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PostPosted: Tue Sep 21, 2010 6:51 pm 
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I saw a message on another thread that said the poster was a friend of someone who was abused, and was just finding out. So I wanted to start a whole new thread for those of us who have friends and loved ones that were abused at Via.

I was at Via for 6 months as a 20 year old. I was a young, very naive associate with NTM. I was asked to teach in the lower elementary grades, so I did. I remember every single one of my students' names. I loved my students dearly. I still can see their little faces in my mind today.

I think this is why this subject of abuse at Via is so hard for me. I was feeling selfish. After all, I'm not an MK. The abuse didn't happen to me. Why was I so upset, besides the outrage I would feel that something so heinous would happen, especially in a Christian environment.

Well, I realized last night, it's because I cared very much for my students. I loved teaching them, being part of their lives. I had an idealistic view of NTM and the work there at Via.

And now, I am sad and grieving for my students, who are no longer young and who endured abuse for many years. I am sad that I did not notice signs of abuse. I am sad that I didn't help.

So for all of you who are friends and loved ones, I wanted to start a thread so you could post as well. And I hope I don't add to anyone's pain by starting this.


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PostPosted: Tue Sep 21, 2010 10:12 pm 
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MrsM,
Thank you for beginning this new thread. As a spouse of a Via MK I find myself unsure of what to say or how to say anything that would be helpful. At times I'm at a loss of words. And sometimes, when I least expect it, I'm overcome with tears and sorrow at the shame and abuse my husband, his family, his friends had to endure. The old and ugly stuff is resurfacing in his memories and it's amazing how much he didn't allow himself to remember. It's no surprise that one of his favorite songs is "Uprising" by Muse. The album is named "The Resistance".

~Supporting


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PostPosted: Tue Sep 21, 2010 11:43 pm 
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I laid a wake last night wondering why I found myself unable to sleep and take my mind off of what I have been reading here on this forum, especially, what pertains to Vianópolis-Brasil.

… I was never a student at Via… I have not been to Via in ages… We have no ties with Via…We are not members of MNTB at Via…

But… I then remembered that once upon a time… I would yearly sojourn to Via… I lived in Via… I taught at Via… I was a member of MNTB at Via… My children studied at Via…I had friends at Via… I had loved ones at Via...We were one big extended family that Jesus said we would have as served Him… at Via…

I guess that is why it hurts terribly…”family” members--many of you sharing on this forum--were hurting beyond what words can express and we never even knew! I am truly sorry!

Once upon a time…when missionaries were hurting and being unjustly treated ...At Via... We went several times to the EC and FC to pleaded on “family members” behalves for… justice…reversal of decisions… for compassion… for the love of Jesus to prevail… 100% of those times we were shrugged and shunned and given no “ear”… We know the feeling of being unjustly treated and rejected!

So once again… we call on the FC of the East Brazil field of the Missão Novas Tribos Do Brasil to sit up and take notice of what is taking place here… Why wait for another GRACE report… You have read it …You know the procedures… You know what needs to be done…So… DO IT!!! …For the sake of “Family”… for the sake of “little ones” who are deeply torn and battered and are hurting…Waiting for you men to sit up with a backbone and say:

“We failed you once…but this time…

Doe quem doer, faremos aquilo que for necessário para corrigir nossas falhas, erros e pecados… Restituiremos aquilo que for necessário para que as pessoas lesadas possam começar um processo verdadeiro de cura interior…Tomaremos passos garantindo que esses tipos de abusos jamais se repitam…

Façam!!! ...pelo amor que vocês querm os seus filhos e netos! Façam!!! ...pelo amor que vocês tem pelas tribos não alcançadas! Façam!!! ...pelo amor que vocês DEVEM ter pelo os nossos irmãos e irmãs que têm sofrido todos esses anos porque pessoas que ocupam o cargo que vocês hoje representam não tiveram a corajem de tratar pecado como derveriam! Façam!!! ...pelo amor de Deus!!!!


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PostPosted: Thu Sep 23, 2010 4:29 pm 
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Elijah III wrote:
I guess that is why it hurts terribly…”family” members--many of you sharing on this forum--were hurting beyond what words can express and we never even knew! I am truly sorry!

“We failed you once…but this time…

So well put, Elijah.

