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 Post subject: Dear Parents
PostPosted: Fri Oct 01, 2010 10:54 am 
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Posts: 223
In response to many questions about "how can we get more parents to speak up about this issue?" and "How do we spread awareness?" and "What can we be doing to get the ball rolling?" I came up with this letter which you can copy and paste into your own e-mail or Facebook message, modify it to fit your needs, and then send it to everyone you feel should see it.

The following post is a letter (somewhat revised and edited) originally directed to Mission Boards. The original post was written by Via Wings under the thread "Dear Mission Boards."

Please feel free to leave your comments for the benefit of all of us.


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 Post subject: Re: Dear Parents of MKs
PostPosted: Fri Oct 01, 2010 10:56 am 
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Dear Parents of MKs,
I’m writing this letter asking you to take a few moments and consider the cost. Consider the cost of reaching the lost with the Gospel. Consider the cost of sending your kids to boarding school during their formative years. Consider the cost of abuse against your child, and their friends, at the hands of those you entrusted them to. Consider the cost of the cover-up by the Mission when said abuse is reported. Consider the cost.

If you are part of a Mission and you are reading this, please know that what I say here is intended to prevent or diffuse the storm that is brewing, a storm that has the potential to become much worse. This is coming from an MK who strongly believes in the words posted in the T.I.M. building in Via: “Ide pregai.” I understand the potential this storm could have on the mission you work for, the same mission that carries the message of Christ to the lost. This storm does not have to be the result of the work of Satan, but it will be if you chose the wrong response.

Your natural instinct is going to be to fight for, and protect, "the mission." Don't. I understand that response well. It is in all of us. It is a fear response, and a cowardly response. It comes from the dark places within you, from a place of insecurity and uncertainty. What if they sue? What if we are forced to shut down? That place is not of God. Many of you that are reading this know that I am speaking the truth because you feel it now in your hearts. If you feel that, speak up! You need to be heard. If you cowardly choose to fight, you won't win. Your systems, in oppressive methodical ways, have cognitively and behaviorally taught us MKs, who instinctively know when we are not valued, to be ferociously independent, resilient, resourceful survivors. We were taught well, most more than me. If you choose to fight against us, neither party wins in the end. It will just end in years of court and legal battles, ongoing stories of scandals, more and more bitter MKs and unforgiving supporters. And Satan will have won.

The place that is of God within you, where courage and acting in integrity comes from, and I believe this about you, is to respond with grieving hearts that take responsibility for the crimes committed against these ewe lambs of the Shepherd and for the negligent systems that could not protect their hearts.

If you haven’t yet read the G.R.A.C.E report on the abuse at Fanda, read it! You probably will want to avoid doing so, but don’t. Read it. Weep. Mourn for the loss of innocence. Rage at the injustice. Be broken before the LORD! What happened at Fanda also happened at Via, and many other schools run by the mission. Allow yourself to feel the crushing avalanche of untold stories and raw emotion that are finally escaping deaths shadows. Let it overwhelm you till you are drowning in it. That is the courageous response.

These voices, like the voices of your own children, have been silent for too long, the pain too deep, to remain silent. Step into their shoes, try to see life through the eyes of kids who never knew peace, only fear. Who lived a plastic Christian life on the outside, but lived in lonely darkness on the inside.

Come along side the wounded MKs. Encourage the imprisoned voices to finally be set free. Pray for them, cry with them, cheer for them, celebrate when another finds their voice to tell all and begin their journey of healing. Help them to find the clarity that they are OK and it was the system that was messed up, not the other way around. There are already a few in this forum who are modeling that for the rest of you, we praise God for their courage and integrity.
Repent and apologize. You don't know how powerful that is!

Take action. Encourage your mission to take action! There are many MKs who are grievously wounded. Use all available resources, and I mean all, to take care of the MKs you neglected long ago. Make MKs your mission’s priority. If you can't take care of the kids God entrusted to you, how will God honor you taking care of other business? That is the economy of the God that I know. Financially make yourself resourceful. Therapy and counseling is very expensive. Some have even had psychiatric hospitalizations and residential placements.

