MK forum

I made quite a faux pas my first week at Via, I wore skirts with slits. The first day of classes my dorm mother went to my room, gathered up all the offending items, and sewed up the slits. Very carefully, with the little dorm's dorm mother to bolster her, she told me what she did. The skirts looked better and I was grateful to not have to do the sewing myself. But it felt a little weird that she altered my stuff without asking first. And, apparently everyone else was in on the action, because I felt the whole dorm breathe easier after I passed that test.

It taught me to take caution in strange places. To be quiet, to wait and see about other's reactions before I dared to react. To follow, not to lead . . .to not show anger. Any misgivings you had were not to be investigated, that was dangerous.

Paranoia has been part of my life ever since. My antidepressant helps it a lot, but I'm just now learning the power of words. It's hard to talk when you can't trust.

I can understand this feeling very well. I, also, am a follower, though I know I could be a leader if I just had more confidence in myself.

I find myself always watching to see what people's reactions are before sharing my opinion. In a way, it is a mechanism of defense...protecting yourself before the fact. Sad, isn't it?

There is certainly a downside to the other extreme as well...

Trust me!

It's always difficult to find the golden mean, and doubly so when our lives have been adversely influenced by such traumatic events. In fact, that is kind of what the title of this thread implies: Out of one ditch, into the other. Is it any wonder?

I think forums like this are good for all of us, and I appreciate all those who have posted.

The way I see it, I'll always be the outsider. I have no frame of reference to normalcy as it applies here in the U.S. So, I just embrace my eccentricities and go with it. I actually received more odd looks from trying to fit in than from being my normal weird self. Luckily I live in an urban setting where people are forced to appreciate (or tolerate) differences. And, as MK's, aren't we used to being viewed as the strange one. We were strangers in another country and now we are strangers in our own. As an aside, I don't want to be "normal" if what I see around me is considered normal. It seems more contrived and restrictive than anything. Being different is freeing.

threewillows, yeah I guess you're right that it probably started out as trying to fit in. I gave that up a long time ago. But I think it's more of being so cautious that you distrust more then you trust. Making your own way, because anything else is likely to be disrupted by external forces, such as parents or field committees. Read your Bible before sleeping, pray to God you're not making an awful mistake, and hope for the best. A rational, non-emotionally shaming conversation with an adult missionary was out of the realms of something to be wished for . . .

I know as MK's we were bullied to tow the line, not even allowed to be normal children and make normal mistakes. Bound by someone's interpretation of what was right or wrong. We are not that child anymore! We are not under their control! We do not have to live like that! Think how much freedom a person has just letting go. Does it really matter what other people think? I discovered long ago that I couldn't please everyone, much less the people that were close to me. We were taught that to please ones self was selfish. But really, how are you to know if you are not tuned into your conscience? The standards set for us as a child and onward are so high that the people that sit in judgement don't even measure up themselves. They are pathetic. You are accountable to God and only to God. What a freeing idea! Only one! It's easy then.

I tell my children that if they have a problem with someone and are doing the right thing according to their conscience, then the problem lies with the other person.

Let it go. We are not going to fit in. I wouldn't want to. Look how much stress these people around you are living in...trying to keep up with the Jones, trying to BE someone. I love having the freedom to change. We constantly evolve and that's a good thing. Moving forward. Comfort in the knowledge that we are made in His image. Nothing more is necessary.

Sounds like NTM may be about to reach the world in ways they had not planned.
Some of us went on a "trip" we never planned to take.
And would not like to repeat.
There are others still onboard.
Cannot fathom that......
Some after repeated "incidents."

"A trip we never planned to take" that sums it up.

I thought our family had signed up for an adventure cruise. It turned out to be the Titanic. It was dark and we hit something Icy cold, which no one saw until to late. Then as the band played on and on, it was first class men to the lifeboats, women and children fend for yourselves.

Bemused you are so right....and the plaque on the side of each life boat those arrogant men got in to said
"Selfish Egocentric Bast#ds".

They got off on being the "big white man" in the bush.......how pathetic.....shows how seriously messed up they were. Then couldn't understand why people wouldn't take their sh#t when they disembarked back on the dry land of the real world. All those NTM men running around trying to play the old game in their home country....everyone thought they were misfits and couldn't stay far enough away from them.

Makes me shudder