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 Post subject: Re: Name that Pedophile
PostPosted: Mon Sep 27, 2010 6:25 pm 
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Posts: 169
sunshine: I had a response written for you and then I somehow got disconnected from the internet. Such a bummer. Anyway, I understand your conflict of emotions. This is why I held off for so long telling anyone about the abuse. My mom was best friends with Sonia. I was very close to Steve and Sonia. In fact, I wasn't close to my dad at the time and I secretly wished Steve was my dad instead. I felt loved by them because of the time they invested in me and the attention they gave me. So when the abuse started happening, it was so confusing to me. I felt it must be wrong but how could someone that loved me so much, do something that was wrong to me? I felt so confused and ashamed that I had allowed myself to feel so loved. Steve and Sonia were so giving and well-liked by many which is why some people just can't believe the truth. But it is all truth. And that's not even going into all the horrid details.


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 Post subject: Re: Name that Pedophile
PostPosted: Mon Sep 27, 2010 6:43 pm 
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Joined: Sat Jun 26, 2010 9:10 pm
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survivor wrote:
... [They] were so giving and well-liked by many. . .


Abusers are generally well liked. They are generally friendly, kind, warm. . . That is how they worm their way into people's lives, how they avoid suspicion and how they get a pass when they eventually get caught.

It so indescribably cruel and unfair.


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 Post subject: Re: Name that Pedophile
PostPosted: Mon Sep 27, 2010 6:50 pm 
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Posts: 39
Dear Survivor,

I'm so sorry for the abuse that you suffered at the hands of a relative, no less. I ache with deep pain for you and all the girls who suffered at his hands and am deeply grieved that he was/is allowed to continue working after such revelations. I know that we attended a church for a while were a man was "forgiven" for his infidelity and within a year, was put back in leadership. We left the church. He then committed his infidelity again and has now left the ministry of that church. In our rush to "forgive" and "restore", many predators are not being held accountable for their actions and being "restored" way too fast. In fact, I believe that once someone commits an act of sexual abuse or infidelity, they are should never be restored to ministry. Yes, they can serve the Lord, but to be put in position of leadership? No. Never. They have disqualified themselves. It is unthinkable that any mission board or church should allow the person to ever serve in a position of authority, but it happens over and over again, because of this "forgive" and "restore" teaching.

Big hug, dear friend. I love you and you know that I am always here for you.

Memories


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 Post subject: Re: Name that Pedophile
PostPosted: Mon Sep 27, 2010 7:37 pm 
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Posts: 223
Dear Survivor,

Your ability to speak so frankly about what happened to you is a testimony to many years of healing and counseling. But all of it started with telling your parents (and being believed, I might add!), reporting the perpetrator, and seeking the help you needed.

How sad, and frustrating, it must be to know Steve Armour is still at large--working with young people, no less. It's terribly unfair, and terribly sad. I believe this is one more step necessary for the Mission to see that their method of dealing with these issues is NOT working!! Major changes need to occur, and they need to start occurring NOW (as in yesterday!)

I want to say that I also acknowledge what this abuse, and the reporting of it, has done to your family. When the perp is well know, respected, and influential, it will certainly break a family apart, as everyone will take one side or the other. My prayer is that family members will see, once and for all, the seriousness of this crime, the effect it had on you and the other victims, and see it all for what it is! I pray that the truth will set you free!

Love you, friend. Proud of you, too!!

Hurt-n-Hopeful


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 Post subject: Re: Name that Pedophile
PostPosted: Mon Sep 27, 2010 10:23 pm 
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Joined: Sun Sep 19, 2010 9:34 pm
Posts: 75
Just googling steve armour brought up a quote he gave "Effective Evangelism". I let them know that they might want to stop quoting him . . .


