Bother, as a late comer I've probably missed the "Repentance Retreat".
Not sure if it's my cup of tea. I remember "Repentance Days" at the NTM school I went to. The guilt laid on by the ever powerful principal as he extorted confessions for misdemeanours. I'm sure some of us just made sins up to get it over and done with.
Actually to be bruttally honest, I really can't face being in a room full of "zealous Christians" anymore, even repenting ones. I find family reunions hardgoing and try and avoid them.
I agree that abusers need to be brought to justice, but the demons from my past are either dead (and beyond repenting) or going to be very difficult to find.
Not sure I'd want to meet some of the MKs that I grew up with either. This blog site has major advantages over blog sites set up for MKs: A) I can protect my identity, so that I don't have to put up with the condesending nonsense that I got when using my own name on another site. B) This site is not regulated by a relative of one of the named abusers, who insists on vetting anyone who wishes to participate.
I have had dealings with NTM field committe members as an adult and they think nothing of resorting to blackmail and hate mail if they feel they are going to be exposed (in my case it was a significant fraud issue).
For those who feel there will be a benefit with a "Repentance Retreat" go for it, just pass on my apologies and let me know how you get/got on.
This must have been one of my very first postings. Bemused in his somewhat angry phase, just when he discovered how much abuse had been going on. Naively thinking that it was just PNG with a few errant hand wanders, then stumbling on to Fanda Eagles and realising how bad and how widespread this was across so many fields.
At this stage I was still in contact with my family. I had a long discussion with one sibling, who expressed concern and support for what I was posting. Then it all changed, my father got involved and in the following January rang to confront me and said those haunting words "it is no concern of mine", according to him I was doing the devils work and ruining reputation of "godly men".
So here we are, nearly five years latter. I never spoke to my father again. While I chased NTM and it's paedophiles, he embarked on a bizzare campaign of trying to discredit me, with the hate mail. My former supporting sibling changed sides, probably because of my father. And Mrs Bemused and I took the opportunity to start a new life well away from the toxic genetic soup, given to us by the earthquake which displaced us and killed so many of the residents of the city where we lived. We have no regrets moving away. Mrs Bemused says I am a much more stable, stronger and nicer person away from the mad world of my manipulating father (he died just over six months ago and my name was omitted from his death notice).
Looking back at the journey, I am proud at what I have achieved. I will always treasure the kind e-mails from many other MKs who have found my strange ramblings of some use. I have lost an immediate family, but been welcomed by my more distant relatives (who I went to visit last year) in a most loving and kind way, as they dismissed the strange letter my father had written commanding them to not offer me any hospitality before my arrival, as confirmation of his utter insanity.
Am I bitter about the past? No! Of course I wish it had never happened, but I accept it did and that I have got through it in the best way I could, with the help of the amazing Mrs Bemused, the tail wagging Canine Bemused and a fellow poster who has kept me company on this most unique journey.
I think we did get one thing wrong, there was a "Repentance Retreat" it is still going on. It began the day Scott Kennell went to jail and will go on for many decades. He has retreated from society and will repent (willingly or not) every day of his remaining life. He should not be alone, there are many others who should be on his retreat, but alas they have probably escaped due to legislation that if it does change will not be in time. That is a terrible injustice and I take my hat off to those who have begun to try and change this.
And so it is nearly five years since I joined, a time to reflect:
To those who had the courage to set up Fanda Eagles, I have few heros in life, but you are definitely on my small list.
To my father, I am sorry we never had a normal relationship. I tried and tried, but the cards were stacked against me from before I was a teenager. You did a lot of damage to a lot of people, I hope I have in some small way atoned for some of it by speaking out and pursing justice.
To my mother. It has not been an easy life for you. I hope your remaining years will bring peace and enlightenment.
To my siblings. Maybe one day we will have some sort of normal relationship, without the influence of the craziness of the past.
To my extended family in the U.K. Words cannot express enought the gratitude for the kindness given on our trip last year. Oh the relief of having loving, welcoming, non fanatical relatives at last.
To NTM. WHY?
To Raz. Couldn't have done much of this without my fellow crazy (but totally sane) poster. Another on my very small list of heros.
To the MKs I grew up with. I bear no grudge for what is in the past.
To the Uncles who abused so many MKs. May you one day wake up to the horror you have inflicted and I do not apologise for giving some of you sleepless nights by my actions of the last five years.
To those who can only see me as an Agnostic. I am sorry that my lack of faith appalls you. Walk a mile in my shoes and maybe you will understand why (and you will have my shoes because I won't be able to run fast enough in bare feet to catch you).
To those who have written to thank me for speaking out. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
To those who have laughed with me at some of the outlandish humour. Thank you from the heart of my bottom.
To Canine Bemused. Somedays we are both barking mad, but there is always another ride on the bike together.
And to Mrs Bemused. Hero number one!