most definetly!

My heart aches for you and your daughters, I truly hope that they will be able to heal in time. Sending many hugs your way!

JJ


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