I do feel I failed my little students. I am appalled that I did not recognize the signs of abuse beyond "That man seems very strange..."

I have shared this story with my husband and he is equally as disgusted that this abuse occurred under the hands of NTM.

My Dear Former Students, I grieve with you and for you. I am so heart-broken that people I looked up to as a very young missionary-in-training were not living as ambassadors of Christ, but rather seekers of themselves.

As Supporting said, it is difficult to know how to help, what to say. But I want you all here to know that I hear you, I believe you, and what you are doing in seeking justice and protection for all the other innocent would-be victims is completely right.

The story of a letter being read re: Frank's dismissal from the Little Dorm is, unfortunately, the status quo for many 'Christian' organizations. It is exactly what my former church did when a father outright confessed he was molesting his daughter... He read an "I'm sorry" letter and was back in the fold. Meanwhile, the daughter continued to be a victim.

I am hopeful that by your efforts here and all throughout the fields of NTM who have had abuse of any kind towards children especially, that the door is open wide for ALL Christian organizations to be swept clean from this type of deviant behavior, and not only that, but for the LEADERS to truly know and understand how criminal it is to cover up these things.


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PostPosted: Thu Sep 23, 2010 8:49 pm 
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As a mom to mk’s and a wife to an mk I consider myself to be an mk by adaption. My home land is not my home and my friends and family are almost all Indians or people who work in ntm. I suffered a lot to adapt myself to ntm policies and to the way they do things. I watched people being ask to leave that didn’t meet up to ntm standards. People feared the leaders in training and that fear grew as time passed. We learned to stay to ourselves and suffer quietly and maybe they wouldn’t pick on us like we saw them often doing to other people. After 30 years of hiding in the hidden places of Brasil….I know what was happening to our family and to my children. I finally understand what was happening to our friends and their families. We all took it quietly for fear that the leaders would notice us and start in on us too. Thankyou , mk’s from Fanda’ for speaking up… I am hearing my children really talking about things that went on in the dorms for the first time. I never knew what happened that Frank Parker was removed from the dorm because they never told the field members much less the children. I am asking my children forgiveness for putting them in the dorms. They are beginning to forgive my husband and I for not home schooling them. They are angry and I glad they are beginning to remember the reason for their strong feelings when they talk about Brasil and the dorm. I am tired of a life of hard work and sadness and wish that I could have shared those cares with someone. I wish my children would have had a safe haven to grow and study in. Instead I am hearing of extreme spankings….dirty looks of distain and dorm dads watching them take their bathes. I was sick for days after reading the Grace report because it happened to my husband years ago, it happened again to my husband and I and it happened to our children. Some of the mk’s I have talked to had a great time at Via without any major problems but most have a story to tell. They are suffering still as they open up and tell their deepest fears and darkest secrets. It is so much easier to say when ask “how are you?” ….”JUST FINE!” It is time we have a heart to heart talk, don’t you think???


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PostPosted: Thu Sep 23, 2010 9:44 pm 
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MKmama,

Your post brought tears to my eyes.

I wanted to encourage you as you work through this painful issue in your family that your children are already 100% ahead because you BELIEVE them! You aren't sweeping it under the rug, like some of the MKs here have mentioned their parents doing. You aren't asking them to "forgive and forget" what happened to them. You are seeking their forgiveness and by that, helping them to heal.


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PostPosted: Thu Sep 23, 2010 10:05 pm 
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Mkmama, it brought tears to my eyes too, thank you so much for listening to your kids and thank you for dealing with it rather than just feeling guilt and doing nothing.


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PostPosted: Thu Sep 23, 2010 11:30 pm 
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MKmama-

Thank you. I know that wasn't easy.