As a mission board, in light of what has transpired, leaders should immediately and decisively remove any perpetrators, offenders and negligent administrative staff from amongst your midst. We know who they are. If you don't, just ask. Your mission can't move forward with them. The damage is done. Their credibility is lost. They won't gain the trust of MKs, missionary candidates, nor regain the trust of supporters by harboring them in your midst. They must do it now and make it public.

Consult with MKs on how to fix the system. We are your greatest resource, and we have a lot of ideas. Procedures and practices regarding MKs and family life need overhauled immediately!
Encourage your mission to close boarding schools. There is not a Christian psychologist or Christian counselor anywhere that thinks boarding schools for kids is a good idea. As sad as that is to me, and a lot of us, I know it is true in my heart. MK schools where kids live with their real biological parents have more potential. However, even better and more importantly, put your mission’s resources into how they can support families on the field, with home school education resources, resources to encourage parent - child relationships, trained counselors/therapists, etc...

I pray that you read and listen to this posting with humility. I am hurting, I am healing, and I want to help. If you feel the same, join us on the fandaeagles.com site. Go to forums, and find the Vianopolis Forum. You can remain anonymous, but please show your support, share your story. Start there, and let God’s Spirit within you show you what He would have you do.

Sincerely,
Your Name/ Via MK


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 Post subject: Re: Dear Parents
PostPosted: Fri Oct 01, 2010 12:09 pm 
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Can you consider posting this wonderful letter to parents in miscellaneous because I think all MKs in all school can benefit from this.


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 Post subject: Re: Dear Parents
PostPosted: Fri Oct 01, 2010 1:11 pm 
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I would LOVE to see this letter posted to the front page of fandaeagles.com. Many people don't read the forums but check regularly for updates. Just yesterday I showed someone how to read the forums.

Everyone with any interest in this NTM situation needs to see this wonderul letter.


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 Post subject: Re: Dear Parents
PostPosted: Mon Oct 04, 2010 6:20 am 
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I just found the letter from hurt and hopefull here now. It was sent to me in Facebook and I responded and was encouraged to post it. I posted it yesterday in a new post, then I found the letter above and realized this is where I should have posted it. I did make a couple of changes.

Dear Hurt and hopeful,
Last month I read the Grace report. My heart was broken. Not only because I knew some of the adults involved but some of the children too. How could they do such a thing? How could the leaders in our mission actually allow these things to go on? They, of all people had the power to stop it and chose not to. I was very upset. It also got me thinking. I began to wonder how long they knew about it in Via before they intervened. I had assumed they were acting on completely new information. Now I know from reading in the Forum that it had been reported before and ignored. How maddening. I remember my daughter in 3rd grade crying and not wanting us to leave her in the dorm. I remember crying all the way back to Anapolis. I remember wanting to take her out of the school and teach her at home but my husband said “no, she would get used to it.” He had Frank and Joanne as dorm parents and he thought they were great. I gave in. I never felt welcome in the dorm by Frank but Joanne was always sweet. I trusted her completely.

I was so glad someone spoke up about Frank . Whoever spoke up and was responsible for getting Frank out of the dorm then I just want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for your courage. And I do mean COURAGE.

As the years passed my daughter opened up more about what happened to her. I can’t say any more about that as that is her story to tell. However both my kids have told me that they were glad they went to Via and have mostly fond remembrances of Via. If I was to do it again, I would wait till high school. at least. when I knew my kids would not be afraid to tell us anything that was going on. Of course, now with all the on line stuff and home schooling tools and helps I feel home schooling is definitely the way to go. Boarding schools are definitely not needed now with all we have available at our fingertips.

