MK forum

Well, yes, there is that . . .I remember a 7th grade teacher that would teach with his zipper down, and go commando underneath (at SIL), and then his creep of a son. Yes, there will always be perverts among us. I learned how to deal with them when I was quite young, it involved a hard and knowing look, and fast pace, and making friends. When I went to Israel other girls were hit on by the local Arabs . . .one day I was stupidly walking by myself in the Old City and went by my favorite shop . . .the owner, a buddy, told me that they started talking about me as I walked by and he told them, " that girl, if you touch her, she will take off her shoe and hit you in the face."

I guess a further regret is that I didn't know how hard it would be to reconnect with my parents once boarding school started. As a mother of a sixteen year old now, I am so proud to be one of the ones she goes to with situations . . . Am I ever glad she's with me! My Mom cried for a week after she dropped us off, and ever since then it's been constant good-byes. Yes, heaven sounds good

It seems to me that guilt and shame were conquered at the cross. If we are heirs of God and joint heirs with Christ and seated in heavenly in Christ then there can be no guilt because the price has been paid for our sins. I think guilt was instilled in us by those who lack an understanding of God`s boundless grace as a way to control us. It is very difficult to rid myself of this. I think conviction by the Holy Spirit brings us to repentance but He doesn`t use guilt because He also knows that the price has been paid.

Anyone know of any practical steps in conquering these lifetime infestations?

I think it was sunshine that said that we have to make the right coices over and over again. I think in Paul`s writings to the churches he tells them to think on what is true honest pure etc. I think if we really do this then the enemies darts cannot enter our minds as easily.

I've thought about getting those words tattooed around my wrist!

Well, here goes (:

Let me tell you guys something that made a difference for me (not that I´ve arrived by any means), remembering, of course, that not everyone´s family situation is the same as mine. The whole "it´s not your fault, it´s not your fault, you didn´t DO anything" didn´t seem to cut it for me. I knew I didn´t DO anything, but I found myself in a situation in which I knew wrong things were happening - and here I´m not talking about Via anymore, I´m talking about before - and yet I didn´t follow my instinct. I had loving parents, naive parents, but loving ones, who treated me like a person, who listened to me and allowed me a lot of freedom in talking to them - questions and outbursts were never discouraged, they were met with truth as far as they could see it. At some point, best if it had been right at the beginning, I could have just told them the truth -but I DIDN´T.

Those of you who are a bit sensitive about coming near anything that seems preachy (and this is not preachy, but it does involve God) might want to stop here.

So, I got tired of forcing myself to think, "it´s not your fault" and all the while really thinking "you could have done somethng". So one day, in my 20´s I got on my knees (I made sure I was home alone that day, bc I didn´t figure this woul be as quick as some of our before meal prayers at Via) and I confessed - I confessed all that I felt I had failed in doing as a 6yr old in a situation that I knew was far from something a Holy God would condone. I confessed not telling my parents or someone responsible. I confessed to giving in rather then getting embarrassed. I confessed to being too proud to say anything about it later. I confessed to being angry at people who were not responsible. It wasn´t nice and neat - it was rather blubbery and snotty - but something happened and I was freed.

The thing is, it´s not that we´ve done anything worse than our neighbor or that we might be better - it´s that we´ve done enough to deserve condemnation. My wrong doing, as a 6 yr old, was enough to make me feel guilty, because in all that cesspool of sin, I had a part, maybe tiny, but there it was. Jeremy, I may be wrong, but I can´t agree with you that all guilt is wrong. I think that carrying guilt negates its purpose - the purpose of guilt is to make us realize we´ve done something wrong. We´re not supposed to continue feeling guilty, though, because if we confess our wrong doing, God is faithful and just, he PROMISES to forgive us the wrong doing and clean us up from absolutely EVERYTHING that makes us unclean.

This may not be something helpful for every guilt feeling. I´m not saying the amount of guilt I felt was not irrationally large for my part in the whole thing, but confession gave Satan no more grounds to use anything against me. His attempts at accusation later would have been met with, "so, big deal, e o que eu tenho a ver com isso/why should that be my problem?" Notice this was 20 something yrs after this all happened. I´m sure there were other things that happened in my healing, but this seemed to seal it. I started being able to talk about it normally. It´s not like I wrote something with a sharpie on my forhead, but I was able to admit that I had been abused - it was a part of my history. And I just don´t feel any more guilt - not about that.

I don´t know, but you might want to try this method when you feel guilty about eating that box of brownies, or procrastinating for that exam

whew, very longwinded, sorry

about the brownies - that´s that black humor again, not being flippant

Thanks, Sunshine---I have a lot to think about. In another matter, in hospice we call it gallows humor I remember Christmas day after a very very bizarre and traumatic death situation, I called a coworker and we laughed till I cried . . .

I forgot to say:

PS - I´m NOT saying that all victims of abuse should get on their knees and confess - cada caso é um caso - this is just what I felt I needed to do

yes, gallows humor - exactly