MK forum

Much is making sense . . . Trying not to vilify lately, but then BJU throws that at us.

Bemused, this subject heading seems a bit too much to even me. I've been wanting to change it. Maybe "Saying Good-bye Has Been a Less Favorite Activity of My MK Life?" Tiring not to dramatize or understate is a confessed problem to this new writer.

No, I am not suicidal. Depressed? Um, well, hmmmm. My therapist, (yes, a real one with a doctorate from Loyola) felt at my last appointment, that I should journal about losses. You guys have gamely come along. Am going to resort now to quotes on good-byes that are perhaps less painful to hear coming from acclaimed authors. Damn, they are still painful to me.


“I hope no one who reads this book has been quite as miserable as Susan and Lucy were that night; but if you have been - if you've been up all night and cried till you have no more tears left in you - you will know that there comes in the end a sort of quietness. You feel as if nothing is ever going to happen again.”
― C.S. Lewis, The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe

“I was trying to feel some kind of good-bye. I mean I’ve left schools and places I didn’t even know I was leaving them. I hate that. I don’t care if it’s a sad good-bye or a bad good-bye, but when I leave a place I like to know I’m leaving it. If you don’t you feel even worse.”
― J.D. Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye

[“This is a long goodbye, yet not time enough. I have no aptitude for this. I cannot learn this. I would hold on, and hold on, until my hands clutch at emptiness.”
― Juliet Marillier, Son of the Shadows/i]

My religious upbringing tells me I should give it to God. Too much striving is not "letting go and letting God."

[i]“There's nothing more difficult than saying goodbye to a house where you've suffered.”
― Vasily Grossman, Life and Fate

You think that time in your life is gone, but it comes back. My esteemed counselor says I need rituals to help with ending eras of my life. Do you have any good ones? Tattoos?

Farewell has a sweet sound of reluctance. Good-by is short and final, a word with teeth sharp to bite through the string that ties past to the future.”
― John Steinbeck, The Winter of Our Discontent

[i][“I didn't know how to say goodbye. Words were stupid. They said so little. Yet they opened up holes you could fall into and never climb out of again.”
― Ann Rinaldi, A Stitch in Time/i]

“... I looked through the car's rear window for a final wave, and it felt like someone had invaded my chest and squeezed all the juice out of my heart until it was a tiny dry sponge.”
― Karen Tayleur, Love Notes From Vinegar House


I'm done now. Please carry on with outrage, comfort, jokes,

What I like about your posts is that they have raw honesty, because you are daring to explore who you are, who you were and where you want to go.
Not many people come here and admit they don't go to church and even that they don't like people telling them they are praying for them. So that is a brave thing to do and an honest feeling to relay.
Your posts have meaning because you let us glimpse into your world of nursing, therapy, the ups and the downs.

We're all here because we have a common thread in our past and we have gone on to do something about that common thread.

I'm with you on the being prayed for thing. How can someone say they are praying for me when all as they see is glimpses of who I really am? It sounds more like I've just been put in the too hard basket and the old cliché fob off has been trotted out. And what are they praying for anyway? That I'll find peace, my tattoos will fade away, I'll never drink again or that I'll return to the one true fold and be a good girl?
It's like getting lots of likes on your facebook page, whoop didy doo!!!!! Sure go ahead and pray for me, just don't tell me that you are doing it, because that only eases your mind not mine. And never tell me that you love me, until you have got to know me, because you really might not love me at all when you do .

Hard stuff.

I'm done now. Please carry on with outrage, comfort, jokes, [/quote]

Please don't go away, it's nice getting some fresh air. Stay around for some comfort, duck at the outrage and just pretend you think the bad jokes are funny.

I'm ducking! I'm ducking! This is how much I live in fear. Today, I was at Starbucks writing an offensive post, when I spotted a pastor and his wife, also a pastor, at a table across the room. So, I tried to be like Elizabeth Bennett, from P&P, whose courage rises with every attempt to intimidate her. Why hide? I went over and talked to them. Of course they asked why I don't attend church. They are decent people, so I answered with what I felt was honesty. We had a nice conversation. They were in no way condemning. But my heart rate won't come back down. Why? I DONT FREAKING KNOW! My guess is that he has a large upper torso, a thick neck, is white, has a military haircut, and is a pastor. And I guess he kind of looks like my dad would have when I was a child. HOW STUPID IS THAT? To let a mere physical appearance affect me?

So if you want me to apologize for not wanting to blow up NTM, or sue them, I will gladly apologize. I am literally not even able to go there. I am sorry that we are not on the same page. I am sorry that I do not have a business-like mind. My mind has too many gaps with terror written on them for it to be effective.

Cheers. (Anyone notice that I can't even reply to him? ).

And no, I wasn't sexually abused.

It's okay, Allbetter.

We understand fear. Intimidation. The racing heart. The trembling. The sick stomach.

Note that most of us use a made-up name here.

We are kindred spirits here with you. I hope your heart slows down soon.

Hugs. Peace.