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 Post subject: Re: Name that Pedophile
PostPosted: Mon Sep 27, 2010 10:32 pm 
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I am one of the other victims of Steve Armour. My sexual abuse first happened after Survivor’s when I was in 3rd grade. At least that is the first time he molested me. However, I am sure the grooming happened much sooner. The Armours were fun to be with, they took you camping, played monster, and had such a fun kid environment it was hard not to like it there. But when the abuse happened, I too had the feeling that Survivor and many other victims will have. “Is this wrong? Why would someone who loves me, hurt me? I can’t tell, he told me not to.” Our mom was so close to Sonia, that I didn’t want to be responsible for breaking up the family or hurting people’s feelings. The problem with this is that it wasn’t my actions or me... I was the victim. The aftermath of abuse is due to the actions (sins) of the abusers. I still didn’t understand full well what had happened but I know I didn’t like being around Steve so I started to separate myself from them as much as I could. Like Survivor, even though I was out of reach, he still looked at me and said things that were inappropriate or tried to belittle me in front of others. The scary thing is that when he abused me sexually it was always “out in the open.” It was never alone in a room with the door closed...that is how skilled he was as an abuser. The sexual abuse occurred from when I was 8 years old until about 11. My parents found out when I was in 10th grade on furlough. That is when the Armours were kicked off the field and then they went against their home churches’ advice, refused professional counseling and returned to Brazil to start a new ministry.
I used to think I would take this information with me to the grave. I thought I would never tell, worried that I would hurt others by the truth. I pretended that all was well, that “we were the perfect missionary family, that I was the perfect missionary kid, and that all would be fine.” I wasn’t fine! Even after it was known (within the family) that I was abused I still didn’t feel that I was allowed to be pissed off about it. There didn’t seem to be a safe place for me to scream, cry, yell profanities, and be angry about what happened. It is important to be able to go through these natural and healthy steps to heal. However, it is important that victims get counseling and start to heal so that they don’t remain in a state of anger and only think of themselves as victims. There is too much hope for us to remain is such a bleak state!

About Sonia: I feel sorry for her. She didn’t ask to have a husband who would do these things to children. I am sure she has questions and feels hurt. And for that I am sorry. However, she has defended Steve and his decisions to run from his sin. She is essentially an accomplice.

About Steve. Yes, it pains me that he has hurt so many that we know of (and perhaps more we don’t know of). Many think I am bitter and upset and won’t let this “issue” rest. To those people I would like to say this: What about who hurt Steve? What hurt was caused in his young life that he now acts out against others? Doesn’t anyone want him to find healing for the hurt and sins done against him as a child? He refuses to get godly accountability and extensive counseling. His ministry is “too important” to get help with his sexual sin and to find healing in his own hurts. It is so sad!

I am sure it isn’t easy to be in any of these situations. The Victim, The Abuser, The
Accomplice, but each of them can find hope and healing! The victim needs to learn that what used to be coping mechanism (survival skills) can become habits of sin, the abuser needs to realize the pattern of sexual sin and find true accountability and healing by a godly leader, the accomplice needs to know that loyalty is to the Truth and not to a person.

PS. Sunshine, I too was helped by Sonia with the Challenge Center. I will forever be grateful for the help she provided for me in that area of my life.


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 Post subject: Re: Name that Pedophile
PostPosted: Mon Sep 27, 2010 10:43 pm 
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Via-Alum,

You show incredible grace and understanding, even while sharing the story of your own abuse. Wow!

Thank you for sharing. I know your story will help others!


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 Post subject: Re: Name that Pedophile
PostPosted: Mon Sep 27, 2010 10:51 pm 
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According to what "Survivor" has shared, Sonia was more concerned about "appearances" than reality . . . .

That's too bad . . .another adult I thought "positive" bites the dust . . . .

Geez . . . the abuse WAS systemic, wasn't it?????????!!!!!!!!!!


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 Post subject: Re: Name that Pedophile
PostPosted: Mon Sep 27, 2010 11:07 pm 
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Joined: Sun Sep 19, 2010 9:34 pm
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I know we can find a godly prison guard in Natal---don't you think?


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 Post subject: Re: Name that Pedophile
PostPosted: Tue Sep 28, 2010 12:08 am 
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Joined: Tue Aug 31, 2010 2:58 am
Posts: 51
In the first post on this topic Survivor said --
This has been mentioned in another post too but an abuser does not just change their actions. It's an addiction which will continue to happen unless they get intensive godly counsel and have major accountability set up in their lives.

A (definitely non-Christian) professional counselor/professor I know asked his students "When is a pedophile healed/ready to leave therapy?" The answer he gave is - "never" The other day a friend told me about a pedophile she knows about who is remorseful for his actions and publicly announced (in the newspaper I think) that he is a pedophile. He wanted it publicly known and set himself under others to keep him from doing it again. He thinks that otherwise, he will do it again.

As a Christian, I think it is possible for someone to repent and feel true sorrow for the sin. Perhaps the temptation will lessen in strength with counsel to help them deal with what lies behind that particular temptation in their life, but I doubt it will ever go away. Indulging it for so long makes it even less likely. I think if a pedophile truly repents they will do what this man did. He/she will make sure that they are in a position where they aren't around the children who tempt them and that there are others who will guard him/her from those situations.


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