What I did do at the time, however, was try to make changes in the regime. I requested that we have go home visits every weekend for those families living close enough to do so. After all they were our kids and leaving them at the boarding school was for education purposes only so why couldn't they come home when there wasn’t any school. I was told it was not fair for those who couldn't go home. I felt that was pretty lame, after all they were my kids. So, we visited once a week instead. That didn’t go over too well with Frank, but Bucky and Joanne N were all for it when they got there.
When my daughter went into 7th gr. I put my foot down and wanted visits to continue every 3 weeks and not change to every 6 weeks. This time I won!
My best year in Brasil was the year that we were in the girls dorm. It was also my hardest year on the field. I saw first hand the real workings of Via. The rules that seemed to be there for no reason in particular. When I asked about them, no one seemed to know why the rule was there. That’s just the way it was. When I suggested changing it I was told to talk to Linda. She said it was there for a very good reason but could not tell me the reason just that it had to be that way. I was told by another staff that I better be careful about trying to change things because if not the “powers that be” would have us kicked out of the dorm.
They said it was best to be quiet and just go with the flow. Typically that is my way, but i was seeing too many injustices to the girls that I felt I needed to say something. So I continued, and sure enough we were kicked out of the dorm. Oh, they named off a list of accusations against us a mile long, which were untrue, and never gave us a chance to respond, but I always felt the real reason we were asked to leave was because I stuck up for the girls one too many times. We did finish out the year as they had no one to replace us but we were not allowed to come back for the second year that we had already agreed on. Incidentally one of the board members resigned after that. I was told it was because he disagreed with what was done.
Us Anapolis people considered starting a school amongst our group with the parents teaching different grades and subjects but it was shot down because there would not have been enough kids left at Via to make a school. Looking back I wonder why I allowed them to control me so. Don’t get me wrong, I like these people. I like them a lot. Were they right ? NO. Should things have been done differently? YES. Have I made mistakes? Most definitely. So If I have made mistakes can I harshly judge others who have also made mistakes. No.
Where is God in all this? God doesn’t say bad things won’t happen, He just promises to be there for us when we run to Him.

So, do I fight for the Mission? YES. Am I a coward ? NO. Do I condone what they did? NO NO. Do they need to make changes? Absolutely. Should those involved in the cover up be removed from position ? YES. Should the sex offenders be prosecuted? YES. But, as Jean Johnson always said “Don’t throw out the baby with the bathwater”. There a lot of good sincere people in NTM who have a real heart for the Lord. Will they make some mistakes along the way? Certainly. Can we forgive them? I hope so.
So what about those who have been hurt along the way by those who made mistakes and(worse) by those who chose to sin willfully? Only God can heal those wounds completely. An apology from the offenders will help and in some cases punishment needs to be meted out, counselling is helpful too, but only God can heal a broken and hurting heart.

Please don’t be bitter at the Mission. The bitterness will hurt you way more than them. Besides, it is not the mission that is bad, it was a generational culture. That’s right, a culture, the culture of a generation of people that grew up with, “Children are to be seen and not heard”, “Spare the rod spoil the child”, “Adults are right, even when their wrong”.....

A generation that grew up not talking about sex, let alone sexual sins. That’s how it was. Sex sins were hidden. Pregnant teenagers were sent away to a relatives till after the baby was born to hide the shame SHE brought on the family, even if the father of the baby was an uncle or your friends husband. Things were hidden. Not punished. These things have gone on (and continue to go on) for years and not just in boarding schools and missions, but in churches, families, communities, you name it. NTM is just a part of the evil world we live in. Do we have the right to condemn NTM? No more than we have the right to condemn the world. That is Gods job. Our job is to do the best we can to clean it, and ourselves, up. All this that is coming out right now may succeed in cleansing NTM and making it a better instrument in Gods hands than it ever has been before. Will it hurt? You bet. But it is a good hurt. A cleansing and correcting hurt. I know I need it sometimes in my heart and so does NTM.

Please don’t try to destroy them. God is at work through NTM despite its past and present sins. Just like you, and many others have been abused and hurt by people in the mission so has the mission been abused and hurt by the sins of people within it. I believe God can heal you and I believe God can heal the mission and use it once again for His purpose.

I will continue to pray for all those hurting to find healing in the Great Healer


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