MK forum

News flash from Planet NTM:

Our intrepid reporter has just checked in from his post outside the NTM Headquarters on the banks of the lovely Saint Johns River. Here is his report.

At a hastily called news conference today, NTM's spokesperson announced that several members of the Executive Board had been injured by undotted i's falling through the cracks in their policy.

"Among a whole lot of other things, these undotted i's have added greatly to the need for further review of our policy," said the spokesperson. "They seem to have caused a general uproar, unlike anything we've had since, well... oh, since last week, when there was also an uproar."

When asked about whether or not the latest fine missionary to be accused of having his hand in the cookie jar, so to speak, would finally be dismissed, NTM's spokesperson said, "I'm not quite sure who the latest one is. There have been so many."

Further impudent questions from the ungodly press finally persuaded the NTM spokesperson to maintain that NTM only follows best practices, their own policy and the Bible. "Mostly," he said. "Unless it slips through the cracks. 'Specially the Bible."

Questions were also raised about retired missionaries who might have stolen a few cookies "undetected," but have been happily retired, munching on cakes from their retirement parties. "Let them eat cake," he said. "Or, as we say around here, 'That's the way the cookie crumbles.'"

Firmly maintaining that NTM wasn't really clear on how to handle stolen cookies prior to their 1997 Grace Restoration, he promised change at some unspecified time in the future, probably during the Millennium. "Unless we still have our current House Counsel. In that case, it's up for grabs. The cookies, I mean. LOL" he said in an aside, letting a few more things slip through the cracks. Referencing the more recent Grace Repression movement, NTM's spokesperson said that, once they get the cookies crumbs off the floor, all instances of stealing cookies will be speedily dealt with. "No more parties," he promised.

"It's the least we can do," he remarked. "And we always do the least we can do. We are NTM."

Will the intrepid reporter be traveling to NTM Australia, to see how "the Rookie Tumbles"?
I hear that so many "I's" have fallen through the cracks it is becoming an I-sore.

There seems to be some question that has come up
As to whether this thread advocates

Adopting a triber or
Adapting one of the same.

Either would be quite the challenge.

And Bemused is being cited
For not adopting the

Twotwo is Tootoo Rule

Pull out all the stops!!!

until I

Thanks

Good one Shary!

Tragic Accident on I-4 snarls traffic for hours

Mystery surrounds circumstances resulting in box of cookies thrown under the bus

Florida State Troopers responding to an accident on I-4 near Sanford today found a bus owned and operated by the New Tribes Mission blocking traffic in the south bound lanes. Adding tragedy to the rush hour snarl, a box of cookies was found thrown under the bus.

"Evidently, the driver was trying to go two ways at once," said a trooper at the scene. "His control of the bus became disjointed and he lost direction." No injuries were reported among the passengers; only the cookies were lost.

The bus was transporting about thirty employees of the spiritually giant corporation to an Orange Pickers Convention in Miami Beach. All of the cookies had been left behind in the care of children who had been given strict instructions to keep their hands out of the cookie jar.

New Tribes Mission has hired independent investigators to determine whose responsibility it was to protect the cookies found under the bus. A final report is expected to be issued midway through the Great Tribulation.

A New Tribes Mission employee, speaking on condition of anonymity, said that many employees were unhappy about the cookies that had been thrown under the bus. However, top management at the posh corporate headquarters, while expressing sorrow at the loss of any cookies, anywhere, said, "Actually, those were not really cookies. They were only former cookies. We call them 'crumbs.'"

Company documents leaked by disgruntled employees indicate that children caught with their hands in the cookie jar generally are required to quietly retire. A few, however, who have tried to have their cake and eat it, too, have been forced to resign. Dismissal is reserved for those who are caught committing clearer cut violations of the principles found in the Orange Pickers' Manual, such as shoplifting.

Meanwhile, the company has remained mum on the qualifications of the bus driver. "He was chosen according to best practices and the Orange Pickers' Manual," said Rad Sass, a member of the Board of Directors, adding, "If you think the bus was out of control now, you should have seen it before he was at the helm!"

New Tribes Mission is a multi-national corporation specializing in picking oranges in far flung corners of the orchard. Recently, however, an increasing share of their resources have been devoted to cookies and legal defense.



Coming tomorrow: An exclusive report from Canberra, Australia on Crossview Cookies (Australia), Ltd.

I'm eagerly awaiting the next episode in this unfolding saga. My compliments to the intrepid reporter, such classy reporting .