MK forum

Hello. First time caller...poster...blogger here. I'm not going reveal who I do know, who I don't know because I want people to hear what I have to say, not filter it through who I am, was, or held as friends. Suffice it to say that I was a student at Fanda for a number of years. You can believe it or not. I don't really care.

Let me settle one thing up front. I believe that there were many abuses at Fanda. I believe that I would personally like to punish (and if you knew me, you would know that I am trained and capable of inflicting severe punishment) those who inflicted some of the abuse that took place. Sexual abuse of ANY kind and of ANY nature is abhorrent and deserving of strict, severe punishment. Personlly, I experienced no sexual abuse. I experienced a little physical, and severe emotional abuse.

Let me bring in a bit of a reality check. I know many of you who have posted. I was there when some of you were abused. I do not question the validity of your claims nor your recollection of what happened. Some of you need to be more honest with yourselves about just how "innocent" you were. I mean, if we are going to "get it all out in the open" let's be honest.

Abuse carries with it a potential lifelong effect. I can hardly fathom the terror and emotional trauma that young children must have experienced through some of the abuses perpetrated on them. I'm not real good at praying, but I try...and I pray for us all.

I have read through the Fanda posts. I hear one recurring theme: revenge/vengeance. If that is the primary, unspoken goal, you will never get what you're looking for. Sorry, I'm just calling it like I see it. Everyone wants to "stick it to" NTM. I feel like it to, but I know that is wrong. The perpetrators MUST be punished. There are NTM leaders who need censured. Dragging NTM through the mud is not the answer. Trying to force them to pay extraordinary expenses for a "repentance retreat" is ludicrous. From what I read, no one wants repentance, they want to humiliate and exact revenge. Discussing where to make the NTM leaders sit so that they are put in a position to make them feel "humble"?

Most of you know in your hearts too that God did not allow any of this. This wasn't His plan. He doesn't condone this. Sin is what caused it. People playing god in their own lives, people who did just like the Pharisees and added to what the truth was in order to allow them to manage things their way. Not God. Not Him.

You have to stop at some point and remember what it is you want. If you are after healing, dealing in anger and bitterness is going to do it. I'm an expert on bitterness, still in the thick of it, and know that applying it to a wound isn't going to result in healing. Focus on the goal and don't fall in the same trap that caused the situation.

I should say that my own faith in God was tested and tried over the years. I even rejected God for years. I struggle now, but in my heart I know what the truth is.

OK. I'll stop now and sit back and wait for the blows.

Amen to both of you. I think if Struggling will go to MISC he will find much evidence of God`s grace and much healing happening.

Folks,

I did not mean to suggest that there was not room for free expression of anger or that there was no healing going on with the help of these forums. I believe there is. Talking things out and being honest with emotions is, as RROYM suggests, necessary for healing. Doing them here, in a safe place, is vital. My issue is that it is easy to feed on each other and never get out of the anger stage. As I read the posts, I see the benefits and the healing. I also see a lot of hatred and vengefulness. I'm simply throwing up a warning flag.

The balance between healing and going down the hatred trail is a fine line. Been there, still doing some of that. There are some folks from my time in Fanda that I would probably have to be restrained from harming if I ever found them. I have a pretty darn good idea how hard it is to overcome anger (or at least try to). There's no judgement here against anyone. Believe that!

hi struggling, could you clarify what you mean by your statement pasted below:

"Let me bring in a bit of a reality check. I know many of you who have posted. I was there when some of you were abused. I do not question the validity of your claims nor your recollection of what happened. Some of you need to be more honest with yourselves about just how "innocent" you were. I mean, if we are going to "get it all out in the open" let's be honest."

Thanx for the discussion. I haven't been on for a while. This mirrors some of what I'm experiencing now. With counseling I'm learning to communicate in a more honest, accurate way. I'm working on the triangle of trust thing interwoven with unconditional love. In an atmosphere of being completely accepted, valued for who I am and what I say, and loved and listened to I communicate my thoughts and feelings. This has been life changing for me. I see this blog and the forums as a form of that. Another aspect of this is that you don't have to agree with what is said or even like what is said but you have to listen without interrupting. Once each person has had their say then you can ask questions and dialogue and work thru things together. This has been very liberating for me. I don't always like what is said on here and I disagree with some things but I believe everyone needs to be able to express themselves. I value each person on this blog you are accepted, loved and listened to by me and many others. I pray that you will find healing and then go on to bring healing to others. This is the best way to get back at your abusers and to bring good out of evil.