MK forum

Just had a conversation with a 65 year old missionary---she described a relative as "having succumbed to . . .going to a Lutheran church with her husband." So, I was wondering, does it make sense that this good (our non-denominational Bible-believing church) vs. Evil (any traditional church, any Pentecostal church) thinking led to the disgraces described in this forum? We were never warned about the evils of controlling behavior, manipulation, passive underlings . . .and thus were super susceptible. If someone was a missionary, especially in our own mission, then they were always right . . . So that terrible dichotomy of seeing something bad happen, like watching a supervising missionary humiliate a new missionary publicly, was not able to be voiced; but you knew it was wrong!!! What black and white thinking really screwed you up?

The thinking that when someone was placed in a leadership position in NTM, they were chosen by God, and their decisions were always the right ones, the Godly ones. Questioning them and their decisions was wrong. Because they couldn't be wrong.

Oh my! Is it a sin to go to a Lutheran church?

I had no idea what I was marrying into when I married a fundamentalist MK. I thought all Christians meant the same things by the same words, but I was so tragically naive.

Wow.

We didn't need any "secular" specialties, especially anything dealing with psychology, psychiatry or mental health. All that mattered were "spiritual" qualifications.

Shitting Duck, , never thought before of the disassociation angle. Wow, you're brilliant. Yes, my poor husband. I had no good conflict resolution skills when we first got married, and still remember his bewilderment when I would withdraw or cry instead of talk about it. And when he decided to never again go to church, I had no idea what to do . . .my head of the family was not my spiritual leader? I avoided contacted any of my former MK friends for years over the shame of that one . . .thanks for your input.

How about the must attend church anytime it's open? I spent so much time in pews I had to disassociate in order to survive! I hoped that that dreamy look I had would look spiritual . Mom recently apologized for not spending enough time with us -- I haven't responded to that one yet because I know we would disagree with all of those church hours.

At Gene's suggestion, let's talk about MK behaviors . . .or Kidthink . . .or how to tell when something is wrong with your kid . . (would value all input)
1). Refusal to learn new language. May mean, why should I? I didn't chose to come here!
2). Refusal to do the thing your parents most want you to do, May mean, I'm sending you a clear message that you're hurting me, and I want to hurt back
3). Finding reasons not to go with other missionaries to places . . .may mean, "they scare me!" or "I don't like the way they treat me."
4). Getting vaguely sick a lot may mean "I don't know how else to avoid what's going on"
5). Glazed over eyes and slow to answer speech may mean, "I'm so bored with constant church, prayer meetings, board meetings, that I'm trying to mentally go somewhere else."

Oh yes, church attendance.

I remember once, as we were getting ready to go to church, I began to pray, which soon led to my giving my heart over to total worship. I was on my knees, hands raised, thanking God for all the love and kindness He has shown me in heartfelt sincerity and my MK husband comes in the room. If looks could kill, I'd be dead. Forget having an actual relationship with God- I WAS MAKING THE FAMILY LATE FOR CHURCH! How dare I?

Of course he never said those words, that would be wrong. He communicated them with the silent withering stare, followed by a terse "when do you think you might be ready for church?" through clenched teeth.

I remember thinking this must be how David felt when Micah mocked him.

Anyway, don't hold it against my husband if he ever posts here. He was just living what he learned. Appearances, including being on time for church, are what matter in the missionary world he grew up in. People whose hearts are honestly and fully engaged in worship are to be held in contempt for being mere emotionalists.

Mere attenders are so much more pleasing to God, doncha know?

It's a wonder to me that anyone comes to a real faith in Jesus through the work of most missionaries. The fact that some people DO manage to come to Christ through the work is a real testament to the unending mercy of God. It is not an endorsement of mission policy or protocol, both of which favor doctrine over person and appearance over substance in most cases, at least as far as I have seen.

At allbetter's #5:

My husband can hold his breath for a very long time, a practice he started trying to stay awake during those ubiquitous services of which you write!