For a long time, I blamed you, because I needed you and you weren't there. I knew you had such a passion to reach the Indians with the Gospel, and yet, I needed you too. When I cried for you in the dorm, or just needed my mommy, I had to do it in secret. If anyone saw me, they'd tell me "stop being a baby. Your parents are busy teaching people God's Word. You don't want to distract them from that, do you?" So, I learned to cry silently. I cried at night and smiled in the morning. If I pretended everything was okay, then nobody would bother me and I could get through another day. I remember waiting for those phone calls, which would come, inevitably, during supper or during sports on the quadra, and I would run halfway across the land to the nearest long distance phone. I liked it when the calls came to the Ebenezer wash house or to the Jancitsky's, because then I knew it was private and nobody was listening in. We'd count the days to the end of school, and when the date came near that you were to arrive, my ears were tuned to Dad's diesel engine, and I would run to see if it was him. Finally, you would arrive, and we were anxious to tell you all the things we had kept to ourselves for several months. However, we would sit around the Refei table, usually at supper time, and you would be so excited, telling us about this or that, this exciting trip, or that person came to know Christ as Savior. And in all the excitement, we kids would silently look at each other and agree to keep our problems to ourselves. It just didn't seem right to tell you what a rough time we were having when you were so excited about what God was doing in the tribe. We were just soaking in the sight of you, feeling safe and whole and right. The worries faded away a bit, and life was manageable again.

Do you remember how I always cried when we left the Indian tribe before heading back to school? The emotion was me gearing up for what it was going to take to survive. It wasn't all bad at Via, but life is awfully hard to handle without someone you trust to help you sort things out.

As I grew older, the hardest thing was knowing that you had problems of your own, and that you couldn't tell anyone. That would mean being disciplined or ridiculed, or drilled in front of a room full of judgmental, angry men. To protect you, I carried the burden, again, silently. I just couldn't understand how a Mission board that was all about saving souls could sacrifice the well being of the souls it employed! There was no sense of share your burden, get Godly counsel, get help with your problems. It was ALWAYS discipline, always harsh, and always devastating!

My senior year, I cried, it seemed for the whole last month. I was so emotionally unprepared for the next phase in my life. I had great friends, and had figured out how to live in that environment...I didn't know the slightest thing about making decisions for my future. I was scared, and never more alone as I started college. I'm thankful you were there that first year. I made some great friends that first year, and I remember feeling so strange about sharing my feelings, or having an opinion about something. My friends shared their feelings, their experiences so freely, and I struggled to get beyond "I'm an MK." I couldn't really even say what that was because really, that didn't say much about me, but more about what my parents did. I always felt like I had to have an answer- a definite plan, even though really I didn't have a clue. It took me a long time to just be able to say, "I'm not really sure what I'm going to do" or "I don't really know."

So eventually, I finished school and became a teacher. I loved teaching, but the main reason I chose to be a teacher, and not a doctor, was because I wanted to stay at home with my kids. I wanted a family and somehow, being a physician, with that much debt and that crazy schedule just didn't seem to fit what I felt most strongly about: Kids belong with their parents! When I became a mom, I just couldn't imagine sending my son away to a boarding school a thousand miles away from me to be raised by "God-knows-who!"

Then, God saw fit to give me a daughter, and I thought, "wow, what a special thing this will be." And in the same instant, at that 20 week ultrasound, they told me that my daughter would not live. And that day I cried. I cried for the little girl inside me. I cried for the little girl inside myself. I just wondered, through my tears, how many more things God was going to ask me to give up! I grieved for the relationship that had not developed fully with my parents, the result of too much separation. I grieved for the relationship I would not have with my daughter. People said to me, "Your faith is so strong. You so easily accept the suffering God allows." And I would think, "they don't know the half of it. My whole life, I've given up, given up. I'm tired. But what choice do I have?" The only thing that is certain is God's presence with me. The only thing that I know without a shadow of a doubt is His love for me.

Thinking about what comes next, I have to wonder if the years you spent serving the LORD under the leadership of NT was worth the price you paid. I feel sorry for you, that you never experienced the joy of serving the LORD together with other people who had as much concern for your soul, and the souls of your kids, as they did for the souls of the lost. I'm sad, and I'm angry, and I'm mortified at the way my friends and family have been treated. It's shameful and disgusting and evil. Thank God that He can do something with the terrible messes we make. That's our only hope right now...

I love you, mom!


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PostPosted: Fri Sep 24, 2010 5:49 am 
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Wow HnH and MKmama you guys are showing a lot of courage. That is very inspiring. Thank you for being sol real and transparent, that is a very precious, healing moment you allowed us to see. What a beautiful example for us all.


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PostPosted: Fri Sep 24, 2010 3:57 pm 
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Thanks MKmama:

Love you and your family . . . Thanks for posting!!


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