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 Post subject: Re: Silent No More!
PostPosted: Sat Feb 19, 2011 2:24 am 
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Hello my dear Friends...I have been reading these posts for some time now, wishing I had the courage to join in the discussion. Thank you all for going first, for being so very brave. I am in awe of your courage!! Rochelle, one of my dearest childhood friends...thank you for what you have posted. You and I share common memories. Seeing them from your perspective has helped clear some of the fog in my own mind. Things I had written down years ago, but now 20 years later...foggy memories.

This is my experience. I joined the Emory Dorm at the age of 11 with my younger brother. I had an almost immediate wariness of Les, a feeling in the pit of my stomach, a warning. But I was a child, I didn't have a good reason not to like him, and I had been taught not to be disrespectful..."if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all!" I did not want to be left with this man, but I had no choice. If you asked my parents, they would also say they had no choice, that they were doing what they thought they were supposed to do. Now as a parent myself, I see they did in fact have a choice, but being marinated in a culture of submission, they did not question. I was blessed with good and godly parents, but their passivity in this issue has troubled me many times, and I know they also carry a burden of guilt over this. I wish I could take away their burden, and at the same time, I wish the adults who were supposed to protect all of us would have had the courage to stand for what was right, even against overwhelming pressure.

I developed at an early age, and I have since viewed this as the Lord's protection. Les did not rape me. I could have gotten pregnant and since he knew everything about us, he knew which girls to avoid. Rochelle, I think you and I have talked together about that! I do remember the feeling of not being liked by him. I so desperately wanted to be one of those favored girls...I wanted his approval. Why is it that I felt that way, even though I was terrified of him?!? I remember him being in my room late at night, waking up to him being above me in the darkness. I remember him walking unannounced into my room when I was dressing and refusing to leave as I tried my best to cover myself, ashamed because it must have been my fault somehow that he had to see me that way. I remember him dragging me down the hallway because I had been too sick to come to dinner. I remember inappropriate touches. Being wrapped in my towel in the bathroom with nowhere else to go...I remember him saying those very words you typed, Rochelle...I pity the man you marry. Now that I am divorcing my husband of 12 years because of his third affair...sometimes I struggle to remind myself that those words were a LIE. I remember him telling us how immodest we girls were, that we brought unwanted attention upon ourselves. (We were MKs...we didn't OWN immodest clothing, or have any desire to wear it!!) I remember specific demonic attacks that happened in the dorm. Nightmares I've battled since the day we left the Philippines, that continue to this day. I'm still afraid I will go around the corner one day and see him there. I battle the fear he will come find my children because I told someone about him. Most of all, I live with 20 years of knowing he is probably hurting someone else's children because noone is stopping him. I am afraid he will read this post and know who I am!

In the face of all those memories added to the painful stories that you my sisters and brothers have shared, I want to add that I still believe that God is good. That God loves us. That His heart was broken, shattered by the pain we have all experienced and continue to experience. The aftermath for me was an eating disorder, marrying unwisely, unhealthy boundaries in many relationships, distrust, nightmares, panic attacks, etc... But our God is a God who heals against all odds. And Heaven will be all the more glorious after all of this!! I praise Him for the healing He is bringing into my life, and pray for your hearts as well. I hope we can encourage one another. I want to do anything I can do to help bring Les to justice. I also want to do anything I can do to help you who will always be my family, to heal. I love you all! I miss you! Noone else quite understands...


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 Post subject: Re: Silent No More!
PostPosted: Sat Feb 19, 2011 8:53 am 
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We welcome you with open arms, Zephaniah! Not many of us from Aritao have surfaced here, but there are a few, and I hope that there are others who -- like you -- have been reading along, even though they haven't spoken up.

I am an Aritao Mom, and I am one who was unaware, uneducated, unwatchful, passive, submissive, and accepting of NTM leaders' words and decisions.

18 years later, I am doing my best to make amends. Nothing can give you precious MKs back your innocence, your childhood, your happiness on "The Hill" that I used to refer to as a "children's paradise". Now I know there was a demonic presence there ... how could I have been so blind?

I am heartsick over what happened to you, to my daughters, and to tragically too many of their friends and playmates.

A deep, sickening sadness envelops me ... and I'm crying again.


