Thank you, Conflicted and Survivor, for your comments. It is important, as you have said, to state what you KNOW, not just what you have heard! I appreciate your candor in this matter!
My brother recently called up an old dorm parent (and current NTM member), from Via, and talked to him about a beating he got years and years ago! Can you imagine the fear in his heart- wondering how that person would react, and still wanting to face the 'demons' in his past, to stop carrying the pain? That dorm dad did not remember this event, but he quickly and humbly asked for my brother's forgiveness. They went on to have a long, healing conversation. My brother called me Saturday to tell me about the phone call (at my request) and I heard a noticeable difference in him. He had confronted someone who hurt him, had been asked forgiveness, and had given it!
As adults, we can all look at our own actions, and sometimes they aren't so pretty either. Triggered by stress, physical problems (headaches, lack of sleep, chronic pain), or grief, we can act harshly, say hateful things, and be (yes!) abusive, even though we know it is wrong. Okay, so I can only speak for myself. When I lost my daughter, there were days, as I was healing from the hurt that it caused, that I acted in a way that I had to, afterwards, ask forgiveness for. I call that the "ugly side of grief." And still, I must admit, we are responsible for our own actions, and must deal with the consequences of them, regardless of what instigated that behavior.
So, if you are able, please call or write to the person that has harmed you. Ask them if they remember the incident and allow them an opportunity to ask your forgiveness. You can't imagine the weight that will be lifted from your shoulders, and from your soul!
Please know I am not advocating you contact someone who has sexually abused you or repeatedly physically harmed you. There is a different protocol altogether for dealing with those issues! (First, tell someone you trust--if no one else, at least G.R.A.C.E). Physically abusive people and pedophiles will rarely, if ever, admit what they have done. They will often blame their victims, and shirk any personal responsibility.
Survivor, I appreciate your insight regarding the major interventions needed to recuperate a sexual predator/offender! (See "Name that Pedophile" thread) You are spot on!
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