MK forum

Anything you feel bad about, even though you know it's irrational? Back in the 80's, in Cuiaba, we had an SIL day school for MKs. From 1980-1984, my family attended there, but during the spring found out that more and more of our friends would be leaving and not coming back. We went on furlough and got a letter from SIL asking if my brother and I would be going back. If we were, they would keep the high school open for us, but if not, they would close. Mom and dad had another option--they had been writing to the Keys, and found out about Via. They gave us a choice, and we immediately choose Via. We went back to Brazil and had an exploratory visit to Via. The board interviewed Duane and I and decided that we looked tame enough. So it was decided that on a trial basis, Via would once again open it's school to non-NTM kids. It was a good year, and we went back to Cuiaba and told everyone how great Via was . . .and the next year many more kids came from Cuiaba and other places. So, I feel bad that I led the way to a place where so much heartache was found, much that has not made it onto this forum. Irrational, right? Despite it's irrationality, I'd like to formally apologize to my fellow Cuiabanos. Although I had a great time and met many wonderful people, if I could go back, I would stay with my parents for a few more years. Ok, so that's the last time I will think such a non productive thought, I swear.

Scoot over....

I've dealt with the same feelings. However, I made my mistakes as an adult. No less sincerely than yours, but still as an adult who should have had his eyes open. I opted for a very carefully edited view of reality, one that allowed me to overlook things that I knew were wrong, in order to "get on with the job." Worse, I allowed myself to look down on good people who "left the work" - the worst among them being those who chose "secular" employment. Quitters!

I am utterly ashamed when I think of it. Yours may be irrational guilt, Traevbru, but mine is hideously real.

Is guilt something that should be lived with, though, i guess this question is more to Gene? I've felt/feel guilty at different times, but sometimes I'm confused about whether there's a good reason for it or whether the guilt really had no basis in truth. My take on it has been that guilt should be the result of your conscience telling that you did something that falls short of God's perfection. Its purpose would be to bring conviction, repentance, confession and forgiveness (I know, christianese, I normally avoid using it, but I just don't have the time to write these differently right now). So any guilt felt after those other steps have been taken is irrational, don't you think? This is something I've thot of over the years because I've seen guilt at work in my life and in so many around me, they're just BURDENED, and as I listen to why they feel guilty, I wade through such murky waters. It's like the other black and white thread - I simply can't pick apart what's right and wrong, in my human eyes there's simply so much gray. So the only one who can see things as totally right and totally wrong is God. Maybe, if I'm doing ok in my relationship with God, he might use my conscience to convict me about something - but I don't think he wants me to STAY there, otherwise there's no purpose in guilt. His ultimate purpose is that we arrive at the forgiveness because that's given on the basis of grace.

So from this I guess we can draw 2 things:

1. Any longtime guilty feelings may, even though truth based, still be irrational, especially if conviction, repentance, confession has happened (forgiveness is then given)

2. Now we can feel guilty about feeling guilty

We humans are SO complicated! Is that where we reflect God's image?

I've got to go for the rest of the day, so if someone writes back, I won't be on until tonight.

abrazos!

Those are excellent thoughts, Sunshine! Like you said, now I should probably feel guilty for feeling guilty!

I guess, however, there is a difference between guilt and shame, though I'd hate to try to define it. I think, on balance, that I feel shame when I remember those things, even though they are now forgiven. That's probably OK, in light of Romans 6.21.

Still, your reminder was timely and very much appreciated. Thanks!

Guilt is a great motivator in my life. Guilt & Shame were wielded with great gusto at our school. They were splendid motivational tools - and were most instrumental in the staff's quest to inspire obedience, kindness & spirituality. Students who didn't succumb to these tactics were shunned, publicly humiliated, criticized, and ignored.

Consequently, I face everything in life through the lenses of guilt/shame. At every turn - every decision I make, every bad thing that happens during the day, every angry person around me, every minute I'm not being productive, every minute I'm not relaxing with family . . .

It's like a disease, a constant presence trying to chip away at core truths from Scripture. There is no condemnation in Christ Jesus. Grace.

XYZ - what you said totally resonates. "Consumed" would be the word as it applies in my life.

Is it hopeless? Even though I was in great pain post op and knew it was stupid, I still went to work, so coworkers wouldn't be inconvenienced and bosses mad. Now I'm on crutches. I hate this aspect of myself. Any ideas? And about productivity, my therapist actually laughed at me when I told her my favorite guru is David Allen, of "Getting Things Done" fame. She's like, "and how's that working for you?".

Reading these last few posts, the book the came to mind is "Boundaries" by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. It is especially helpful in relationships; figuring out what we are and aren't ok with; and setting your boundaries without shame/gulit/apology. It also gives many scriptures showing how Jesus did the same thing when he walked this earth. Sometimes in Christian circles we think we need to say yes to everything and basically let people walk all over us to prove that we're "spiritual" yet that is not how Jesus lived. I loved this book and would really encourage anyone who struggles with this to read it. There are also other boundaries books by the same authors like boundaries in marriage, boundaries for teens, etc.

I´ll have to check that out, I think I´ve seen that title on someone´s bookshelf - about saying yes to everything - I always point my finger at my sister about that - and then sometimes catch myself turning around and doing the same thing - do I have to feel guilty about saying yes? I´ll look for the book

Treavbru::::::::::::::::::::::
Let me put your mind at ease. We were in Cuiaba in the '90s and went to the SIL school. Not long after we got back to the US we received a letter about a staff member abusing the girls. We were already leery of that person and my girls tried to keep their distance, never going to the pool if he was there, esc. The family was sent home immediately but harm had been done. Also, We were sent to live in another mission compound and the man would always just walk in on us. It was terrible. We were all women and we had to watch out because I think he was doing it on purpose. Two women and 3 teenage girls. So It happened in Cuiaba also. Sorry