MK forum

I've been bothered by cognitive dissonance ALOT. If you've never heard the phrase don't feel bad--I have no recollection of when I first read about it, but I know that it was more recently.

For those of you who believe that it's all psycho-babble, that's fine.

I'm seeking to understand some of the weirdness, the evil, the not-so-evil that has come from this life of growing up in a black and white world, but then being an adult in a complex, ever-changing reality.

It's easier on our brains to vilify anyone associated with NTM. But if we want real change we are going to have to explore some of these complexities. Ideally, Scott Kennell should be interviewed. Les Emory as well.

If you google the phrase Cognitive Dissonance with missionary, you will come up with some references to Catholics, lots of references to Mormons, and a few Protestant sites.

I like what this guy says in regards to abuse:

http://cryingoutforjustice.com/2012/07/ ... /#comments


If you don't have access to the link and want me to post it, just let me know.
Thanks for listening.

What beliefs have you run into that make your brain go haywire?

Oh, that article makes a lot of sense.

A current illustration of this phenomenon is in the Tom Randall case. Tom cannot bring himself to believe that the Filipino men he trusted to staff his orphanage in the Philippines (while he lived in the States most of the year) were actually abusing and trafficking the children he loves. So he has to say that the children are lying, that his missionary friend who tried to alert him to the abuse is actually his enemy, and that the Filipino staff members are 100% innocent. He is so invested in this now that he has paid an astronomical sum of money to bail the two Filipino men out of jail, and has hired some very high-powered lawyers to defend them.

I'm sure there are personal examples from my own life I could cite, but it is much more comfortable to point the finger at someone else.

Still mulling over this excellent article.

This may be a way to understand the estrangement from parents that many MKs experience.

When you are told that while you were busy serving God on the mission field, a trusted co-worker violated and wounded your precious child, this creates a HUGE cognitive dissonance for you.

Some people many not be capable of sorting this out in their heads and hearts. I am not trying to make excuses for these self-righteous parents who lack the strength and the courage to re-examine their own choices, their faith and their mission.

Or am I?

I don't know. But a lot of missionary parents I know fit the scenario painted by the writer of that blog.

It is too painful to question everything I've given my life for. The easiest solution is to turn my back on my child, so I can continue my life without disruption.

That sounds awful, but isn't that what a lot of parents have done?

You've gotta see this:

http://www.disgracepointonline.org/2014 ... nance.html

Yes, good illustration.

I have to tell you, Allbetter, I am still thinking about cognitive dissonance ... a lot ... and have forwarded that blog post to several people.

So thank you!

And Bemused is going to be disappointed you got off your bicycle.

Thanks Raz! It takes it a bit beyond just "They're a bunch of hypocrites." I'm listening to an audiobook now called, You are Now Less Dumb by David McRaney, all about the delusions we tell ourselves to keep us sane.

I can't help but feel that life was easier around our all-white campfire, singing rhythmic chanting songs.

I hope Bemused hasn't had to do any self-surgery yet.

There was a time when men were kind
When their voices were soft
And their words inviting
There was a time when love was blind
And the world was a song
And the song was exciting
There was a time
Then it all went wrong

I dreamed a dream in time gone by
When hope was high
And life worth living
I dreamed that love would never die
I dreamed that God would be forgiving

Then I was young and unafraid
So dreams were made and used and wasted
There was no ransom to be paid
No song unsung
No wine untasted

But the tigers come at night
With their voices soft as thunder
As they tear your hope apart
And they turn your dream to shame

He slept a summer by my side
He filled my days with endless wonder
He took my childhood in his stride
But he was gone when autumn came
And still I dream he'll come to me
That we will live the years together
But there are dreams that cannot be
And there are storms we cannot weather

I had a dream my life would be
So different from this hell I'm living
So different now from what it seemed
Now life has killed
The dream I dream

My version:

Then I was young, and so afraid
Afraid of men, afraid of God

So many songs we weren't allowed to sing
So many places we could not go

Placed bizarrely in a world
Where men thought the same and yet still fought

Chastised for dreaming
Our futures ransomed

We knew God was unforgiving
And shame would be the price

Life has held few dreams for me.