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 Post subject: Re: Silent No More!
PostPosted: Sat Feb 19, 2011 9:06 am 
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Zephaniah 3:17 wrote:
...In the face of all those memories added to the painful stories that you my sisters and brothers have shared, I want to add that I still believe that God is good. That God loves us. That His heart was broken, shattered by the pain we have all experienced and continue to experience. The aftermath for me was an eating disorder, marrying unwisely, unhealthy boundaries in many relationships, distrust, nightmares, panic attacks, etc... But our God is a God who heals against all odds. And Heaven will be all the more glorious after all of this!! I praise Him for the healing He is bringing into my life, and pray for your hearts as well. I hope we can encourage one another. I want to do anything I can do to help bring Les to justice. I also want to do anything I can do to help you who will always be my family, to heal. I love you all! I miss you! Noone else quite understands...


Dear Zephaniah,

Thank you.

I love your spirit. Your words so resonate. I think one of the reasons I love Dostoevsky (author of Crime and Punishment, The Brothers Karamazov), is because he is not afraid to face some of the worst of human cruelty, our angst, our terror, our guilt, and our artifice. At the same time, I think he portrays the horror as only a thin, scorched crust through which a love and glory unimaginable is breaking. “Light and momentary…” certainly doesn’t feel so until hindsight, and you have been through what I think is the deepest of betrayals. I am so sorry – I don’t think there are adequate words. What is so beautiful about your post is how it shines with the glory light of the Lord.


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 Post subject: Re: Silent No More!
PostPosted: Sat Feb 19, 2011 6:29 pm 
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Joined: Tue Dec 21, 2010 5:28 am
Posts: 6
Hi Zephaniah

Thanks for sharing what you did; that's part of the healing process. It makes us ill all that took place at Aritao - We pray that you continue to heal from your wounds.

We don't post much on here but we do read and pray. We too are Aritao parents, and though our children did not suffer as much abuse as others did, it was still horrific.

May God give you strength as you face the trials you're going through. Our lives should be all about HIM, it's great to see Christ shining through you.

We love you and we're praying for your family!


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 Post subject: Re: Silent No More!
PostPosted: Sun Feb 20, 2011 2:29 am 
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Joined: Sat Feb 19, 2011 1:55 am
Posts: 9
Thank you so much all of you for the encouragement. It brought me to tears! I wish we could all get together in a coffee shop and talk, encourage, hug, cry...typing just isn't the same... :P

Dear Raz...I wish my words hadn't brought you grief. I am thankful for women like you who have the courage to speak so openly about what happened from your perspective. From the posts I've read of yours, the sorrow in your heart is definitely Godly sorrow, and I want you to know, from my heart, that you are forgiven. I am sure there are many NTM Moms and Dads in your position, and I pray for healing for you and them as well. I hope that your courage will inspire others to recognize what was wrong and trust the Lord for change in their lives. You are a testimony to God's amazing Grace! Growing up, I always kind of had this feeling that grace was amazing, but it was for other people, not for me. I didn't see much of it in real life. Last year, through a Bible Study, I finally understood! What a relief, and freedom, to know that the grace I had heard about but not experienced, my whole life...it was REAL and it was FOR ME TOO! Shame melts in the presence of grace.

I don't know if you needed to hear that, but maybe someone else does ;) so I'm just going to post it here.

Thank you again.
Zeph


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 Post subject: Re: Silent No More!
PostPosted: Sun Feb 20, 2011 7:55 am 
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"I want you to know, from my heart, that you are forgiven."

Thank you so much, Zeph. I DO need to hear that, and it means more than I can say.

Yes, God's grace is so amazing! My journey has been long and difficult, but through it all, his grace never failed.

My personalized license plate says simple, "HE LUVS". After all my failures and heartache, questions that have no answers, attempted remedies that didn't work ... this is my story ... this is my song ...

HE LOVES.


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 Post subject: Re: Silent No More!
PostPosted: Tue Mar 15, 2011 3:20 pm 
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Thank you so much for your great courage, Flyer. It was a huge shock to me to learn that Les Emory had preyed on not only little girls, but at least one little boy as well. The depths of this man's depravity astound me. We must acknowledge that he was capable of molesting other boys as well, and I pray that your courage may encourage others to speak out from the shadows of secrecy and shame.
The light of truth is so healing, and I pray that you, Flyer, are finding comfort, healing and peace by speaking up and speaking out.
With love and prayers,
Raz, an Aritao Mom


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 Post subject: Re: Silent No More!
PostPosted: Tue Mar 15, 2011 3:50 pm 
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Joined: Wed Sep 22, 2010 10:04 am
Posts: 254
Thank you Adam for joining us in our healing journey. Thank you for having the courage to inform ntm of the things that happened to you. Praying that God will give you grace and peace and courage to continue your journey.


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